Well, we made it!
It has been a long semester filled with college applications, really difficult AP Lit texts, and a lot of work. But, save for the last two days of finals, we’re done!
I’ll be honest — this semester was probably the hardest semester for me personally. Everyone talks about how junior year is supposed to be the most difficult time in high school, but that just wasn’t the case. It was really challenging for me to balance college applications, schoolwork, and friendships. And so, the cumulative effect of this year on me as a person is the reaffirmation of the importance of persistence.
Persistence
Persistence is something that is ingrained into every student’s he
ad — even back in fourth grade, my teacher had this duck photo on the wall. I had always dismissed the poster when I saw it, finding it trite or unnecessary. After all, I’m not a duck. But throughout the year, I found myself thinking back to that duck, struggling to make it to the next stair, but nonetheless never giving up.
This year, I’ve struggled — I struggled through Faulkner and Morrison, I struggled when learning how to do triple integrals in spherical coordinates, I struggled when writing a bunch of supplemental essays during the weekend before November 1st. But, like that duck, I didn’t give up. Now, sitting at the end of the year, I’m proud of the work I did, proud of the journey I went through, proud of how I came out on the other end.
Even in this class, persistence has guided me throughout this messy first semester. Last year, in Lang, I remember that I could read assigned passages in an hour, gliding through the approachable prose in Into the Wild. But, in Lit, that strategy just will not work. The texts have complex plots, unreliable narrators, confusing symbols, discombobulating narrations, and stream-of-consciousness passages that will make you want to throw your book on the floor. This is not something you can do in an hour.
So, I slowed down my reading — a lot. I annotated thoroughly, read, reread, re-reread, summarized, and stopped myself throughout the chapters. I spent an absurdly long time reading As I Lay Dying and Beloved, struggling to understand what was going on. But, I persisted, and I made it through. Like that little duck, I climbed the stairs.
And so, this past semester has re-taught me the importance of persistence. Yes, it seems banal, but this long, arduous semester of contemplating my future, writing essays, and reading difficult literature has shown me how important it is to persevere.
Value of Friendships
Persistence, however, is an individual task — it is the personal insistence that I will not give up. But, if anything, this year has shown me the importance of others in your story, the importance of turning outward to find help.
Going through the college admissions process is dehumanizing — it’s easy to feel as if you are being measured up to your peers, as if you are an object whose worth can be captured in a yes or a no. So, you’re confronted with a choice: do you buy into the system of competition, or do you embrace who you are and maintain friendships?
I know people who snoop around trying to figure out where everyone’s applying, what everyone’s writing about, what everyone did in high school, as a way to make themselves feel better. That’s not how I want to live.
After all, thirty years from now, I’m not going to remember how much I cared about getting into X school; rather, I’m going to remember the people around me, the relationships I forged with others.
I’m going to remember the fantasy football watch parties on Sunday evenings that I spent with friends; I’m going to remember how my friends and I all went to MVC on senior ditch day so we didn’t miss the lesson before skipping the rest of school; I’m going to remember the Friendsgiving dinner that we had during Thanskgiving break.
This semester has shown me the value of the relationships that I have created over the past eighteen years. They should not be taken for granted; they should not be set aside to make way for reckless ambition. They should be cherished.
Final Thoughts
And so, having almost completed seven semesters of high school, we are incredibly close to graduation. And that proximity to adulthood, to the great unknown, is not lost on me.
Over the past semester, my entire perspective has changed. In high school, I’ve always been treading water — I refused to allow myself to think more than a week out, focusing just on the clubs, homework, classes, and tests that filled my present-day. However, as I applied to colleges and even turned 18, I started to turn my gaze outside of Naperville North, thinking about my future.
I’ve started to think about “Who do I want to be?”, “What I want to do with my life?”, “What do I enjoy?”. I had never before permitted myself to have this period of self-reflection — and so, in all honesty, I don’t have answers to any of these big questions.
But even just the process of thinking about myself outside of my academics, outside of my activities, is liberating. I’m excited to continue this journey of self-discovery as I enter my last semester of high school.
Hi Shan,
I hope you’re doing well. I loved reading your blog, and relate to the entirety of what you reflected on. I agreed with your point about this semester being the most difficult, despite the general presented notion concerning the rigor of junior year. Even outside the balance between college applications, essay burn-out, and extracurriculars, I found my coursework and classes as a whole to be presented as more challenging. I concur with your description of AP Lit; I came in with the expectation of a similar rigor level as AP Lang, and was surprised to find significantly more work, as well as a substantially deeper level of analysis and criticality that came with the works we were presented with. One aspect of Lit I enjoyed was the blog writing, as I found it to be a relaxing means to get several of my thoughts out on paper, while understanding the perspectives of my peers. Another class that surprised me was AP Spanish — going in, I had set the expectation of it being one of my most challenging courses, but it ended as one of the easiest (at least, thus far). Overall, I enjoyed reading your engaging blog, including your points concerning the importance of living in the present as it relates to lifelong friendships and what will really be reflected on decades in the future. Have a great break!
Hey Shan,
I definitely agree that junior year wasn’t s difficult as people made it seem. Seniors in the past always said that senior year would be chill, but when you consider that first semester is when you’ll be struggling over college apps, what they say doesn’t seem to add up. I really like how you compare the difference in assigned readings between Lang and Lit to your overall persistence in climbing the stairs of senior year. Junior year felt linear: all we had to do was develop a schedule to study for the SAT and ACT that balances with our level of course work. But in senior year, we found that such balance could not be achieved so easily. We can no longer move linearly at a steady pace, so we have to go back, rework, adjust, make accommodations, do what we can when we can, just like the difficult process of reading and rereading As I Lay Dying and Beloved. On the topic of friendship, I think that within such a stressful semester, the moments spent with friends stand out more than previously. They seem to be moments of light in such bleak times, and as we enter second semester, they appear more often as fresh tastes of freedom that lead us closer to the future. Like you said, after surpassing the worst of it, we now have the opportunity to look forward for once, and I hope that your ability to persevere serves you well on whichever path that you end up taking.
Shan,
I definitely agree that this semester was the most challenging. My to-do list is neverending, and even when I finish one task, there’s always seven more to be done. I love that duck picture, and even though you didn’t really think much of it at the time, it’s cool how you remembered it now. I will also try to be like that duck, climbing up the red stair! I agree that the readings in Lit are more difficult. Reading through As I Lay Dying and Beloved would take me extremely long periods of time, and even after a deep read, I would still miss key details that were fundamental to the plot. As for friendships, I would say that we’ve been friends for many years now, but we’ve definitely gotten a lot closer this year specifically (maybe it’s because we have periods 1, 2, and 3 together). I’ve grown to really appreciate our friendship, especially since I think it’s really fun with how we can make fun of each other all the time. Even though I did crush you this week in fantasy football, thus making it to the playoff finals, I have to admit your team definitely made a huge comeback. I didn’t expect you to make it to the playoffs period, and the fact that you did is a commendable feat. I’m glad to see that your perspective has changed from when you first stepped into Naperville North, and I can definitely see your maturity through your writing. Overall, a really great blog post, and I hope you have a great winter break!
P.S.
Meg said that you said you would host a New Years party at your house this year (even if it’s on December 30?), so I expect you to follow through with this, because you know how long I’ve been wanting to see the inside of your house.
Louisa
Hi Shan.
This semester is really long. I agree that persistence is really important for us seniors this year with all the course loads and college applications that we need to do. I really like the duck photo and I understand your struggle with Faulkner and Morrison. Both their books were really hard to read and understand, I struggled a lot with computer science this year. Who needs to know about 2D arrays? Either way this semester is finally coming to an end, looking back I am amazed at what I have done with finishing all the college applications, and staying on top of my extracurricular activities and making sure that my grade is on track and not falling behind. Our connection with our friends is really important just like you said, if it wasn’t for my friends that push me toward finishing my work and college essays, I might be really behind and struggle to finish my workloads of college applications and supplemental essays. I don’t have a long time friend that I know in this school but the people I met and became friends with last year stayed with me this year. I am really grateful for all my friends and can’t wait to spend next year with them! Looking forward to 2023!
Great reflection, Shan! Interesting to hear your comparison between Lit and Lang!