Starting in April, right after the SAT, the dreaded college search began. I had no idea where I wanted to go and what I wanted to major in. My parents decided to start help me find a college early, knowing I would procrastinate until about three days before application deadlines. Now, it is the last day of October, and I am finally feeling some relief from everything college preparation related.
Looking back, I realize the last six months of my life has consisted of 20+ weekends talking about college with my parents, eight college campus visits, three “college planning night(s)” in the NPAC, five submitted applications, many emails about letters of rec, and multiple piles of college mail. During junior year, I always overheard students talking about the colleges they were going to because either their parents or their brothers and sisters are there, I felt that I could never relate. Being the oldest of three and my parents going to either community college in another state, or a very high ranked school.
At the start, I had a basic idea of what I wanted: a smaller school, closer to home, with services that could make me feel comfortable. However, finding something I could consider a major was the toughest part. There were schools that I liked in some ways, but chose not to apply because of others, and there were schools I liked in many ways, but did not meet the academic requirements.
The process was not easy, as I not only ran into problems with finding things I did not like about the school, but money-wise, I had to be careful. Applying for expensive schools was not going to go well. After acknowledging all the warning signs, I was finally able to narrow down my list to what is affordable and fits my needs.
After sending out multiple college applications, I finally got an acceptance. As soon as I got the acceptance, I knew I was supposed to be really excited, but my mind started racing. What about my family? My friends? How am I supposed to leave the house that I called home for 18 years behind? I am slowly working things out in my head about what is going to happen, but now, I am kind of excited to move out and be independent.
As I get closer to the final decision date, I am a little nervous, but the move in date has me frantic. I am not ready to miss out on everything at home, or see my parents be sad when their first child moves out, even though they know it is for the best. But also, I am just ready to move on to have a future, not go through more schooling.
Sometimes, the thought of college and leaving the life I already have only to start over is heart wrenching. I am not the biggest fan of big changes, it is hard for me to leave almost everything behind. The thought that has hit me the hardest is how my parents are probably going to feel. Sometimes, I get in my head, believing that moving out is betraying them and leaving all their hard work behind, but in reality, I know that they want me to advance my learning and get a career just like they did.
In the future, I will probably realize that this is only one of the experiences I will be losing, and losing a connection that I will never experience again has not really settled with me yet. I haven’t experienced losing a family member just quite yet, but I know I will very soon. Maybe after that, I will not be as afraid to let things go. But a childhood and happiness does not last forever, the hardest part of reality is only just starting and I know I am going to have to learn that this is just how it is going to be and that I can’t keep being afraid of growing up.