When asked the question, “Tell me about yourself?”, a common part of the response is “I like making new friends.” You’d assume that meant meeting new people and becoming friends with them, and you’d be right, but I’m here to make a case that it doesn’t mean and it isn’t the same as making more friends.
If there had to be the biggest thing in the world that you cannot buy, it would have to be time. Time is a resource that is consumed without even thinking about it; when you’re not paying attention, hours could pass by before you realize. That’s why there’s all these sayings of “time flies when you’re having fun”, “time is money”, and even “time is of the essence.” Time is the reason why much research has gone into medicine for extending lifespans, but while you may be able to slow down the nature of aging, it cannot be stopped. The urgency of time is even expressed in legal contracts for the parties to complete their obligations or else face serious consequences.
However, in the ordinary scheme of things, in day to day life, you only have 24 hours to do what you want to do. That includes necessary activities, education, and employment, but the main focus is on socializing. Due to the limited time you have, you can only spend so much time with each of your friends and family. How many people do you talk to on a daily basis? How much time do you spend with each person? I assume the answer to the first question may be a lot, but for the latter likely not as much. This is the dilemma every person has to face at one point or another: the conflict of being forced to decide who you should spend your time with. When life gets busy, you are forced to narrow your options until you aren’t quite flexible with your time anymore. With this limitation in the first place, how is it possible to make more friends?
It’s only possible if you don’t have many friends to begin with or if you’re trying to replace the friends you lost. But for everyone else who already has enough to handle, when you make a new friend, the time spent creating and maintaining that friendship is taken away from the time you set aside for your old friends. The less time you spend with your old friends, the more likely they will not be your friends anymore. Therefore, when you make a new friend, you lose an old friend.
Although that does raise a new question: at what point is someone not your friend anymore? Well that depends on your definition of what it means to be your friend. Some people have lower standards, setting the bar at old classmates. But others have higher standards, setting the bar at people you hang out with outside of school. Therefore, for those with lower standards, making more friends may be more feasible since their definition of friendship requires less of a time investment for old friends to stay friends. On the other hand, for those with higher standards it would be the opposite.
Whether you have lower or higher standards depends if you would rather have many distant friends or a few close friends. However, there is no right or wrong answer since it’s a matter of preference. Personally I would rather have a few close friends because I prefer spending more time with the same people. The same people are the ones I wish to stay in touch with when we eventually go our separate ways. It’s inevitable that you will lose some friends eventually simply due to the passing of time, but I’d also rather take my chances of being less likely to lose close friends compared to being more likely to lose distant ones.
In the end, while this topic is quite a morbid train of thoughts, it does reveal the people who are the most important to you, the people you choose to spend time with over everyone else. Ultimately, the best thing you can do is treasure your friendships while they last.
Hey Alan! This is a very interesting piece of writing that actually surprised me as I read it. You did a really nice job of adding some surprises as the reader continues to read more and more. For example, you start off talking about time and the importance of using it wisely, to the human connection and friendships which can be made within that daily time. It’s a nice concept and you do a really good job with the execution. I also really like when you talk about how as you make the time to get new friends and spend time with other people, it is a challenge to maintain the same amount of time with your older friends. This is actually where you change the main idea a bit, really cleverly. You ask a question, “At what point is someone not your friend anymore?” Here, you shift away from the time aspect, to fully focus on what makes someone a friend. I love how you explain your thoughts on a concept by making it relatable to many different circumstances, such as if someone has high standards or low standards. Then, you ultimately conclude with the advice to treasure your time with people and also your own experience with this idea. You say you would prefer spending time with a few close friends, and I personally am a bit divided on that idea, so I don’t have my personal answer to the question fully formed just yet. Overall, nice topic and really nice execution!
Great post, Alan!
I haven’t really considered this concept before, but that’s not to say it didn’t intrigue me, which it certainly did. Over extended periods of time (think years), it’s virtually impossible to keep your social circles completely intact or even intact at all. I lost a large number of friends as middle school graduation divided us up into camps of North kids and Central kids with a few Benet kids sprinkled in there as well. Granted, I do keep in touch with some of them to this day, but I’ve lost contact with just as many of those Central and Benet people as I’ve gained contact with new friends at North. The limited time for social development you’re given in high school, having to balance homework, extracurriculars, family responsibilities, and social responsibilities all at once forces you to prioritize certain friendships over others and compresses your free time further and further until you’ve reached a personal limit. However, I don’t think you have to invest as much time and social capital into those old friendships as you do the newer friendships, where you have to find common interests, spend more time together, build a bond, etc. Older friendships already have that bond built in from prior years, making them arguably easier to hold onto than you suggest- there’s less time commitment and emotional commitment needed. In the end, it’s likely for the best to maintain your strongest friendships from the past and find the people who you think have the most in common with you for the future. That way, you have a healthy mix of friends and perspectives and you won’t forget about where and what you came from.