If you ever followed my Instagram before March of this year, there existed several unfortunate conditions that you might have encountered. The most obvious would be my username: jennifer.xia.trash (now changed to 10outof10nifer, which is taken from my favorite and most iconic Kahoot nickname). The second would be my (also changed, thankfully) profile picture, hastily taken in 8th grade in the Kennedy bus lot. The second would be my biography, which I put a lot of care and deliberation into at the time of constructing it. The most important thing, however, would be that I didn’t respond to anyone’s DMs. Maybe I would have if I actually logged into Instagram more than once every two months, but alas, we can’t always be perfect.
This, of course, begs the question: Why would I have an Instagram in the first place? The answer is quite simple: my account was made against my will.
It all started, as most formative life experiences do, in a summer camp. Conveniently, the duration of this summer camp overlapped with my friend/roommate’s birthday (we’ll call her Sarah for anonymity’s sake, even though her real name is Nathra Ramrajvel – but I’m trying to protect her identity right now). Even more conveniently, since it was the day of her arrival in the mortal world, Sarah had temporarily obtained the right to violate my rights. Remember that media consent form that you have likely encountered before in an academic context? Well, as specified above, Sarah no longer had to concern herself with such trivial matters as “consent.” In other words, she took a short video of me (running away), slapped on those @UT Dallas and @AwesomeMath tags, and thus was the story of my first (Instagram) story.
But a few things did happen before then. In the making of my account, Sarah magnanimously allowed me, to a certain extent, to create my username and biography. So the gears in my brain (population: 2 brain cells) began turning. How could I discreetly cue everybody that my Instagram account was kind of fake? The result: the username of jennifer.xia.trash, and my poetic verse of a bio:
I have high self-esteem. If everyone was me, the world would be a better place. I live on the edge, so don’t talk to me.
I had hoped that someone would read the lines between my self-deprecating username and egotistical biography, noting this jarring contradiction to uncover the truth. Moreover, I had faith that most of my friends would deduct that I did not, in fact, have high self-esteem, and therefore my account was a lie. But reality is often disappointing. That’s how we got to where we are now: me, replying to your DM, 129 weeks later.
Wow, Jennifer…
To be honest, I truly thought your Instagram was real mainly because I rarely click on peoples’ bio to see what they wrote and honestly, your profile picture didn’t really throw me off either. I don’t know if you know what I’m talking about but for some people they literally use the weirdest pictures and honestly, I thought that was the vibe you were going for. Unfortunately, I did not realize the lie that I was feeding into the Instagram created against your will and I sincerely apologize for not saving my dear friend. If anything, the caption did remind me of you, though, simply the sarcastic manner you talk and your quirky humor I always enjoy. So, for me, it’s a lesson to read a bit more between the lines so I don’t let another friend’s Instagram slip through my fingers like this again.
Wait so you’re trying to tell me that your Instagram bio IS NOT real??? and here I thought you were trying to broadcast your sarcastic sense of humor (you even posted your first post just a little while ago out of some more peer pressure anddd updated your college admissions status not too long ago T_T). I kind of knew about the story behind the old Instagram account — the one named jennifer.xia.trash — but when you suddenly changed the username, I assumed it was being reborn into a real, legit Instagram. I’ve been seriously fooled (I was actually so happy when you posted your first pictures too >:()! Props to “Sarah” for making an Instagram caption that can actively trick a good majority of your friends though. But honestly, if anything, I feel like your caption definitely displays some of the quirks to your personality so hey if you’re ever thinking of making that Instagram into a real one…maybe it’s not such a bad idea especially since we’re going to college next year you know. But even though your Instagram is still fake at the moment, I have to say, good job on not getting too addicted to it like I am right now and wow, that 129 week DM response time is really impressive.