“She was just trying to go home.”

Rest in power, Ruth George.

On November 23, 2019, a man who doesn’t even deserve to be named, raped and strangled Ruth George in her own car – because she ignored his catcalls. 

What is there to say to this? 

There is nothing that we can do to take the pain away or bring Ruth back to life. There are no words we can express to truly comfort the grieving family. 

The only choice we have is to continue this conversation of why men feel the need to control women. How have we fallen so far into the depths of the effects of toxic masculinity, that a man thinks it’s okay to kill someone for not paying attention to their disgusting, animalistic hoots and whistles?

How can we rid society of the Harvey Weinsteins, the Brock Turners, the Brett Kavanaughs, and the R. Kellys? 

For too long, men in power have been able to avoid the repercussions of their actions in harassing, assaulting, and murdering women. For too long, the public has blamed the woman for what has happened to her. Claiming that she shouldn’t have been drinking or that what she was wearing was too “revealing.” I am so revolted. Why does it need to take a woman to stay sober and to cover herself completely in order for her to not be raped? On the contrary, this theory is even flawed. Ruth George was walking to her car with not a drop of alcohol in her system and bundled up to battle the brutal winds of Chicago. But it should even matter! A woman should be free to live whatever lifestyle she wants without interruption.

The problem is men. Or rather, what society has been teaching men from a young age. 

It starts in school. Dress codes are implemented to prevent girls from “distracting” male counterparts – other students and teachers. In other words, schools that enforce these dress codes are basically a place where the sexualization of young girls is institutionalized.

First of all, making a girl change her clothes because she has cleavage showing or that her midriff is exposed is literally slut-shaming. Second of all, saying that a girl’s body parts disrupt the learning environment is equivalent to victim-shaming. Boys will be boys? How about we teach these boys not to view women as just a chunk of meat – all body, and no brain or heart – to lust over. Schools should be teaching boys how to control their gross urges, rather than punishing girls for the cut of their shirts. 

Never in my life, have a heard an incident where a girl goes to the school administration to complain that a guy’s shirt is too tight or that his pants are too low. So why is this such a major problem for boys? After all, girls are going through puberty as well. Also, I find it disgusting when schools say that dress codes prevent the distraction of teachers. Here’s an idea: how about you don’t hire teachers that sexualize minors? Just a thought though. 

This societal norm of dress coding girls also places a superiority complex in these boys at a very young age. By physically taking a girl out of her classroom and halting her learning just to change clothes, pushes the idea that her education comes second to the boys’. In experiencing this type of behavior for around 12 years, both boys and girls will form a certain mindset. As girls enter college and the adult world, they will feel defeated and be constantly worried about pleasing the likes of men. When boys fully develop and grow into the professional world, they will carry with them the ridiculous thought that their knowledge is more-encompassing. Boys will grow into men who want to abuse the power they feel has been rightfully given to them.

 

Interestingly enough, society also manages to contradict itself. 

The concept of toxic masculinity comes into play because of the certain social oppression that boys go through. For the longest time, society has told men that their role in the world is to be tough, aggressive, and emotionless. When little boys cry, for some reason, adults think saying “man up” will make them feel any better. If anything, it makes them feel shameful that they are not meeting the expectations associated with their gender. History has mistakenly given this role of assuming power and stoicism. However, this mindset is a thing of the past and it should stay there. With all this pent up emotion, boys may try to vent it out through violence. 

It’s no wonder that men lash out when a girl, or someone, displays disinterests or ignores him. It hurts their ego, fragile from being groomed and stroked since childhood. 

In present day, we should be actively creating safe places for everybody. Now more than ever, we need to encourage young boys to share and express how they are feeling, so they feel as if they will grow up in a society that will accept them instead of shame them for having a heart. Something that schools or families can do is to engage their children in conversations like these. To discuss how the media portrays the male figure in a hyper-masculine way. To assure them that they don’t have to act or feel a certain way if they don’t want to. To tell them that violence isn’t the only way. 

A just world where boys and girls can peacefully live together is possible.

Now, I know that not all men are bad. Of course. But it’s enough for my heart to begin racing whenever I see a photo of a young girl next to a mugshot of a man trending on Twitter. It’s enough for me to always tightly grip my pepper spray when I’m walking to my car at night, even in such a safe town like Naperville. 

Call me a “feminazi” or whatever you want, but I just want to be able to go on a run in the summer and winter without being whistled or honked at by strange men.

A great sense of emotion washes over me whenever I see women stepping out or the #MeToo hashtag. I am so happy that Chanel Miller published her book, Know my Name and went on 60 Minutes to share her story. 

Still sadness and anger pulse through me. I guess I’m a raging feminist? But I will never get over Ruth George’s story. She was such a beautiful soul. She did nothing wrong. “She was just trying to go home.” 

Works Cited

Bosman, Julie. “A College Student Was Killed by a Man Whose Catcalls She Tried to Ignore, Prosecutors Say.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 27 Nov. 2019, www.nytimes.com/2019/11/27/us/chicago-college-student-killed-catcall.html.

Clemens, Colleen. “Toxic Masculinity Is Bad for Everyone: Why Teachers Must Disrupt Gender Norms Every Day.” Teaching Tolerance, 4 Jan. 2018, www.tolerance.org/magazine/toxic-masculinity-is-bad-for-everyone-why-teachers-must-disrupt-gender-norms-every-day.

Mansoor, Sanya. “Chanel Miller on Victim Impact Statement Plaques at Stanford.” Time, Time, 15 Nov. 2019, time.com/5726188/chanel-miller-time-100-next/.

Smilan-Goldstein, Jordan, et al. “Do School Dress Codes Privilege Boys’ Education?” Public Seminar, 5 June 2018, publicseminar.org/2018/06/do-school-dress-codes-privilege-boys-education/.