Final Exam Blog- Reflection on First Semester Senior Year

I was always instructed to work hard, to keep my head down and the right opportunities will come along. I have been working hard since middle school, and this semester demonstrated how absolutely burnt out and exhausted I had become. “I used to be” phrases constantly pop into my head, remembering the grit and determination of my younger years replaced by the meager will to survive and stay afloat. Throughout this semester, I have learned that the way I operate is not sustainable and that in order to move forward and regain that power of motivation, I have to alter my mindset and practices. Quite honestly, I had truly questioned myself and the purpose of even going to school every day; I faced every class period with full blown despondency. Why do I have to go to a place that makes me miserable? Why does my school experience constantly revolve around stress and fatigue? In retrospect, I realize that the school institution itself cannot force me to feel a certain way- that how I react to the challenges it brings is the brunt of what I experience. Rather than wallow in self-pity, I have to retrain myself to cope with stressors and a workload that, realistically, will never end, especially into college and career life. Whether it be an indepth personal psychological analysis of my burn out or simple meditative exercises, there are some healthier ways to cope with stress and life’s diffculties in general. One of which is seeking help from loved ones and those one trusts.

I had a rather busy schedule, especially throughout Nutcracker season- a whirlwind of high stress and emotion. There were several girls at my ballet school who had gotten injured or quit the production, leaving the burden on me to fill many of the second act roles in the ballet. Caught in between college applications, ballet rehearsals, and academic responsibilities, I soon became incredibly lost and hopeless. When I finally broke from stress, I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable to a few of my friends also struggling through the ballet production; I was finally honest with myself and how my commitments and fatigued attitude dragged me down. Without their support and friendship, my life would have been brought to a standstill. For all the rising seniors, it truly does help- even for introverts like me- to establish closer relationships with others, leaning on them when times are tough. I wholeheartedly seek to continue this trend of being vulnerable and somewhat reliant on friends and family in my future college and professional career. This “lesson” of allowing myself to be open to others is something that is sure to help me develop real and reliable relationships that will persist through a lifetime.

Even beyond an emotional and mental support system, developing strong work relations with peers can help supplement learning. In my physics class, for each unit progress check, I was certainly stumped with some of the questions. It always amazed me to see how a group of driven students would assemble in the center of the class, working together in order to achieve correct answers. They would pool their knowledge and provide each other with valuable, new insights that allow each individual to grow and learn the material quickly. My brother, a freshman in college, is a testimonial to the fact that studying with others proves useful. Throughout highschool into college, he worked with a group of other students on material in challenging math and science courses; the most effective means of learning for him (beyond personal studying) was through teaching and being taught within a group of his peers. Within next semester and into the next year, I hope to also implement this truth into my learning, developing a new way of studying. In past years, I was able to get by practicing and learning concepts by myself, but given that college offers a new scale of complexity and time constraints, I would also need to maximize my time by studying in the most effective manner.

I cannot help but reminisce about a saying promoted by one of my fifth grade teachers: “work smarter, not harder.” I had never realized the true weight of this message until surviving these first six months of my senior year. Though it is a lesson that I wish I had learned sooner, I will attempt to implement it in the coming semester, and hopefully throughout the rest of my life.