My requirements for a partner are simple. They should be considerate, intelligent, and have a witty sense of humor. Also, they should know how to make a delicious kugel that can feed my entire extended family.
I hope you know that I am very much teasing. While I am proud of my Jewish heritage, it is by no means an essential trait for my future spouse. If he on the first date says he doesn’t want our child to have a Bar Mitzvah, I will not consider that a deal breaker. However, there are several men that if they showed up at my synagogue, I would fall in love with them in a heartbeat. Even in an ill-fitting yarmulke.
So, I will now enlighten you with five Jewish men that make the world a little bit brighter with their presence. After listing some pros and cons, I will rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. But of course, my mom will have the final say (her approval means everything to me!) Let’s see who is the greatest mensch! *
1.) Skylar Astin
Pros: You most likely know Skylar from the cinematic masterpiece, Pitch Perfect, which convinced eleven year-olds everywhere that they were musical geniuses for learning the “Cup Song”. He created the role of Jesse, the adorkable film nerd whose angelic voice and unflappable charm won the heart of the lovely Anna Kendrick. And who could blame her??
In every interview, he is kind and confident. His smile is swoon-worthy. According to a *very credible* fan website, his first job was at a deli so he understands STRUGGLE. Also, he. is. so. considerate. Remember when he waited for Beca at the jail while her father bailed her out and ok…maybe I’m talking about Jesse again. My bad.
Cons: This is a big one. He says that Astin is his last name, but it’s actually his middle name! Lipstein is his last name!! How DARE he hide his Jewish heritage from Hollywood?!? He should be celebrating it!
My Rating: 8/10
Mom’s Rating: 9/10
“All around, a great guy”
2.) Max Greenfield
Pros: Max carried the television comedy New Girl on his back for seven seasons (sorry Zooey!) and has not aged a day! While his portrayal of the uptight, self-absorbed Schmidt has given me some major laughs over the years, his loyalty to his long-time roommates and affectionate relationship with his girlfriend, Cece on the show won me over.
As a bookworm, I was pleasantly surprised to discover Max supports the Young Storytellers Foundation, which promotes the importance of reading to children! Also, he had a Saturday Night Live-themed Bar Mitzvah, which was pretty similar to my theme (Movies)! I’m not gonna lie. I’m pretty upset I didn’t get an invite. Oh, wait…I wasn’t born yet.
Cons: He voiced a dromaeosaur in the fifth sequel of Ice Age. I don’t care how large that paycheck must have been. That role is an embarrassment.
My Rating: 6/10
Mom’s Rating: 7/10
“I’m impressed by his philanthropy and talent”
3.) Paul Rudd
Pros: I cannot even begin to tell you the PAIN I experienced trying to choose one photo of this man!!! Those eyes!! That smile!! That hair!! Okay, I promise I am not that superficial, even if he looks dashing in that baby blue suit.
He is an incredibly talented actor, his career spanning from movies, television, and Broadway! While most of you probably recognize him as iconic superhero, Ant-man, he will forever be dreamy Josh from Clueless to me. He was on Sesame Street too, which is pretty awesome.
He is a man who gives back to the community! He supports the Stuttering Association of the Young and founded The Big Slick, an event in support of Kansas City Mercy Hospital. Also, he co-owns a candy shop after the previous owner (a close friend) passed away. He wanted to keep his legacy alive, which I think is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard (pun definitely intended).
Cons: His son is my age…
My Rating: 9/10
Mom’s Rating: 8/10
“Incredibly talented, empathetic, has a good heart”
4.) Dan Levy
Pros: Dan is KILLING IT at the moment. He directs, produces, writes, and stars in the hilarious Emmy-nominated TV show Schitt’s Creek with his father and sister, Eugene and Sarah (we love a boy who’s close his family!! think of all of the Passover Seders!!) Canadians are known for their kindness and humility, and Dan is no exception. He recently hosted a fundraiser that raised money for the FSHD Society to find a cure for muscular dystrophy. He is also an avid supporter of the LGBT + community, and his fans raised over $20,000 for Ontario’s LGBT youth line in his honor last August.
In addition, he owns a beautiful house in Los Feliz and has the most adorable dog in the world, Redmond. If that doesn’t sell you, I don’t know what would.
Cons: Well, he’s gay. But I still think we would become fast friends! (Even though he is a Leo, and they are not known for being compatible with Tauruses)
My Rating: 9/10
Mom’s Rating: 6/10
“Husband material, but can’t be your husband”
5.) Nat Wolff
Pros: Let’s start off with the obvious. He is the first potential suitor who is in an acceptable age range, isn’t married, without children, and attracted to the female sex! Big wins today, ladies and gents! If you were a Nickelodeon kid, you’ll remember Nat as 1/2 of the iconic boy band, The Naked Brothers Band. He and his brother are still writing music today, which is super cool!
Are you a John Green fan? Since YA Fiction was (and will always be) my favorite literary genre, I fell in love of his portrayal of Quentin in the movie, Paper Towns (It’s far superior to TFIOS, don’t come for me in the comments).
Cons: Being a child star, we might run into some nasty paparazzi :/
My Ranking: 7/10
Mom’s Rating: 7/10
“You don’t share many of the same interests”
*Yiddish word: a person of integrity or honor
Bibliography:
“2019 Big Slick Celebrity Weekend: June 7-8, 2019.” 2019 Big Slick Celebrity Weekend | June 7-8, 2019, bigslickkc.org/2019-about/.
Bans, Lauren. “Interview with Max Greenfield of the New Girl.” GQ, GQ, 9 Mar. 2017, www.gq.com/entertainment/movies-and-tv/201201/max-greenfield-interview-new-girl.
Bologna, Caroline. “11 Sweet And Funny Parenting Quotes From Paul Rudd.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 8 Apr. 2019, www.huffpost.com/entry/paul-rudd-parenting-quotes_l_5ca6a975e4b047edf957c68a.
Fisher, Kendall. “Did You Know Jeffrey Dean Morgan Co-Owns a Candy Shop With Paul Rudd?” E! Online, E! News, 24 Oct. 2016, www.eonline.com/news/804252/friendly-reminder-jeffrey-dean-morgan-co-owns-a-candy-shop-with-paul-rudd.
Outmagazine. “Dan Levy’s Fans Raise $20,000 for LGBTQ+ Youth Charity.” OUT, Out Magazine, 12 Aug. 2019, www.out.com/celebs/2019/8/12/dan-levys-fans-raise-20000-lgbtq-youth-charity.
“Visit Schitt’s Creek with Dan Levy and Become an Honorary Resident.” Omaze, 24 Oct. 2019, www.omaze.com/products/dan-levy-schitts-creek-pop-up-nyc.
“We Heart Paul Rudd And His Activism For Kids Who Stutter ” ThatHelps.” ThatHelps, 6 Nov. 2018, www.thathelps.com/paul-rudd-stuttering-activism/.
Yamato, Jen. “Skylar Astin On Pitch Perfect And The Enduring Power of Ace Of Base.” Movieline, 1 Oct. 2012, movieline.com/2012/09/28/pitch-perfect-skylar-astin-interview.
Hey Katie,
I found your blog so funny!! My mom is always trying to have input on who I should date, and while annoying I can’t help but find the humor in it like you do. Similarly, my mom also thinks I should try and find someone with the same religion but like you, doesn’t see it as a rule breaker if they don’t.
In case you wanted to hear my input… the winner here is obviously Skylar Austin. Have you seen that smile? And he has THE most amazing voice. Clearly the best out of these 5.
Katie, your post made me laugh. Your mom’s commentary is both HILARIOUS and AMAZING! Is there a Jewsish boy that you would give a 10/10? All the Jewish boys you listed seemed really fun to hang around. To be frank, I did recognize any of them but its cool to know about each and every one of their unique backgrounds. What you mentioned about Skylar Austin really caught my attention. It is disappointing that he would want to change his last name to hide his Jewish heritage. Having a Jewish heritage is nothing to be ashamed about. Our heritages make up part of our identity and they should be celebrated just as you mentioned. My parents come from different parts of the world, Taiwan and Bolivia. Because of that, I have both a Hispanic and Asian heritage. I embrace my heritage because I get the best of both worlds. For instance, my mom’s asian culture pushes me to study hard and do well academically but that is balanced by my dad’s hispanic culture where it is important to have fun and live in the moment. I agree with you that all of us should embrace our heritage and what makes us us.
I absolutely LOVE this blog. Probably my favorite one yet. Your mom is legit such a funny woman, and I could hear the little comments in her voice. As you know, I’m a big fan of Max Greenfield and Paul Rudd. Recently, I saw this show, I think it was called The Neighborhood, and Max was in it! He is so funny in it, just like I remembered. Paul Rudd is also a BEAUTIFUL man, truly beautiful, but also legit nearly my parent’s age. Based on your ratings, do you have a particular Jewish man that could be your happily ever after?