keep me where the light is…

^ lyrics from one of my favorite artists and a very popular song that you can definitely guess. Or if not you can look at the embedded picture.

Just keep me where the light is.

I think that these are words to live by. I’m not sure if the meaning stuck after I listened to the song, or if the song inspired me to think in this way. But anyway…

Where is my light?

On the floor and in the crevices when sunlight from the windows pools in the home that I’ve been living in for the past 13 years. The sunset when I’m playing outside makes the outside of my house look pink. On the leaves of that maple tree. From the Christmas lights hung up in my room all year round and the reading lamp on my nightstand.

But light also shines bright in my friends’ smiles for the stupidest reasons. It shines in every book I lose track of time reading. It shines at every movie night, game night, and car ride. Light shines after I finish a project I put a lot of effort into. It shines when I cry over a math problem only to understand it after a quick google. It shines from the Bose speakers when my parents play dad rock or when I play Taylor Swift (I see the irony in liking both Taylor and John Mayer- don’t worry about it).

Light gives me perspective; I can see from every angle. It keeps me grounded and in tune with the world. Sometimes, I don’t appreciate people and I don’t do the things I love which morphs what I see and puts on a dark filter. In these times, I’m usually drained from things like school and homework, so much that even the things that make me happy are too much effort. No I don’t want to read, no I don’t want to talk to people. I definitely don’t want to put effort into creating anything. I don’t know what I want other than to get rid of that emptiness.

You’d think it’s easy to stay in the light because that’s where I’m the happiest. But doing things I love and staying in tune with myself can feel like a chore when I’m already drained. It makes me want to do what’s easiest- like spending hours on my phone or other distractions. Sure, it’s easy but of course, it’s not what’s best for me.

Staying in the light doesn’t mean only doing enjoyable tasks. Sorry to break it to you- but obsessive skin care isn’t going to fix all of your problems. Keeping yourself in the light means teaching yourself to love the things that are good for you, or at least, acknowledge that they’re necessary. Everyone has different values and activities and people that are important to them. Although every light is unique, finding this light is vital for everyone. It’s like finding your home, or your rock.

When I stray from the light, I stray from reality. And in the dark, you can’t see beauty. You can’t see anything, which is worse than seeing even pain or negativity. If I keep myself in the light by doing things that are fulfilling, even if they take more effort, then I can thrive. Only then am I purely myself and truly happy.

Now you know that it’s not easy to stay in the light. But it’s always going to be worth it.