i like grapes.

grapes are to be eaten with the mouth and not the hand because the hand is nothing but a spider with a tennis ball on top of a water bottle in the summer heat but really it isnt summer because summer is just an illusion when the weather flips between snow and the flicker of a computer screen yesterday i played six games of league of legends in which eric wang would not stop pressing the w key god damn it stop taking the minions with your soul sand crap im just trying to farm cant you understand someone from new york sent an email around two days ago or was it vernon hills and it is a literal book i still have not responded to it why is it that we still have to do work during the e learning period the hamlet essay that was due a while back is still not done because i have not done it but what is the point of doing the essay if the essay is not due until the end when is the end that sounds kinda dark but not really im just talking about the point at which the second derivative slope on my stock portfolio turns positive please just give me a positive return if amc doesnt go bankrupt id buy it right now but the weekends are terrifying for downturns or outpours of rain in which the rain isnt actually rain but rather its just grape soda yesterday we bought a significant amount of fanta and the fanta is very nice but not exactly the nicest when it comes to the pyramid of healthy foods that they list on the doctors wall during the doctors visit in which you have a bunch of bread on the bottom just like the midwest is built out of wheat it is kind of unfair how other states get to have mountains that go up so high while driving is kind of like a roller coaster but actually it isnt because the roller coaster is just a hill that leads to antarctica has lots of penguins and orca whales but i believe that it is the orca whales who eat the penguins to eat the fish and i dont really know what fish eat maybe the eat the worms that the people feed them while fishing so in reality if you think about it the food chain is just the people who create the worms not biologically but taking them out of the ground and feeding them to the fish who enjoy the worms because they are not vegetarians i am not a vegetarian because i like to eat my mcdonalds apparently the mcdonalds is closed so that is a bit unfortunate i got a shamrock shake before the quarantine and it was green before and it is green now because that was around march sixth did you know that yesterday i lost six games of league of legends i blame it on michael because he wasnt there to carry our team with his tree and that is likely because the tree is too op i heard that you can get a valorant game key by watching certain streamers then what if you kept twitch open for the next seven days on around fifteen different streamers what would the probability of getting a key be for the past few days our stats teacher has still been giving us stats assignments apparently we have a test in that class but i dont understand the point of having a test i require someone to assist me in taking a test but only in the most academically integrity based manner possible if you play three games of league of legends at eighty eight lp with a guaranteed one free win from your last promos lost you are guaranteed to get into gold if you win all three i think thats what i should do because the last time i played three games i lost them because i suck at ad carry that role is very difficult especially when there is a morgana that keeps on pressing the god damn w button im just trying to farm maybe ill switch to a tft main i heard that mini brian is currently diamond in tft wow that sounds like a lot of big brain though and its senior year second semester i dont have enough mental energy for big brain moves woo hoo the new york times crossword is very difficult sometimes i play it with cali friend like today but even when we were working together we still got six and seven minutes respectively maybe we just suck at english but not we because its likely just me not knowing words english is difficult i like grapes.

JO JO

*violin instrumental*

~ golden wind ~

*more violin instrumental*

JO JO

*violin instrumental*

~ golden wind ~

*more violin instrumental*

Ahhhhhhhh, quarantine is shit redacted. 

Imagine writing a blog that isn’t about the coronavirus. Nah, actually that kind of sounds like a lot of work. Besides, blogs are fake. 

The Minecraft server shut down a few days ago, and I have lost all purpose in life. Really, that server was the only thing tying me down to reality. I have lost track of how many weeks it’s been. I count days in oreo packs and tp rolls. My sleep schedule is a solid 4am to 2pm. I swear to God when Trow was like “Hey y’all let’s have a zoom conference at 1pm to check in!!!” I was like: bruh, we need to be more inclusive of the barn-owl sleep pattern.

JO JO

*trap music mixed with violin instrumental*

~ golden wind ~

*snare drum with more violin instrumental*

Ewang wrote his blog on league of legends. While he is far from his Faker-esque self-portrayal, tbh he’s improving fast as hell. I guess league is just like bio: after grinding 10 hours per day, even an absolute tuna can learn the passable basics. (Jk wang, u kno i love u. Just not your Karthus support. That redacted is corona).

Oh my God I think that Hamlet paper is due this week. I’m about 23 years behind on AP Lit Homework. I wish AP Lit was like Stats class, where you can just find the answers in the back of the book and copy paste them into the homework checks. I can’t even copy off of someone because writing is supposed to be unique (and turn-it-in will bust my redacted). 

Speaking about creativity, Brian was freaking out about the Creative rubric. He was like “bruh the creative rubric is hard as hell.” Idk if that’s possible?? Like how are you going to dock points on creativity? Over the summer, I visited the MOMA, and there was one exhibit where it was just a blank canvas. What if I submitted that for the Creative? I could attach a description like “wOaH the minimalist nature of this project questions the empirical nature of the Renaissance and their fleeting pursuits of concrete answers. After all, if the answer is subjective, is there an answer at all?” 

Now doesn’t that sound poetic? 

Poetry is fake. 

JO JO

*trap music mixed with violin instrumental*

~ golden wind ~

*snare drum with more violin instrumental*

If I copy-paste this line enough times, I think I’ll have enough content to hit the 600 word mark. I think some people actually put a lot of effort into writing a cohesive blog. Lmao, rip. Imagine trying to write a creative, informative, and engaging blog for every assignment. Bruh that’s like a common app. I stg I do not have the brain capacity for that. My attention span has just been dropping since January, and especially since the quarantine started. 

Oh, by the way, if you’re this far, remember to SUBSCRIBE TO PHYSICS DONE PHAST. PHYSICS DONE PHAST IS A YOUTUBE CHANNEL THAT’LL SATIATE ALL YOUR MOTION AND MATTER-BASED DESIRES WITH FREE, FOCUSED, AND FACTUAL PHYSICS CONTENT.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOjnndPveFarl-YNIolL3EQ

It’s Anti-Blab certified!

I went outside for the first time in a week. It was terrible. Everything was freezing and the sun was wayy too bright. Someone needs to put a night-light filter on that thing. I went outside because Stephanie and Marissa came to deliver green cake. Stephanie is making baked goods and delivering them around the neighborhood. She’s like the quarantine ice cream truck but for pastries.

The same JoJo theme song has been playing on loop this entire time. I’m starting to get sick of it. I should probably turn down the volume too. 

Pritzker called the quarantine days “Act of God” days, in which there is no e-learning required by schools, and any assignments are guaranteed to not damage a student’s academic standing. Does that mean any additional work is optional? Or can teachers pull the: hA i aSsIgNeD iT BEfoRe THe bReAk bs. If that’s the logic we’re using, literally any assignment that was remotely mentioned on the calendar or syllabus can be made due and for a grade. Whatever, I guess I’ll create passable versions of required assignments. At this point I’m honestly just trying not to get rescinded.

WAIT!! My friend in Cali just texted me saying that her school might follow university policy and make grades pass/fail. I swear if they make grading like that, can we just have pass/fail too??? Can I pass stats without turning in anymore homework checks? WAIT YEAH I CAN WTF IF THERE ARE NO MORE SUMMATIVE ASSIGNMENTS I CAN redacted PASS STATS NOW!!!!

Holy shit this is amazing.

Alright, I’m going to talk to Cali friend a bit more about this subject. Cya for now! 

Adios~

Zach

Ladies and gentlemen, one, two, three, four, five:

~ A little bit of Monica 💃 Erica 💃 Rita 💃 Tina 💃 Sandra 💃 Mary 💃 Jessica 💃 ~

This is Eric Wang Number 5, and I am pleased to introduce my harem of females. 

What’s on the top of a soda bottle again?

As no-blab Jason would say, “FREAKING 🧢 CHIEF.”

We don’t comment on controversial issues. Controversy is bad; it’s terrible for personal hygiene. 

Did you know that the coronavirus has the same death rate as the flu? But actually, it doesn’t. Don’t worry, I’m not like the Secretary of Homeland security; you can trust me.

Oh, Posey is speaking again. What happened? “Disappointing”? What? Oh no…that’s a yikes from me. Ahhh, there was a fight. Wait, they posted it to social media? I kinda wanna see

I am responsible for creating a helpful and courageous environment. I will aid in restoring the sense of pride and community of Naperville North. I would never want to witness even a snippet of the fight video on social media. 

🧢.

Today, for the tennis team, we played outside and it was around 40 degrees. Tennis is the “gentlemen’s sport,” so translating that into Elizabethean temperature, it was 25 degrees below the threshold needed to cancel practice. Honestly, my hands, ruffs, and breeches were very much not comforteth. Someone should have spilled water onto the court so we could’ve moved indoors and played badminton.

A sport that I want to try is ice skating. I’ve heard that there are many free skating areas in Naperville (7 Bridges?), but I haven’t been invited to an open-skate since sophomore year. 

Then again, free skating does seem to be very dangerous. During open skating, there is a high possibility that you could gouge out a cone-shaped pit in your lower calf. However, if you were training for the military (and if your skating partner was denser than the ELA curriculum), you may choose to go to ice cream again. At Coldstone, or some other unknown frozen-sugared-calcium-serving location, you may notice a faint wetness near the previous area that you slashed. Wow! Zoinks! Ruh-roh-Raggy! It’s a fucking hole. That’s the second yikes today. You may then join your skating partner in his landfill-masquerading vehicle to drive to the emergency room. And along the way, you may notice your partner giving a panicked call to no-blab jason, asking about the coverage of Bluecross Blueshield. Upon reaching the ER, you may proceed to get 6 stitches, realize that you have a fashion show to attend the next day, and saunter on over to Bobak’s in as if nothing happened.

Just a hypothetical, though. Figure skating can be scary! Remember to wear your helmets (and masks) in public spaces.

See, I have mine right here!

🧢.

@beta commented on the last post saying that she didn’t get a mention, so here is your honorary tribute, beta. Notice the absence of capitalization on the term, “beta.” If beta was legitimately an Alpha, she would trade Chick-fil-a for illegal goods/services before shooting her assassin who was attempting to murder your uber driver. Granted, beta received a slight boost in ranking during her performance at the talent show. We voted beta’s group for first place simply because her team code was “b” which stands for beta. 

*Kevin and Alex hmu anytime, though. Y’all are Alpha Chickens (just don’t come together because I don’t enjoy third-wheeling).

I played badminton with Stephanie the other day, and I felt kinda bad. We played at Egret in random matches, trying our hand at doubles. Our team kept on messing up on serves, even with the old Asian men attempting to instruct us. 

One of them came up to us and said “just like water! Make the birdie flow just like water!” Aight chief, gotcha. Just like water. I am sure that if we also concentrate hard enough, Aang will show up with his flying bison, teach us to airbend, and we can take back the northern water-tribe fortress from the fire nation.  

Jokes aside, we tried our best to play as a unit, but sadly, the difference in skill level between our team members was too great: 

Stephanie was just too trash. 

Get me a new partner asap. @Neil Xu you wanna hit on Friday?

🧢.

High frequency key tone, though, the older Asian players were, as no-blab jason would say, absolutely nutty. I’m guessing that many of them were into their late 50s or early 60s, but they could still react to the birdie faster than I could. Also, real jokes aside, they were very nice in helping teach me the basics of the game (until Stephanie started assaulting one Asian lady with a birdie).

Aight, I think that the Minecraft server is in full-operation at the moment, and we’re trying our best not to miss out. Thanks for reading blog #4, and hopefully we don’t have any more of these due over the long break.

Adios~

– zx

What a Blog What a Blog What a Blog What a Mighty Good Blog.

Yeah, yeah (ooo).

Just kidding.

I’m in psych right now and I just got my first “Hero” pass for being late from off-campus. On the first blog, I said that Echen is terrible at driving, but now I take it back. At least the man knows how to drive. 👀 @jeff. After getting Chick-Fil-A, we were parked at Meijer for five minutes trying to figure out whether or not we need to make a u-turn. This is why you shouldn’t eat waffle fries while looking at Google Maps.

Granted, if we were in Echen’s car, he probably would have gone 30 over the limit to get us back in time. Not sure which one is the lesser of two evils; I’m either late to class or at risk of vehicular injury. 

Also, why is it called a “Hero” pass? Is that jaded sarcasm? Am I being dissed by a 2” x 3” piece of paper?

I feel like if I had come back in class without the supervisor at the front of the school (who gave me a late pass), Mr. Scott never would have known. The man is pretty aloof. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know my name until I missed 8 days of school in January. Wait, did I even need to call out? Maybe he would have just marked me present.

During class yesterday, Mrs. Trowbridge said something about each blog having a “theme,” or some common factor that links each of them. Emm…I think I need to figure out how to write a blog before wrapping them in a common theme. Baby steps here. 

Actually, the other blogs all have some central theme with each entry. Megan and I read Allie’s blog on French Fries during Euro; I saw that Daniel focused his entry on Twitch streaming; Ewang had an introspective post of four characters. They’re very nice, but I don’t think I can focus on a topic for 1000 words without losing my sanity. I swear, for our Beloved paper, I thought it was 3-4 pages double spaced, so when I pulled up Amy Chang’s sample essay Sunday night on Canvas and saw a 4-page block of 1.5 spaced text, I shat myself.

Is it “shat” or “shit”? Is shat the past participle of shit? What is a participle? Maybe I should read directions.

Nahhhhhh.

I think I’ll just keep writing down anything that comes to mind in a free association format.

We played volleyball during gym today, and I was on a team with Aadi/Ewang/Jeff. Nick was on the other side of the net. Honestly, when you’re playing against a 6’ 2’’ member of the Varsity volleyball team, this sport is just abuse. Jason can tell you, N3L: “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” 

When Nick hits the volleyball, I hit the deck.

Oh, side note, Ewang treats any event like it’s football. Basketball, Soccer, the Homecoming Dance. That’s why he wasn’t very good at Volleyball; you can’t aggressively tackle the other team here.

(Just kidding you know I love you Ewang) 

(in a platonic way)

(please keep driving me off campus) 

(I can’t ride with Jeff or Echen anymore).

(They steer like apes)

In a few hours, I’m scheduled to assassinate my target, ______ _______. Last time, we attempted to assassinate ______ _______, but ______ _______ did not show up at the specified location. We were giggling like school children while waiting for ______ _______. Wait, we are schoolchildren. It was very disappointing. This time, we will ensure that ______ _______ is dead. ☠️. Figuratively. In the bounds of the assassins game.

With the other blogs, I noticed that most of them have an image to go along with the post and a few images embedded throughout the site. The problem is that I don’t know how to use images. I could insert those copypasta text emojis from Reddit. 

\(0.0)/ ! 

Is this visually appealing? Does this make the blog more engaging? Blogging is strange. Or maybe I’m just doing it wrong. I’m kinda hungry. I hope Ewang takes us to chicken lit after we murder ______ _______ ☠️☠️☠️.

I’ve exhausted all my thoughts. I didn’t know that Writer’s Block existed with free writes. Perhaps writing on a consistent topic would allow for a more coherent stream of thoughts. But then again, if I’m writing on a topic unrelated to me (like French Fries or League or Twitch), I think that the format would be more of a “They Say I Say” structure, where I find a topic and then react to it/describe my opinions on it. While that’s definitely a solid format, maybe my blogs can just be sporadic journal entries. Does that still count as a blog? What is a blog?

(Also, if we reacted to a topic or issue, we would need to create a works cited page. That would muddy up the site. It would also require me to watch a 2-minute ad on easybib. Or I could get a subscription like the New York Times. Smh. Heck no. I don’t support independent journalism. English sux. Verified facts sux. Suck.  Jk. I’d do the They Say I Say blog it if it felt right.)

Aight! It was nice meeting you. Please let me know when your college decisions come out; it’s always nice to see where my interviewees end up. Until then, I’ll be happy to answer any questions about our school or my experience there. I’ll be writing a report to the admissions committee, and you can also reach out if there’s anything else you want to add to our application.

Chao!

– zx

Perhaps I’m doing this blog post thing wrong, but I wanted to try my hand at poetry.

Finding X

Cercare, men, of the philosophes’ helios on heavenly bodies––

No, that’s not quite right, I’m not a Renaissance polymath, like those

paste-colored portraits I glanced over in my Euro textbook

last year, when I was filled with all questions

and far too few hands. I read Machiavelli, balanced crooked

in the memory of a bean-bag chair, told myself I’d

take up a gym membership, take up school lunch without

the lost clicks of computer keyboards and raindrop buttons, stuck

mid-conversation measuring time in the dry ring of bells

but I digress––in text without Provençal and Latin and languages

that the vernacular won’t understand, even––I’m sure I need to find

a letter. That’s what we came here for, right? A letter 

x, like the Leo among Renaissance men who patroned the arts and declared

feasts of Worms, shushing figures who called for reform. Well

I don’t know how to find x, but I know that years ago I

met a man whose reforms others would like shushed, him stuck

in the middle of vascular dementia, patronizing the arts and calling

a feast to be Of worms. We wanted to find x. Here’s what

we got: a kid and his grandpa in a retirement home, clicks

of a carmel photo. On weekends I’d bring my math homework

while he was there, listening to lectures of communism 

and oil fields and weeping criticisms of capitalist China

that Renaissance predecessors to Marx would find hard

to believe. The worksheet said to derive the circumference

of the circle, x. X, I found the circumference of my thoughts

spinning, lost and lackadaisical like Galileo’s fight for the

Earth to spin around the sun, condemned by faith

for speaking the truth. I wrote numbers on paper until the lines

warped, and grandpa sharpened pencils for my moments and his time, Mantegna 

to Raphael. The best days: flowered dixie cups of fruit smoothies

on a table, games of quiet and loud nostalgia as he dug memories

of a dreamer, coating my aspirations with the pencilled ephemerality

of youth. He was an idealist. I could have been influenced, but there he was

quoting Mao and Deng, making speeches by chance. The Renaissance changed

thinking. So did he, filling my mind’s open space with the most beautiful and 

terrifying thoughts. On a calm spring Wednesday, he rolled up in his chair,

the one pushed by the nurse, and fell, dropped. Here’s something 

they didn’t teach us in high school history: time is petty, worse than Cigna 

insurance company when he showed up at the emergency room

with a winter gown and clotted artery, worse than my mother’s sob in silence 

that echoed through the partition walls and linoleum tiles. I almost wish

it was the Church that struck him down, papacy adamant to drench his fiery beliefs. 

Cercare, men, of the philosophes’ helios on heavenly bodies––

there is no sun left. X is still blank and followed grandpa

into the unanswerable, but I must keep scribbling down numbers 

and rearranging thoughts. The textbook never says how hard it is, 

crafting theories and enlightenment after dark. So let me try: 

it’s not x. But it’s the only answer I know. The Renaissance

fades even if I wear edges of paper flipping through text, and grandpa

ends up taking those words with him. Outside the angel’s pin,

the philosophes push at thought’s door. But I am not a Renaissance polymath.

We wanted to find x? We got the past.

I don’t think that’s right. Sorry. I’ll try again.

Before exploration and written vernacular language, before 

science and empiricism and modern math, 

there was a kid, his grandpa, and the Renaissance. 

They chased x to the limits of chance,

and changed the text of history–