Whether it be discovering penicillin (Alexander Flemming) to painting the Birth of Venus (Alessandro di Mariano di Vanni Filipepi, better known as Sandro Boticelli) Alexanders have proven to be integral for defining the history of the world, making leaps in the definition of science, arts, and politics. However, in the long and strenuous 17.583 years, I have lived on the face of this Earth, I’ve only been in contact with one Alexander who prefers to call himself Alex. 

Alex and I have known each other since junior high, like Alexander McQueen, he owns his own pair of leather sneakers, like Alexander Scriabin, he is a big music fanatic, but to me, he’s just Alex. Though he is, to say the least, quiet and reserved, I have noticed a lot of specific characteristics that only he displays. After substituting for the wonderful Abi Meikle for their Heartbreakairs Airband tryouts (go support!), my observations have only heightened themselves. Here are a few:

 

• He makes truly one of a kind analogies (making scholastic bowl practices quite interesting)
  • Me: Ambrose Bearce? Alex: Brittany Spears
  • Me: name for Beethoven’s sonata Quasi Una Fantista, inspired by his view of the lake Alex: Swan Lake?
  • *points at wooden art mannequin* Alex: ahaha tan robot

 

• Even at his largest emotional outbursts, Alex maintains a volume below 50 decibels (to put into perspective, rustling leaves are around 20 dB, whispering around 30 dB, normal conversations 60 dB and alarm clocks 80 dB)
  • He was assigned a part in the routine where he was supposed to lip sync to a scream, to practice the facial expressions and emotion we asked him to scream his lines. Nonetheless, he didn’t get the part.

 

• Alex’s mind is like a trampoline and he is the only one on it while everyone bounces off (this is an important one). 
  • Placid. Stoic. *stonehenge emoji* 

 

And after the seven years that I’ve known him, Alex has stayed the same. Indecisive but unbothered, calm but is able to talk in all caps over text. As I started getting to know him better through a mutual friend, I really started to wonder how the inner gears of his frontal lobe — how is someone able to maintain complete apathy in any scenario? 

I, of course, exhibit the opposite of Alex. I often find myself in panic mode, a feeling that is almost like a weight  hindering me from making rational decisions and honestly doing anything other than cry. With such highs and lows, I turned to Alex for help. It wasn’t until recently when I faced my own issues and asked for his advice that I realized the true fundamentals behind his actions were far from not caring but in a sense closer to resilience. 

Like many Asian children of our generation, Alex grew up with strict and arguing parents, an over-stressed future and a taxing day to day routine. With all these stressors, students (myself included) often find themselves lashing out in rage, constantly putting salt on their wounds and drinking enough coffee to fuel their cortisol levels for days. Alex, however, is unbothered by these stressors, and almost exhibits a sense of radical apathy. And yes, apathy has a horrible reputation, being apathetic about our current world hinders its progress, being apathetic about our own well-being hinders our ability to live fully. While I am a firm believer in fighting apathy for important world issues, I couldn’t help but think of its importance as well. As someone who often struggles with self-confidence issues it takes a lot for me to disclose my success in fear of those thinking I don’t deserve it, I often get bad lashes from my parents when comparing me to others and I’ve doubted if those who claim they are happy for me truly are. The underlying problem of it all only stems from me caring too much. 

As I started to talk to Alex on the ways he deals with stress, I couldn’t help but think of Mari Kondo’s famous question of “does it spark joy?”, and after much contemplation, I have realized that the quote pretty much defines him. In scenarios that normally bring us pain, Alex chooses to reject it. Not in a sense that he wouldn’t understand the criticism, rather a way of understanding to just the right amount that wouldn’t harm him. Like the constant lecturing and screaming of Asian parents, rather than transferring it into his own rage, it doesn’t let it get absorbed in the first place. And to those things that bring him joy, Alex chooses to quite literally cling onto them (Kevin?) and reciprocate the happiness. Thus, to be able to fully reach a sense of self-contentment you must first be your own mold and like Chrissy Stockton said in her own personal journey “You need to be apathetic about what other people think of you, apathetic about comparing yourself to others, apathetic about a whole range of things that can only produce worry, not happiness.” 

The positive apathy Alex exudes is almost profound. It is not extreme enough for him to develop a superiority complex around others, but it is also enough for him to have a heightened sense of self awareness. It is an aspect of him that I hope to achieve someday and learn from, to be able to change my mindset and be a better me. 

At the end of the day, you might be wondering what prompted me to write this essay. No, unfortunately this is not a declaration of love (perhaps that’s the job for someone else), nor is it a criticism; rather it is an ode to a good friend; someone who, over the last week, has shifted my perspectives more than the last seven years, someone who has opened my eyes up to my own views of self improvement. A thank you, nonetheless to an underrated figure. 

Alexander the Great died in 323 BC, Alexander Hamilton died in 1804, Alexander Pushkin died in 1837, Alexander Graham Bell died in 1922, thank goodness we still have Alexander Jang. 

 

Thank you for being my therapist 🙂