College essay
As humans, we have the idea that we need to be good enough for others in order to live a happy life. This poison spreads throughout our society as more and more people cast a shadow on who they really are. It’s more important to be enough for ourselves then enough for someone else. My dad taught me how to be enough for myself, by telling me all the ways I’m not enough for him.
Growing up, my dad was never there. He may have been there physically and financially, but never in the ways a father should be. I never had a meaningful relationship with him, but once he cheated on my mom and got a divorce, the thought of having a relationship with his daughter sounded like a good idea. After the divorce, I was constantly told I was never good enough. No matter what I did, I was never smart enough, pretty enough, or athletic enough. Even as his own daughter, I was never enough.
I have never received unconditional love from my dad. His love always came with a price that I can’t pay. Unconditional love should never come at a price. I can not change who I am, and I refuse to be like him. Deep down, my father is very insecure and does not believe he is good enough. I don’t want to pay the price of people I love to earn the prize of feeling better about myself. My mom, struggling to pay bills, puts my brother and I first and continues to pay for my equestrian lifestyle because she knows how much commitment and love I have for the sport, horses, and competing. I have watched my mom struggle, yet I’m enough for her and receive her unconditional love. My dad has everything he wants yet I will never be enough for him and be unconditionally loved by him.
The same behavior can be seen in our society. The people who have little to nothing appreciate others and the little things so much more, while the people who have everything say the little things are not enough. What humans need to realize is that the only people we need to be good enough for is ourselves. We can not unconditionally love someone unless we love ourselves — our whole selves, and every flaw. People like my father have a deeper issue, the internal battle of their insecurities. They do not believe they are good enough, so they do not accept others for who they are. The most important thing that I have learned from my father is that no, I will never be good enough for everyone, but it makes me realize the only important people in my life are those who I am enough for. As much as I have struggled with my dad, I have learned so much. I have learned who I am and have had to grow up very quickly at a young age.
Throughout high school, I never believed I was good enough. I always thought people would never accept me, just like my dad. As the years progressed, I have become more confident in myself and who I am as a person. I’m proud to walk around school wearing Motley Crue and Def Leppard shirts and be my clumsy, ditzy self. I have learned to laugh and love myself. I have learned to focus on being enough for myself rather than being enough for others in class. I am good enough. Maybe not for my dad, but for myself. I love myself unconditionally. Not everyone will think I’m good enough, and not everyone will love me unconditionally, but that’s how our universe works. It makes the people who think of us as their universe so much better.
