Month: September 2019

“Sweetheart of The Song Tra Bong” introduces us to a new character, Mary Anne Belle. One of the troops, Mark Fossie’s,  former girlfriend (and soon to be fiance). Mary Anne is described as an innocent, pure, girl who finds a place in everyone’s heart after being flown in by Fossie. Mary Anne is also very curious, specifically about the war and its brutalities but didn’t seem to really wanna be apart of it. As time went on though, she became more and more experienced, with weapons, with medical care, with the battle field and soon enough, it seemed as if the once pure and cheerful Mary Anne was gone and had been replaced by a cold hearted killer. This new person was no longer intrested in marriage and kids or even love itself, she was interested in the blood and fire and all the darkness that was attached to the battlefields and at one point, she became too obsessed with it. Mary Anne never returned to her bubbly self, in fact, it was as if she had gotten lost within herself and her dark desires.

Despite the fact that Mary Anne Bell is a no less than a fictional character, her transformation isn’t. Her curiosity isn’t. Her desire to achieve more in life isn’t. Her need to feel alive, to feel different isn’t. We’ve all been in situations where we too, wanted to take the risk, to feel the danger, the fear, just to feel a bit more alive, excited, different. But sometimes, those desires and needs get the best of us and as described by O’brien, they become a toxic drug, a drug so strong that we’d rather let ourselves get lost in all those desires than to have to live without feeling them, without ‘achieving’ them. Sometimes, we try to convince ourselves that we’re looking for an answer, for a purpose but what purpose would it have to destroy ourselves to find the ‘right’ answer?

When we think of war, we think of many things. ‘Beautiful’ is probably not one of those things. But i believe there’s beauty in everything, even war. From soldiers helping each other and those in need, children of war carrying on with their strong spirits through a living hell, to dogs posing in formal attires. It’s really up to you and how you define beauty.

On the fourth chapter, The rainy river, O’brien talks about shame and sees himself as a coward for entering the war. Now the question here is why would he be ashamed of himself when he’s fighting for his country? Did other soldiers feel this way as well?  Here’s my take on all of this.

O’brien did not believe in war. He did not see it as a necessity for peace. He didn’t want to kill anyone regardless of their race or opinions on war and ‘justice’. He was a strong advocate for all of this . But when he was drafted into the army, even tho he still stood by his morals and opinions and so badly wanted to run away to Canada, he didn’t and instead joined the army. He was ashamed of himself because he did not stand up for what was right from his point of view. He was ashamed because he came to the realization that he’s not as strong as he thought he was. He was ashamed because he would rather go against his own morals and values to be deemed as a hero than to be known as a coward for running away to Canada, Even tho he knew deep down that’s exactly what he was.

It’s honestly upsetting to think about how many other soldiers felt this way, only they didn’t get to live to tell their stories and come clean. We like to believe every soldier died in the most honorable way and of course we believe that because to die like that for your country and people is one of the most honorable things a person can do but it’s unfortunate that most of them died with the feeling of shame and cowardice surrounding them. They didn’t see themselves as martyrs or heroes.

So what is the true relationship between shame and courage?

“It was not courage, exactly; the object was not valor, Rather, they were too frightened to be cowards.” ~ O’brien

I think this quote by O’brien perfectly describes that. Sometimes, its the shame and fear that brings out the courage in us. The shame and fear of not standing up for what’s right. The shame and fear of not staying true to ourselves. The shame and fear of being ashamed and afraid of ourselves and our desicions. Sometimes you HAVE to be ashamed, afraid, angry etc. to the point where you HAVE to do what you think is right because none of us want to be cowards. None of us want to feel like we’ve failed ourselves.

I think one of the most important messages from this chapter and O’brien’s take on shame and courage is that no matter what, we must stay true to ourselves and fight for what we believe is right. It’s better to be known as a ‘coward’ but be at peace with ourselves and our decisions than to be called a hero yet live a life full of shame like O’brien did. You matter more. You matter most.

Hello!!!! I think I’m a little late to this whole thing but oh well. This entire post is some (random) stuff about me which you may or may not find interesting. I guess I should start by introducing myself; My name’s Sara, I’m 16 years old (soon to be 17 yee)  my last name is Kaikavousi which is too long and hard for most people to pronounce so I usually ask them to go with the first three letters: Kai (literally just pronounced like the letter K).

 A lot of people also wonder what my last name even means (you probably didn’t tho). To make it short, Kaikavous is the name of a king from a book called Shahnameh. The book is written by the infamous Persian poet by the name of Ferdowsi. If you haven’t figured by now, I’m Persian. Both my parents were born and raised in the country of Iran, although my sister and I were born in America. During the first few years of my life, my mom, sister, and I lived in Chicago but we had to move back to Iran cause of my dad’s job. Even tho my family and I would constantly re-visit the US, I was never really familiar with it’s people or had any friends besides my other relatives who live here. So that’s why this year was a huge (and difficult) change for me. We decided its finally time to move to America once and for all so my sister and I could hopefully have better opportunities for the future. This is my first year in an American school system so I really hope I can find my place like everyone else. 

I’ve always been a cat person and have basically grown up with them, so of course I brought my cat, Makhmal (means velvet if you’re curious), all the way across the globe with me. Was he stressed? Yes. Was I stressed? Also Yes. Do I regret it? Nope. We actually took him in from a shelter and later found out his previous owners had abused him and kept him locked up so he’s a bit shy and anti-social but he’s come such a long way (literally).

As far as my future plans go, I wanna get into NYU and become a criminal lawyer cause its been something I’ve been into and been passionate about for as long as I can remember. I’m also really into music of all sorts and do a little bit of singing here and there but I don’t really see that kind of stuff as my future career.

That’s honestly all I can think of about myself. Hopefully It wasn’t too boring, thanks for taking the time to “get to know meee” (◕‿◕✿) <—— ( I went through a lot to find these weird emojis and my old photos so please enjoy )

Life in Iran with my best friends <3

One of the many cultural tourist attractions in Iran, Village of Abyaneh

Ya’ll already know who this is 🙂