Growing up as a middle-class teen in Chicago, I was raised believing that success meant being rich, living in a penthouse or a mansion in Park Ridge or Evanston. You were a lawyer, a doctor, or a banker wearing fancy clothes, driving a cool car, and going on expensive vacations. I, on the other hand, was a child of a poor pastor and was jealous of all of my friends who had “successful” parents.
As I continued to mature and go to college, I still had the same definition of success in my mind that my parents had ingrained into my skull. Failure was not an option in my mind or my parents. I had to get good grades and act like a perfect pastor’s kid exhibiting high moral character at all times. My parents view of success doesn’t differ from society’s view. According to Linda Zander, a success coach and contributor to Forbes Magazine, society defines success “as a balanced achievement of wealth and well-being through consistently living the truth of ones’ grace-inspired values.” So, I did everything possible to outwardly live that successful life for my parents while inwardly, I was unhappy and rebelling. If my parents knew how I felt and what I was actually doing in my spare time, they would have said I was a “failure”.
After years of living the definition of societal success, I found myself unhappy. I didn’t want to be a failure – just the sound of that word is gross and disturbing. Seriously, who wants to go around saying…”Hey, I am a failure. What about you?” I mean that’s just silly. Of course, I want to hold my head high, flick my hair back and say “Yes, I am a huge success” But, I just couldn’t get over the fact that I felt like I was missing something in my life. I remember reading a book called, What Color is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles. The two main questions it wants you to reflect on are 1) What makes your heart happy? And 2) What makes your heart sad? The book basically showed me that I loved working with teens and teaching. When I made the decision to redefine my view of success it made all the difference. I went into debt because I needed to pay for a master’s degree. I went into panic mode because I had two kids and now had to quit my full-time marketing job making good money in order to student teach. I went into defense mode as I had to constantly convince people that move was not an early mid-life crisis but something I was passionate about. I kept hearing “those who can do; those who can’t teach”. So I am a failure because I teach? Oh ok, moron!
Although I grant you that many will disagree with me but in my mind, success is contributing to the community and world around you. Success is being you. Failure is not living your truth. Failure is hiding behind what others want you to do. We all have a choice. It took me until I was 30 to get the guts to live my truth. How long will it take you? Be brave!
Work Cited:
Christen, C. and Bolles, R. (2015). What color is your parachute? for teens. New York: Crown Publishing Group.
Zander, L. (2019). Council Post: Why Your Definition of Success Is Broken And Keeping You From Success. [online] Forbes.com. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2018/02/14/why-your-definition-of-success-is-broken-and-keeping-you-from-success/#7abbf14ef47d.