Watercolored Longing: A Love Letter to My Favorite Manhwa

Somewhere in Korea, a 19-year-old girl holds onto a handlebar on the bus during her route to school. At the same time, anywhere, everywhere, someone continues on with their routine, the pace of their lives measured by the length of their strides. On this bus in Korea, the girl recognizes this moment for the brief intersection of these unrelated lives for what it is: an ordinary moment.

Except, from a cursory scan of her surroundings, she spots a pair of shoes she doesn’t recognize. And the person attached to these pair of shoes, with his own pace and stride, will transform these ordinary moments into something a little more.

This scene marks the beginning of the manhwa Shades and Shadows by Honjga, a story centered around Shin Hye-in and her last year of high school. And just like Hye-in did not recognize the significance this moment on the bus has on her life, when I first found this manhwa, I did not expect it to resonate with me as much as it did.

After all, there was a multitude of factors that affected my initial perception. First, finding a genuinely good story on your own is quite difficult—whether in comics, books, or shows—and with no one to look to for manhwa recommendations, I had to trial-and-error it myself. Second, this is a manhwa I found on the website Lezhin, which contains many manhwas of dubious content and execution. But the most prominently: Third, the summary is quite misleading.

Hye-in is a quiet, introspective high school senior. As an aspiring art major, she hones her skills in the art club. When a handsome new T.A. named Lee Hanyeong starts at the club, Hye-in’s curiosity awakens. Mr. Lee’s talented, popular and sensitive. So why on earth has he taken such an interest in her? In the complex world of high school, things are never how they appear. It all depends on how you look at them… 

Well, technically speaking, the summary isn’t completely inaccurate or anything. However, the phrasing matters. While this summary places great emphasis on the “romance” and “intrigue” between Hye-in and Hanyeong’s relationship (which would have been difficult to portray in a good light given that they are student and TA), it is one characterized more by perfunctory politeness and amiable acquaintanceship (at least until Character Development™ strikes and they develop more meaningful friendship). Moreover, as the manhwa progresses past the first few chapters, it becomes clear that the story’s focus does not orbit solely around Hye-in and Hanyeong. Instead, it shifts between a startlingly real and sympathetic cast of characters, revealing to the audience fragments of their background, individuality, and budding agency underneath the cracked surface of their pretenses.

Because of this story’s commitment to realism, the summary’s assertion that “in the complex world of high school, things are never how they appear” contains a pretentious and melodramatic flair while this story is much more grounded and subtle. “The complex world of high school” is not complex because of drastic situations—no, high school itself is a simple concept—but because of the varying interpretations of a situation that arise from an amalgamation of character interactions, individual perspectives, what is said, and what is left unsaid. And so one character’s perception is never the whole story: “things are never how they appear.”

Nonetheless, it took a while for me to become truly invested in Shades and Shadows. Realistic and grounded as it is, it doesn’t give into characterization or plot developments that would make for easy gratification and quick investment on the audience’s part. Rather than resolve conflicts with simple confessions or conversations, it delves into discomfort, messiness, and the unnameable, lingering desires rooted within individuals and left to linger, unable to be fully addressed in the restrictive constructs of society.

And it is that—the unnameable, lingering desires—that touched me the most, though it took me some time to appreciate it. Our day-to-day lives are characterized by being ordinary, yet we still feel every little joy, sorrow, and fear so acutely. Fiction often relies on the way it is framed to convey this kind of emotional resonance, and Hongja does this masterfully with Shades and Shadow’s beautiful art style.

The watercolor art makes for a soft, understated palette, but the artist’s creativity within this medium captures the impact of a character’s emotion without having to even name it. Moreover, it elevates the bittersweet air surrounding this manhwa, with it always feeling like the characters are ceaselessly pursuing true contentment or fulfillment, even if they cannot fathom it.

As such, I can’t recall another story that spoke to my experiences in high school as much as Shades and Shadows did. Just as Hye-in and her friends consider their relationships, their passions, their future, and their self-expression, I find myself wrapped within my own perspectives, fearing yet anticipating change. And as these characters hit the turning point of their arcs, finally seeing their own value and hearing their own voice, in their reflections, I discover a piece of myself as well.

A link to the manhwa, if anyone is interested.