Do you ever ignore text messages?
Yes. Always.
I get criticized a lot by my friends and yelled a lot by my mom because I’m a terrible text replier. Sometimes I didn’t really mean to ignore them, or not reply in time – when I’m in the middle of class, or work, or eating, or watching the TV show I like, or sleeping, these are the circumstances where I just can’t drop the things I was doing and start texting back. It’s not good for my focus or time management, other than the fact that I would probably get kicked out of the classroom if I start texting in the middle of class.
And there’s the second scenario – where I purposely avoid replying back.
Ok, this is going to be a little more difficult to explain, but I think many people would resonate with this. So sometimes when I get a text, I might not be “emotionally prepared” to read or reply back. By my definition of not emotionally prepared, it’s just too tiring for me to read and think then reply. Especially when it comes to something more serious, if I was too tired, my brain just shuts down, not good for comprehending and not good for replying.
The third scenario is more straightforward – I just straight up forget to reply.
Don’t judge me for forgetting, I always forget things and lose stuff. I’ve had poor memory since I was a kid, at one point I even doubted if I had amnesia. So the most common reason for me not to text back, I just simply forget to check my phone or I saw the text but just forget to actually tap in and read the context. But there’s also a little nuance in forgetting, sometimes I read the text, comprehended it, then I organized my words inside of my head and thought I replied, and went on to other things. It’s most annoying for me when this happens, because people would ask why I didn’t text back, and I would say “no I actually did reply this time” because I remembered what I was about to say.
While many people think slow replies are impolite or unacceptable, since the speedy interactions on the Internet have been normalized, I think that we still need some time and space to take in and process. Sometimes doing things slow is not a bad thing, but still remember to text back and don’t keep them waiting too long!
schiu • March 12, 2022
vthakur1 March 12, 2022 - 9:28 pm
Hi Selene, I completely agree- I always forget to reply to messages too and half the time it’s being in class, definitely, another other part is that I fully and wholeheartedly thought I 100% replied. For most of my classes I feel awkward/ disrespectful to text in unless it’s important or there’s that chill of an atmosphere. And the other I will end up trying to pull up the “sent” message later only to realize it’s still in my text box from days prior. And the other thing is sometimes I legitimately don’t see a message. The messaging on my phone does not give the signal for texts sent and I also use multiple messaging platforms for different clubs and activities. For me, I use my phone pretty frequently but I don’t rely on it a lot, and mostly don’t have it out. I think it’s important to know that while the text is made for quick communication we all need to unplug sometimes.
lzwang March 14, 2022 - 2:43 am
YES! Finally a being in this universe that understands the pain. People need to stop overreacting when I forget to text them back. IT IS USUALLY NEVER SOMETHING AGAINST YOU! Another reason why I forget, is that sometimes I accidentally click on a message then lose the notification so I forget what the message is about. And having a bad memory is pretty normal with the very low attention-spans that our generation has. Usually I respond to text messages very fast, but I should probably let my friends know about my tendencies or explain to them after I respond very late or don’t at all, and hopefully they explain too, because it is sometimes intimidating especially if you’re asking about something important.
sacarstens March 15, 2022 - 5:40 pm
Selene, I definitely agree, besides for a select few people, responding to everyone is super difficult for no reason. The emotional duress inflicted from getting a message from someone you don’t like but should probably still respond to, or getting a tough question makes it very hard to bring myself to respond. On top of that, I forget to respond to messages very often. For instance, just yesterday I was in charge of making a group chat and I swear I added everyone but a few people were left out because I simply forgot. However, I would rather be unplugged for the majority of the time and miss a couple random texts then be constantly checking for new messages, but maybe that’s just me.
Vaughn Beallis March 17, 2022 - 12:44 am
Selene, I can definitely empathize with you. Late at night when you’re tired and just want to relax, the last thing you want to do is respond to a paragraph when your brain has already effectively turned off. Forgetting to respond is so awkward, Especially if the sender calls you out. Sometimes replying genuinely slips my mind and it makes me look like i don’t care or worse I’m just being mean. That’s the problem with text. It sucks at conveying complex emotion and sometimes gives the other person the wrong idea. This was very relatable, good job.
ccder March 17, 2022 - 7:39 pm
Hi Selene! I 100% understand where you’re coming from. I’m just the same way lol countless times, I’ve heard that I’m horrible at replying to messages, leaving people hanging. I would say I’m overall not really on my phone that much so this makes sense to me. With your second scenario, I can really relate to that as well!!! Sometimes for me, I’ll partially read a message and reply in my head, but either I’m too lazy or just not in the mood to type out my whole response. Reading on, this is so similar to what you said! You also form the reply in your head but honestly forget to reply, so you’re not as bad as me! It’s okay to take our time though and not be on our phones 24/7. I love the way you ended your blog with this powerful message. Let’s keep being the slow texters we are girl! This topic was so interesting and you put your idea into perfect words:)
isazarcon March 18, 2022 - 1:48 pm
Hello, Selene! I completely agree with your second scenario; sometimes, responses require more thought than usual, so much thought that I inevitably forget about it after enough time has passed. I then go through my old text messages and encounter a surprise or two that I completely forgot to respond to. When I do respond, depending on the person of course, I would write a whole grammatically correct text message and then send it. But, that takes more effort too and it is easier for me to ignore doing so and procrastinate. On the other hand, when I text someone and do not get a response, I cannot help but feeling ignored- so hypocritical!
mekang-chou March 21, 2022 - 2:36 am
I will say I have never related to something more. Often times I am scrolling through my phone and get a text but since I’m paying attention to the post on my screen I tell myself I will reply later. That never happens. It is sometimes worrying how long I go without replying and has definitely caused a little trouble but I have no idea how to improve. Otherwise, I do remember a couple of scenarios where I actively did not reply back. In fact, sometimes it gets to the point where I feel bad for replying so late that I just never reply ever again. Like I said, pretty bad. If you have any tips on how to move away from the habit please let me know, I’m desperate.
tacheng March 21, 2022 - 2:44 am
Selene, this is literally the most relatable post I’ve ever read in my whole seventeen years of living. The part where you might not be “emotionally prepared” is so relatable–even though I don’t think it’s really emotionally, it’s just so much work to have to think about the exact right thing to respond, especially when you’re physically and mentally beyond tired and just want to crawl up and ignore everyone. I also don’t mean to not respond (like you, I also just respond in my head and sometimes I genuinely believed that I responded because the response I had was so distinct and strong that I believe I did express it). Do you ever remember three days later in the middle of the night when your mom has your phone that you didn’t respond to a singular text from someone? Because same. But this is going to be my new SMART goal 2022 resolution motivational 75 day hard objective so I can #self-improvement and making other people frustrated.