Ladies and gentlemen, one, two, three, four, five:

~ A little bit of Monica 💃 Erica 💃 Rita 💃 Tina 💃 Sandra 💃 Mary 💃 Jessica 💃 ~

This is Eric Wang Number 5, and I am pleased to introduce my harem of females. 

What’s on the top of a soda bottle again?

As no-blab Jason would say, “FREAKING 🧢 CHIEF.”

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We don’t comment on controversial issues. Controversy is bad; it’s terrible for personal hygiene. 

Did you know that the coronavirus has the same death rate as the flu? But actually, it doesn’t. Don’t worry, I’m not like the Secretary of Homeland security; you can trust me.

Oh, Posey is speaking again. What happened? “Disappointing”? What? Oh no…that’s a yikes from me. Ahhh, there was a fight. Wait, they posted it to social media? I kinda wanna see

I am responsible for creating a helpful and courageous environment. I will aid in restoring the sense of pride and community of Naperville North. I would never want to witness even a snippet of the fight video on social media. 

🧢.

Today, for the tennis team, we played outside and it was around 40 degrees. Tennis is the “gentlemen’s sport,” so translating that into Elizabethean temperature, it was 25 degrees below the threshold needed to cancel practice. Honestly, my hands, ruffs, and breeches were very much not comforteth. Someone should have spilled water onto the court so we could’ve moved indoors and played badminton.

A sport that I want to try is ice skating. I’ve heard that there are many free skating areas in Naperville (7 Bridges?), but I haven’t been invited to an open-skate since sophomore year. 

Then again, free skating does seem to be very dangerous. During open skating, there is a high possibility that you could gouge out a cone-shaped pit in your lower calf. However, if you were training for the military (and if your skating partner was denser than the ELA curriculum), you may choose to go to ice cream again. At Coldstone, or some other unknown frozen-sugared-calcium-serving location, you may notice a faint wetness near the previous area that you slashed. Wow! Zoinks! Ruh-roh-Raggy! It’s a fucking hole. That’s the second yikes today. You may then join your skating partner in his landfill-masquerading vehicle to drive to the emergency room. And along the way, you may notice your partner giving a panicked call to no-blab jason, asking about the coverage of Bluecross Blueshield. Upon reaching the ER, you may proceed to get 6 stitches, realize that you have a fashion show to attend the next day, and saunter on over to Bobak’s in as if nothing happened.

Just a hypothetical, though. Figure skating can be scary! Remember to wear your helmets (and masks) in public spaces.

See, I have mine right here!

🧢.

@beta commented on the last post saying that she didn’t get a mention, so here is your honorary tribute, beta. Notice the absence of capitalization on the term, “beta.” If beta was legitimately an Alpha, she would trade Chick-fil-a for illegal goods/services before shooting her assassin who was attempting to murder your uber driver. Granted, beta received a slight boost in ranking during her performance at the talent show. We voted beta’s group for first place simply because her team code was “b” which stands for beta. 

*Kevin and Alex hmu anytime, though. Y’all are Alpha Chickens (just don’t come together because I don’t enjoy third-wheeling).

I played badminton with Stephanie the other day, and I felt kinda bad. We played at Egret in random matches, trying our hand at doubles. Our team kept on messing up on serves, even with the old Asian men attempting to instruct us. 

One of them came up to us and said “just like water! Make the birdie flow just like water!” Aight chief, gotcha. Just like water. I am sure that if we also concentrate hard enough, Aang will show up with his flying bison, teach us to airbend, and we can take back the northern water-tribe fortress from the fire nation.  

Jokes aside, we tried our best to play as a unit, but sadly, the difference in skill level between our team members was too great: 

Stephanie was just too trash. 

Get me a new partner asap. @Neil Xu you wanna hit on Friday?

🧢.

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High frequency key tone, though, the older Asian players were, as no-blab jason would say, absolutely nutty. I’m guessing that many of them were into their late 50s or early 60s, but they could still react to the birdie faster than I could. Also, real jokes aside, they were very nice in helping teach me the basics of the game (until Stephanie started assaulting one Asian lady with a birdie).

Aight, I think that the Minecraft server is in full-operation at the moment, and we’re trying our best not to miss out. Thanks for reading blog #4, and hopefully we don’t have any more of these due over the long break.

Adios~

– zx