A habit that only piles up tardies while steadily draining my bank account…. coffee. Once you start drinking coffee how can you stop? (If you figure it out let me know.) We all know those girls- I admit I am occasionally one- that is always rushing to their classes yet they obviously had time to stop for Starbucks. This got me thinking about previous blogs written by Gabby, Cush, and Neil. If you haven’t read them I would highly recommend doing so. Their articles about the “The Six Types of White People in Naperville”, for example, inspired me to think about five different types of coffee drinkers.
1. The order ahead coffee drinker
Obviously, this one is a little harder to spot but if you get a coffee with them and you’ll pick up on it immediately. If you’re this person, you are constantly scouring the app for your favorite drink while whoever is driving is trying to rush back to school. But you SWEAR you have enough time to stop and get that coffee, you already ordered ahead. You also have your order down to a t. If someone was to look at your app, your favorite drink would already be pulled up with the necessary tweaks to make the “perfect” coffee. You might also hear this person saying how long they’ve gone with out coffee in an attempt to deny their obvious addiction… 24 hours is really not that long.
2. The Dunkin’ iced coffee drinker 
This one is a little harder to come up with one solid description for just because Dunkin’ is the most diverse group of coffee drinkers in my opinion. Think about it, on late arrivals I swear almost everyone has one one of these. Even my guy friends are walking in with it Wednesday morning. But this one can say a few things about you. Maybe you’re running a little late and even though the Dunkin’ drive through is long you know its going to be a million times faster than any of the other coffee places on Ogden. If you’re like me, you made a quick trip to Dunkin’ because somehow you manage validate spending this money because it’s so cheap and you’re not wasting more money on Starbucks or Peets. The last option for Dunkin’ is that you don’t actually like coffee. There I said it. Dunkin’ Coffee is so overloaded with creams and sugars that you can hardly taste the coffee. This is the type of coffee you get if you want people to think you like coffee but you really don’t.
3. “I ONLY drink Starbucks”
I hate to say it but your Starbucks account is most likely linked to your parents credit card. So every morning when you stop to get that venti iced latte, you don’t have to think about how you’re draining your account for a sub par coffee (in my opinion). You also probably started buying coffee in middle school, starting your addiction with sweet frappuccino- even if you didn’t realize. You also may fall under category one… the order ahead.
4. The Peets drinker
You’re late to class. I say this because trust me I know. Peets is too hard to resist. Even when you know those four cars in front of you are somehow going to take fifteen plus minutes when all you want is a simple latte, you just can’t resist. You are also a coffee snob. You think that because you like Peets you are more sophisticated than the Dunkin’ and Starbucks drinkers. You’ve probably said, “Peets is superior coffee. I don’t even drink Starbucks anymore.” As a Peets drinker myself, you also justify the steep prices and long waits by saying that the flavor and quality is worth it. Only to be done two sips later because the drink was half ice.
5. “I only drink my coffee black…”
Honestly I don’t know very many people that fall under this category but if they do they usually sound a little something like this: “You get yours with all those sugars… I just don’t like coffee when it’s that sweet… Can you even taste the coffee anymore?” If this is you, you might also think this is a bit of a flex… or you just really like black coffee. The other alternative is that you are over the age of 40 and probably in desperate need of some quick caffeine or are a grandparent drinking your coffee and reading your news.
While I’m not a huge coffee drinker, or one at all, really, a few people definitely come to mind after reading your blog. There is definitely a widespread obsession with coffee and with Starbucks, Dunkin, and other chains competing to be the best, that’s certainly not going away any time soon. While I’m hoping to maintain my coffee-free lifestyle, that doesn’t seem likely with college looming around the corner and the dreaded late nights at the library. Maybe I’ll eventually fall into one of these categories! Loved your blog:)<3
I would consider myself an avid coffee-drinker and your post hit too close to home. I’m pretty sure I’ve had more tardies in this school year than I have my first three years of high school… I’m always ashamed when I stroll into first hour Calc class, late again, with a Dunkin in my hand, but I just can’t resist it. You’re right though, Dunkin is never my preferred choice because it is SO sugary. I literally order a medium iced coffee with caramel and cream, no sugar, and it is still super sweet. However, though, they provide super fast service and the location is more convenient for me. When I do wake up in time, I take the risk of planning on going to the Starbucks on Ogden. I say take a risk because I have to pass all possible Dunkins to get to Starbucks and the drive-through service is so slow for some reason. Anyways, this was super long, but I loved reading your post and your voice shone through very well!
To stop drinking coffee, it is suggested that you stop drinking it. If one cannot help themselves, then to hell with it! Treat yoself. Everyday.
Hi Julia!
I really enjoyed this post, I could think of someone I knew for each type of coffee drinker you described. I like you take any time I have to be able to get coffee. I definitely agree on the different type of people based on where they get their coffee. So many of my friends are either Dunkin’ or Starbucks. I like to think of myself as in between the two. I can always go for a Venti Strawberry Refresher or Frappucinno from Starbucks. On the other hand, I can usually go for an Iced Coffee from Dunkin’ a lot of the time too. Either way, I would probably classify myself as a coffee drinker that loves anything but plain coffee. I think this post can describe so many people, especially on late arrival days. I never would have thought to apply coffee types to people, I thought this post was very creative and accurate.