We all know the feeling: walking into your English class to find the desks set up in concentric circles, pausing to panic if you are caught up on reading, and finally acceptance. A Socratic seminar. I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Socratics (at least before this year, now my internet always goes out when I need to speak), so much that when I saw people on TikTok making their dream groups for other activities, I began to wonder what my dream Socratic would be. I would need a few people to fill the classic Socratic archetypes but above all, I would need people who would create chaos. After some deliberation, I settled on the following people in no particular order.
Kanye West
Since my goal was partially to create some mayhem, who better to start us off than Kanye. From his antics at the 2009 VMAs to his run for president this last year, Kanye has proved he can be difficult to handle. I think he would also fill the role of a person who read the Sparknotes but not the book quite well. Kanye’s twitter feed is full of controversial hot takes that would surely spark conversation and keep the discussion going during any lull. Most importantly, Kanye isn’t afraid to speak his mind; as he said in 2018 “truth is my goal. Controversy is my gym. I’ll do a hundred reps of controversy for a six pack of truth”. That energy will keep Kanye going even after he runs out of Sparknotes quotes and that thought provoking wording with little substance behind it is perfect to build ethos during the discussion.
Dave Portnoy
While I understand how a lot of people dislike Dave, I’m a fan of him and his live streams and podcast. Dave would fill the role of a person who is up to date with the reading but doesn’t understand what’s going on. This won’t stop him though. Dave’s argumentative personality and sense of humor, combined with his ability to laugh at himself at times makes him an ideal candidate for the Socratic. While Dave may be an adult, he is up to date with modern pop culture and youth. This would allow him to bring in some new perspectives and explain things in a way that can be understood by all members of the Socratic. I could see him getting in funny and spirited debates, but still keeping things relaxed.
Lisa Simpson
Every Socratic needs its de facto leader and Lisa provides us just this. Lisa would definitely come having read the book and prepared with questions for the group ahead of time. Despite her age, Lisa is very thoughtful and cultured, I can see her bringing in outside perspectives and making connections between the text and both other texts and the real world. While many people, real or fictional, could fulfill the role as the leader, Lisa earns her spot because of some of her faults. She is self-righteous and intolerant of other people’s thoughts, perfect for creating disruption. Lisa probably wouldn’t be able to let go if someone disagreed with one of her points and I could see her getting into some shouting matches with other members. With her quick wit and intellect, Lisa could hold her own with any of the other members easily, making her a quality leader.
Joe Rogan
As the host of my favorite podcast, I couldn’t make this list without including Joe. Not designed to fit a certain role, I think Joe would come prepared having at least read the book and would be an overall solid debater and contributor to the conversation. As the host of the Joe Rogan Experience, Joe has had the opportunity to talk to numerous people from all walks of life. This gives him unique takes on countless issues that face society today as well as a number of stories to incorporate into the discussion. Joe is no stranger to debate, he is willing to stand up for his beliefs but remains open to new perspectives and has experience with some of the other members of this list, making him well equipped to handle the discussion.
The Vegan Teacher From TikTok
For those of you fortunate enough to not be addicted to TikTok, The Vegan Teacher is a lady who started off creating videos to advocate against animal cruelty and promote a vegan lifestyle. However, over time her account devolved into just fighting with teens over the internet and posting some controversial opinions. Watching her and the other members fight would provide entertainment and getting off topic is always one of the best parts of a Socratic seminar. She adds a lotof chaos and will definitely say some things that may raise some eyebrows.
Trisha Paytas
Oh boy. Definitely the most problematic on this list, Trisha Paytas could single handedly upend any Socratic seminar, even surrounded by the most shy people on the planet. She would come to class not having read any of the book or the Sparknotes, but with plenty to say. I don’t know how she became famous but during her time in the internet limelight, Trisha has thrived on controversy. She always seems to be publicly beefing with someone or saying things that make people do a double take–perfect for the Socratic. Watching Trisha on Dave Portnoy’s podcast alone was entertaining, if you add everyone else on this list you can sit back, grab your popcorn and watch the disaster unfold.
Steven A Smith
To finish off the list, we have the group’s funniest member, host of ESPN’s First Take: Steven A Smith. Steven A would come prepared to the seminar and could back his opinions up with statistics. The main reason I include Steven A is because he is a skilled debater. Each day, he wakes up early in the morning to get in shouting matches on national television. This type of energy tells me that he wouldn’t be afraid to voice his mind, plus if the Socratic happened in a first period English class he wouldn’t find himself out of his element. Additionally, Steven A is hilarious. If you are a sports fan and not familiar with him, I highly recommend you look up his comments about Kwame Brown or Lamar Odom on YouTube; you’ll have a laugh.
I think this list would make quite the memorable Socratic seminar, even if it wouldn’t be the most productive. If you have any other people or characters that you think would be good additions, let me know in the comments.
This is hilarious…great selections. Super random and controversial!
Owen, I really enjoyed reading this blog. It is certainly a creative blog topic, and it is something that I have never thought about myself, but I definitely will after reading this blog. As someone who is familiar with all of these people, I find it so funny the pure variety of people that you’ve included, especially to put them in a situation like a Socratic seminar. I’m not sure how it would play out, but to see Dave Portnoy with his large presence in social media and Stephen A. Smith and his large presence in the sports world engage in an academic discussion would simply be hilarious. As someone who has never been the most fond of Socratic seminars throughout my life, it would certainly make for a nice, entertaining change of pace to something dreaded by many.
Hello Owen, I found your list very interesting because I definitely have some common participants as you like Kanye West and Stephen A Smith, but I never would’ve expected some of the other people on this list like Trisha Payta or the Vegan Teacher from TikTok. I saw this trend on Twitter and began wondering what my Dream Socratic Seminar would be, but I think it heavily depends on what the topic is. One person that I would include in my seminar, regardless fo the topic, is Hasan Minhaj. A large part of his comedy is the situational comedy the viewer experiences when he is interviewing someone. So seeing him criticize and engage in a discussion with another member of the seminar would be very funny.
Hi Owen, I love your rotation. Trisha definitely seems like the perfect choice for the Seminar – I’m sure she would make some compelling points, and I feel like she could get an A without even having seen the book. For some reason I knew Joe Rogan was going to be on this list as soon as I saw you included Dave Portnoy – I’m not too familiar with either of them, but I feel like they give off the same vibe so I’m sure they could build off of each other’s points in the Seminar. I feel like this combination of people could definitely cause some dangerous tension, but it would add some much-needed excitement to the discussion. Maybe we’d even get to watch a fight break out, hopefully between Kanye and the vegan teacher.