Megan Cablk

Voices project

Research question: How does the representation of women in literature and media affect the importance of their roles as mothers and criticize the actions they may take surrounding motherhood?

One of the most interesting things I learned was how prevalent and polarizing the idea of motherhood is in modern feminist movements. Some activists argue that motherhood as a uniting force among women, and it is defining in the struggle for gaining rights and respect as a woman. However, others argue that women have been reduced to their roles as mothers for so long that true empowerment comes from the ability to decide whether or not to be a mother. These contrasting ideals in feminist theory have been at the forefront of discussion for a while, and are likely to continue to be discussed as the movement continues to adapt and change. Another influential idea regarding the topic of motherhood came from the Ted Talk source that I included, which argued that having a working mother bestows many positive qualities on the children, even though many women are criticized for wanting to work instead of being stay-at-home moms. I thought this source was particularly interesting because of the nuances in the argument; its important that every woman does what is best for their family. If staying at home is the best option and the family has the means to do so, that woman should not be judged for not working. Further, a working woman should not be villainized for her decision to work if that is in the best interest for the family.

Motherhood is an extremely individual experience; there truly is not proper way to handle being a mother. The sources I found showed me a wide range of the expectations placed on mothers, and the decisions they choose to make for themselves and their families. Though some of the sources are relatively extreme examples, I hope that those viewing my project can experience this wide variety of motherhood, and consider their own perceptions surrounding the experience. Even small comments or pieces of advice from family members can make a mother feel as if she is not filling her role properly and diminish her confidence, but as mentioned, there is no single way to mother.

Reflection

The most important thing I learned for myself throughout my time at North is resilience. It is not surprising to anyone when I say that we have an incredibly competitive school that creates very high expectations for the students, and sometimes, these expectations very easily become pressures. While it is good to have these goals to aim for, they can sometimes be incredibly overwhelming, and I have had to teach myself how to recenter my focus and keep working through things. Even if I am occasionally turning things in that I would not consider my highest quality, I have still learned how to put a maximum amount of effort in to every project, while still balancing my other academic, athletic, work, and social responsibilities. I think it is very easy for new and experienced students to get overwhelmed by the many influences of their lives at this time, but finding the thing, person, or place that makes you happy and recenters you in your work is extremely beneficial to staying sane throughout the four years. In senior year especially, balance is important. While it is important to stay on top of your academics, finding time to experience being a senior (whether that be hanging out with your friends, going to sporting events, etc.) will help you create memories that you’ll actually want to look back on, instead of only experiencing the homework you were doing that will soon fade from memory. The year should be at least partly celebratory for all of the work you have done.

(Thank you to Emily Gasperec for this idea!)

I still vividly remember the day I walked into a family friends house only to find a small monkey staring back at me. They had (unbeknownst to us) recently gotten their exotic pet license and adopted him. Now, I am not a particularly big fan of exotic pets — the pets are usually illegally traded, entire populations can be destroyed, families are not always equipped to give the animals the care they need, and some can pose some human health risks as well. But, even though I will never own anything more interesting than a dog, there are some random animals that I wish I could have as a pet, some more reasonable than others.

Raccoon

This one has many mixed reactions whenever I bring it up, but I think raccoons get a bad wrap. I’ve fallen down a hole on TikTok of people who own somewhat domesticated raccoons as pets, and I want to be one of them. Many of the videos show the raccoons eating eggs or vegetables with their littles hands, others show them cuddling up with their owners and even having play time. To me, they seem a lot like cats, minding their own business for the most part, but they’ll hang around once they gain your trust. I truly don’t know what it is about raccoons, but — much to the chagrin of my mom — they are easily my top fantasy pet. A definitely appealing alternative to a raccoon that has similar characteristics is a red panda. 

Toucan

Toucans are an interesting choice for me since I’ve never really had the desire to have a pet bird, but I think my obsession with The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room song from Disney World (not the show that goes with it, just the song) has made this interesting for me. I think toucans are easily the prettiest of the tropical exotic birds; I love the contrast of their dark bodies with their colorful beaks. On the contrary, I also think they are the funniest looking bird ever because they are so disproportionate with their aggressively long beaks. This combination makes this pet very appealing to me and it would be a great conversation starter to have a toucan perched on my shoulder. Part of the toucan earning a spot on this list also comes from a Tik Tok I saw of a toucan, so we can clearly tell what I am doing with my free time.

Otters

I’m sure everyone has seen the fact about otters holding hands when they sleep so that they won’t drift away from each other, and even though this is a basic thing to love, that very fact gets them on my dream pet list. I feel like otters would be very similar to dogs, just the semi-aquatic version, so in my mind I can justify being able to handle them. The biggest potential issue I see with this is the smell of the raw fish, shellfish, and other aquatic creatures that they would need to eat to have a balanced and nutritious diet, but I think they are cute enough to get over it.

Armadillo

Out of all of these, I think I would best be able to handle an armadillo. I did have a pet turtle for most of my elementary school years, so I think the experience would be pretty similar, just with some habitat and diet changes. Like raccoons, armadillos have the small hand appeal going for them and a sick ball-forming party trick to show off to my awe-inspired family and friends. Of my selections, the armadillos has the lowest external energy and attention needed, which makes it more manageable in my mind.

To reiterate my previous points, I am well aware that I would not be able to give any of these animals the proper care they deserve — even if you could have them as pets. These animals should be left alone in their native habitats, or if necessary, brought to ethical and respectable wildlife reserves that will be able to take care of them. Owning an exotic pet is potentially very detrimental to the animal, the environment, and the family itself. However, in my wildest dreams, I would love to have any of these animals be my constant companion. 

Like most people over the last few months, I have been watching a lot of content. I have scrolled endlessly through all of the platforms available to me (and since our family got rid of our cable network, we now have many platforms) and seen a large portion of the TV shows, movies, documentaries, and comedy sketches available to me. Here are three TV shows that I think are incredibly underrated and deserved to be watched by everyone: 

Hunters: Amazon Prime (Warnings: violence, language, some sexual themes) 

I don’t like to play favorites, but Hunters is my favorite TV show ever. This show consumed me. It’s dark, gritty, fast-paced, and heartfelt, and I have yet to find a TV show that I have been able to tear through so quickly. 

Hunters follows a young Jewish boy named Jonah (played by Logan Lerman from the horrible Percy Jackson movies — but don’t worry, he redeems himself) in 1977 New York City. After witnessing the murder of his grandmother in her own house, he unravels his grandmother’s dark past in the Holocaust, and discovers a band of Nazi hunters operating under his nose, of which his grandmother was a member. Inspired by true events revolving Operation Paperclip (but, keep in mind, an entirely fictitious TV show), Jonah dives into this world led by the leader of the group and pseudo-father figure, Meyer (Al Pacino), but does not know who to trust. 

There is not much more I can say without giving away the intricacies of the show, but there are twists and turns that I couldn’t even imagine, and I tend to pride myself on my ability to predict the outcomes of shows or books. From the first episode, the creators play on themes of morality, blurring the edges of what is good and bad, exploring if revenge is a sin in and of itself. This show will hurt both your head and your heart, but it is absolutely worth the pain. 

Some of the reviews of this show lean towards the negative side because many think the show is going to be a historically accurate retelling of Operation Paperclip and other stories of the first generation of Holocaust survivors, but it is important to rememeber that this is not the case and the show can be appreciated as its own, near-history, work of art. The show is definitely gory and bloody, and depicts many illegal activities performed by average citizens, so it is not for the faint of heart or for those looking for a history lesson.

Derry Girls: Netflix (Warnings: language)

If you couldn’t tell from my favorite show above, I tend to lean towards darker, more action-packed TV shows and movies; the second-hand embarrassment and sometimes unrealistic depiction of real life that comes from comedies or “coming of age” type shows does not really appeal to me. So, I had low expectations of Derry Girls going in, as it fits both of these stereotypes that I tend to avoid, but I found myself really enjoying this show.

Derry Girls follows five high school students through Northern Ireland in the 1990s, in the midst of the conflicts in Northern Ireland. Fighting both external division with the conflicts and the internal division of growing up, the friends try to navigate a slew of exaggerated teen experiences like finding jobs, going on class trips, and attending their first school dance.

This show is dotted with what is best described as GenZ humor that separates itself from typical comedies, and I frequently found myself actually thinking the jokes are funny, which is rare for me. But, the humor is not isolating; my journalism advisor has also watched the show and he enjoys it thoroughly. Even as the characters frequently poke fun at each other, there are plenty of heartfelt moments weaved through that shows you how much the friends really care about each other. 

Don’t F*** With Cats: Netflix  (Warnings: violence, language)

Coming back around to the darker side of my watching habits, Don’t F*** With Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer, is a Netflix docuseries that explores the world of Internet sleuths and their relationship with real-life crime fighting. 

After the posting of a shocking online video, a group of Internet sleuths came together to try to figure out who is responsible for posting the video. When the group becomes convinced that the video-maker is also responsible for an unsolved murder, the group fights with authorities to prove the legitimacy of their claims to get this murderer off the streets.

Much like Hunters, this documentary is not for the faint of heart, but it is worth it if you are interested in shows like Criminal Minds or other fake/true crime shows. The documentary is very well produced and researched, using interesting graphics and other visual techniques to show how the virtual and real world are colliding throughout this investigation. For documentary skeptics, the docuseries evokes similar feelings to a long episode of Criminal Minds or another show like it, and it is sometimes very difficult to conceptualize that this bizarre story actually happened in real life.

March 14, 2020

This photo shows the last “normal” day of the year for me. Two of my friends and I went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. While sitting in the dead center of a packed-to-capacity restaurant, I remember us making a bunch of jokes about the situation, even being excited that we got an extended spring break during our busy junior year. My actual birthday was on March 17, the first day of online learning, so I wasn’t able to do much that actual day. 

April 1, 2020

The first few months of quarantine saw a lot of family time. But, thankfully, my sister Elizabeth and I get along pretty well. We spent a lot of time working out together in the hopes we would get our seasons back, appearing downstairs at exactly 3 p.m. every day to annoy our poor mother, and laying on each other’s floors — saying nothing and separately on our phones — just to have some resemblance of human interaction for the day. Even though there were certainly points when tempers and annoyance flared, this period of time birthed many inside jokes and bizarre conversations for the both of us. Since we were the only people we were allowed to see, we did our best to provide consistent entertainment for our family (or at least, we think we’re pretty funny).

June 1, 2020

This summer saw the world in turmoil after the death of George Floyd, and Elizabeth and I knew we wanted to support the cause and the Black community as much as possible, understanding that we came from a spot of immense privilege. We knew that the rage we felt at the situation could not even begin to compare to the experiences of the Black community, but we knew that we needed to use our voices and our privilege for good, through educating ourselves, joining demonstrations, and contributing to charities when we could. This ignited a passion for social justice in my sister and I. Elizabeth, specifically, was able to use a relatively large social media following from her college soccer influence to educate her followers and advocate for voting in the election. We’ve always been a family that valued civic duty and showing love and support for all, but this summer really cemented that as a core value for our family. 

August 17, 2020

The end of the summer saw lower positivity rates and lifting restrictions, and when paired with my ability to get frequent COVID-19 tests at work, allowed me to spend some much needed time with my friends. Since we still wanted to be outside, we spent many nights on the Culver’s patio being (admittedly) obnoxious teenagers. 

September 1, 2020

And senior year begins! Coming off of the bad end to junior year, I tried to lower my expectations for senior year. Especially because we started entirely online, I tried not to think too much about all of the sports games, school events, and typical ‘senior year’ things that we understandably had to miss out on. Don’t get me wrong — I entirely understand the necessity of missing these things and I supported all decisions to keep us online and cancel events, but there are still times where I get upset about the things we’re missing out on. My wonderful riends and I have been trying our best to modify some events so that we can experience them in some way, as well as make bigger plans for the summer if the circumstances allow us to, but as the days continue to blur together it can be hard to not have a school dance or basketball game to look forward to at the end of the week. 

January 26, 2021

Now, I know I have skipped a lot of months, but nothing significant really happened during that time. I spent most of my days in my room, doing school work and working on things for the newspaper. After school, I would go to soccer practice or work on the days I didn’t have soccer. This was the peak of my days blending together, especially since my sister had gone back to school, leaving me the sole child in the house. Since positivity rates were skyrocketing, I stopped hanging out with my friends in an effort to protect my family and the residents at the nursing home where I worked. One of my friends did work with me at the nursing home, and, with similar worries about spreading the virus, we would stand outside of work for an hour (usually in the cold) talking to each other, since it was the only personal interaction we would get with people our age. These months were definitely difficult, and they’re the ones I remember the least from this year. Any thing I do remember could have happened on any day or at any time, nothing was particularly unique. Going into the hybrid schedule (this picture shows the first day we were back) was certainly a start to getting me out of that funk. I had somewhere to go and people to see, finally. 

Now

I don’t have a picture for this installment, but things are looking better, globally and locally. Lower positivity rates and increased vaccinations have allowed me to feel comfortable seeing my friends again, although there still is that lurking learned anxiety when more than three of us are in one place. School, work, and soccer keep me busy enough to have structure to my days, and the warmer weather is definitely encouraging in helping me look forward to the summer. The second semester “senioritis” is definitely setting in and motivation is a big issue for me sometimes, but I’m working on it. This year has certainly been “unprecedented,” “troubling,” and “uncertain,” as every person ever loves to describe it, but there have been epic highs throughout as well. I have made strong connections with my friends, got into my dream school to play soccer, and have learned a lot about my own resilience. This year brought a lot of hurt for many, including my family, but we have persisted, and we certainly won’t stop now. 

The poem “The Song of the Terrible” by Hilda Morley immediately struck me as being unique. As I filtered through the Poetry Foundation, I knew I wanted to find a poem that would challenge me, its meaning hovering at the outskirts of my consciousness; it makes sense, conveys emotion, but I cannot yet explain why. Much of Morley’s work evoked this unknown feeling, but “The Song of the Terrible” attracted me because of the unique use of spacing, the complex imagery, and the way she spoke about love, not only romantically, but universally.

After reading through the poem multiple times — confusing images of sewing, singing, and smoking swirling through my head — I decided the best course of action would be to break up the poem and analyze it in parts, in the hopes of piecing it all together at the end. What I first noticed was that the spacing did most of that work for me. The beginning of the poem has spread out, alternating lines (almost mimicking the smoke from the fire she’s referencing) that give way to two larger blocks of text. Using these guidelines to split up the poem, I continued plowing ahead.

In the first, uniquely spaced section (“Finally, the fire… to “Finally then…), the speaker focused on the image of the fire. The speaker is trying to get it to light, but is unsuccessful until they have turned away and given up on the idea entirely. I was reminded of the phrase “a watched pot never boils.” A favorite amongst my wonderful (and very Polish) Nana, I remember being chastised with this phrase when I was very young as I impatiently “helped” make dinner at the end of the day. I wanted pierogis, and I wanted them now. The speaker seems to be experiencing similar, though less carb-related feelings; the fire does not take until they turn away to do something else, highlighting the importance of patience and the uncertain timing of life. 

Starting in the second section, the speaker immediately contrasts words like “cleared” and “lightened” with “dark-red” or “wine-dark” imagery of leaves. ,At first I thought the speaker was using these descriptions to create important imagery, but upon more research of Morley on the Poetry Foundation, this intense and lively use of color is persistent throughout all of her works in the similar era of her writing. This discovery helped me hone in on the inclusion of these red colors as being more than the creation of imagery. In this section specifically, the speaker is describing a leaf that they have saved for their audience. The speaker compares the red leaf to a red, blood-filled heart, however, these images seem to contradict each other. Leaves, by design, are fleeting. When they turn red, they are prepared to drop from the trees and be blown away by the wind. A deep red heart is healthy, supporting life. The “message” the speaker references at the end of this section seems to tie into this contradiction; the heart — both love and life — are fleeting, yet we try to convince ourselves otherwise, that our deep-red hearts will not be blown away by the wind, but instead will stick to the tree throughout the winter. 

Coming to the final block of text, the speaker switched to the third piece of imagery, sewing. This section proved the most difficult for me, even after I had spent a large portion of time breaking it down and looking for patterns. After referencing it in the section section, the speaker finally reveals that they are talking about love, in some capacity. The images of sewing confused me the most. The dark blood coming forward after the finger was pricked by the sewing needle seems to signify some sort of confronting of love and life through the earlier depictions of the heart. But, the immediate change into the idea of singing a ballad feels more like Hallmark movie love than the deep connections and thoughtful insights the speaker was addressing before. While I still have difficulty with this section, it appears the contradiction is once again the point. The speaker’s love is switching between a profound connection from deep within the blood of a heart, to a more superficial declaration of love because that is what the speaker believes is expected. The speaker chooses the word “should” when referencing the ballad to be sung, hinting at some uncertainty within itself. The speaker is balancing the external expectations of love with their own internal passions. 

In the end, the messages in the first two sections (the uncertainty in the timing of life and love, and the balance of expectations), shows up in the last, and I believe the most important line, “& what was terrible / was simple”. It seems improbable that this uncertain love she references can at once be terrible (negatively connotated) and simple (positively to neutrally connotated). It was then that I realized that I was regarding uncertainty itself in the wrong connotation. Uncertainty does not have to be disheartening or unsettling. Whether it be in life, love, or anything in between, human beings are not quite fond of uncertainty, yet it surrounds us in all that we do. When faced with the vast expanses of life, everything is uncertain, nothing truly matters. To me, that is both terrifying and comforting. It provides the freedom to make choices and take risks since there is no correct way to do things. 

In the end, there are still many things I don’t know about the poem. I have tried to piece together the ‘more correct’ response, but some details still elude me. The ever present contradictions and changing imagery still causes a few headaches upon my twentieth reread of the poem, but the idea that love, stemming from the dark-red heart, can exist in such a terrible and simple contradiction, spreads to nearly all aspects of life. Our love may be fleeting, we may express it superficially, but in the end it still proliferates through everything that we do. Nothing matters, and that is why it all does. 

As second semester begnis, a lot of people have been wanting my opinion on certain things. My teachers want to know what’s working, my parents want to know if I enjoy being in school, and my friends want to know how I’m doing. I know they’re doing this because they care and I  truly want to answer them, but frequently I find that I simply can’t. I haven’t thought about what’s worked, I don’t know if I like being in school, and I haven’t considered my feelings about anything. To use the pandemic-favorite cliché, the days seem to blur together. 

The feeling that has come to define the last few months is apathy.

And I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. I’ve heard from a number of my friends and peers that they’re having difficulty producing the thoughts and emotions that people want out of them. Nothing is necessarily ‘bad,’ but nothing is necessarily ‘good’ either. It’s a whole slew of neutral or indifferent feelings. 

The concept of change fatigue has been repeatedly mentioned to me recently. Change fatigue is characterized as feelings of apathy or resignation people feel when facing what they perceive is too much change. Symptoms include decreased quality of work, increased feelings of anxiety, and higher rates of disengagement and burnout. This idea has origins in the world of business management — changing too many things about the operation of a company under new or revamped management can hinder performance and tank morale.  But recently, this idea has been adapted to include all types of people during the pandemic. From large-scale governmental restrictions to personal lifestyle choices, the last ten months have brought about previously inconceivable changes to nearly everyone in the world. However, from my biased perspective, it appears that students are being affected by change fatigue at an incredibly high rate. 

The biggest culprit appears to be the instability of our situation. In regards to school alone, plans have changed eight times, and those are the ones I can remember. For years, school has been the constant in every student’s life; much to our chagrin, we will have to wake up on every school day and report to an overly structured day. For the last ten months, that structure has been torn away. Paired with the constant shifting of plans — the elated highs when things seem to be going well and the depressing lows when we’re reserved to more weeks of being locked in our rooms — it only makes sense that students would feel off. Furthermore, staple sports and other extracurriculars have been shifting as well. Personally, the changing restrictions on soccer seasons have made it difficult to maintain a schedule. Knowing when my practices were in years past allowed me to have a structure to build my days around. Now, I find it incredibly difficult to properly budget my time or find the motivation to get the work done since I have little to no structured time throughout my day to keep me accountable. 

This feeling is not limited to students or teenagers. The teachers at North are having to learn new techniques and technology every few weeks to keep up with the demands on the students. My mom, a software engineer, has faced constantly shifting plans of remote or in-office work time and meetings. There is not a profession, age, or way of life that was prepared for the changes brought about by the pandemic. 

Admittedly, there truly is no solution. With the vaccine on the horizon, there certainly is hope, but short-term fixes are difficult. We’ve been told for months to try to find a routine, stick to it, and then things will start to feel normal. But, what are we supposed to do when that routine changes every few weeks? We are learning how to cope with an entirely new form of existence, and, personally, I would like to return to a sense of normalcy.

Banned books, sometimes called challenged books, are topics I have heard about in schools and in the media (everyone has at least one vivid memory of Banned Books Week in elementary school) but I had never really given much thought to. I have always been an avid reader and I am very lucky that my family have always encouraged that to the highest extent. I have been reading books that are “above my age level” for a lot of my life, and I would guess that a lot of the students in this class have done the same. But, for some students in the country, their access to various books and texts is restricted; schools won’t carry the titles in their libraries, teachers are not allowed to teach the books, and families will keep certain texts away from their children. Arguably, banning books is censorship. 

Some of these titles include incredibly culturally relevant and important novels, including To Kill a Mockingbird, The Catcher in the Rye, The Color Purple, and Beloved. Texts with themes or

A stack of books that have all been banned or restricted in various states.

topics surrounding the LGBTQ+ community, racial tensions, violence, sexually explicit themes, religious viewpoints, drug and alcohol use, and a slew of other reasons, according to the Banned Books Week organization, are the most frequently challenged pieces. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner, the novel we just finished, was banned for its sexual themes and discussion of abortion, according to the ALA Office for Intellectual Freedom. Even the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling has been banned in some states for promoting witchcraft, and the use of witchcraft by characters for “nefarious” means. 

Many arguments surrounding banned books say that they cover topics that are too “mature” or “controversial” for younger readers. To an extent, I understand. There are topics that need to be treated with a sense of respect and responsibility that some younger children cannot handle. It makes sense that some parents would want to limit their children’s access to books with sexually explicit material or profanity. But, they do this at the expense of creating empathy, sometimes because those making the decisions simply do not “agree” with the topics discussed in the texts. The education that comes through these texts about marginalized communities or societal challenges cannot be replicated elsewhere. For many, these novels could be the start of their understanding of the deeper struggles of different members of our society. 

Let’s take a second to analyze the world around us. It’s entirely mature and controversial. No matter how young a child is, they are currently throw into the world of hyper-partisan politics, extreme racial tension, discussions on pressing political issues, and a growing publicity and knowledge of LGBTQ+ community. A lot of younger children can, understandably, be kept away from these things to preserve blissful childhood innocence, but banned books extend to high schools, book stores, and libraries in some cases. This is no longer a question of limiting children’s access to sensitive material, it’s an issue of censorship.

Instead of outright restricting access to certain texts, a monitored consumption of them should be used.

Banned Books Week is an organization dedicated to educating kids on topics of censorship.

When I was in seventh grade, my teacher had a three-tiered orange cart in her room full of young adults and even some adult novels that had more mature themes, but that she thought were particularly enjoyable or impactful. To read these books, you had to get a permission slip signed by a parent or guardian. My parents, who have never limited what I wanted to read, were fine signing the slip. Most notably from that cart, I was introduced on a deeper level to discussions on LGBTQ+ rights and the Stonewall riots, coming right around the time that gay marriage was legalized in the United States. It was through these mature texts that I was learning about the world around me, learning how to be a more compassionate and understanding person. This same experience can be replicated for tons of children by potentially limiting, but not banning their access to certain texts.

It is through the media we consume that we truly begin to understand the world around us. Banning and restricting access to books is limiting viable information from reaching the people as they try to navigate an ever changing political and social landscape. Human beings are naturally clued in to learning from stories; tales of Santa Claus encourage us to be good kids throughout the holiday season, the boogeyman keeps us from venturing out at night. Why, then, is it reasonable to restrict access stories that illustrate the real issues in the world? Books are tools for understanding, and they should be accessible for anyone who wants that access. 

I like to think of myself as a relatively peaceful person. I tend to be the master of indifference, trying to not let the words or feelings of other people affect me in favor of avoiding the conflict and protecting my own personal sanity. Does this sometimes result in a lack of advocating for myself and heightens the potential for me to be walked on by someone else? Yes, but I tend to be cognizant of these things and can step up to defend myself when I deem it necessary. There are few things that can get a true, blood boiling, head spinning, heart pounding rage out of me, but there is one thing that is sure to do it every single time. Whatever.

Hey, I think this could be something really fun for us to do!

Whatever. 

I heard you were having a bad day, is there anything I can do to help you?

It’s whatever.

This is something that is really important to me, and I would appreciate it if you could respect that.

Whatever.

In all of my interactions with whatever., I have never had an experience even remotely close to pleasant. No matter the context, no matter the justification, no matter what it is in response to, I cannot fathom why someone would believe that is a good response. Is it the cool indifference that makes the person’s original statement invalidated? Does it make the person feel more powerful to deprive the person of a well-written answer that recognizes their feelings instead of dismissing them? I’m not sure. 

In a conversation, I can do nothing with whatever. There is no response to come back with. If I try to keep the same conversation going, I am likely to be met with that same dismissive energy. If I try to change the conversation, I am justifying and reinforcing the behavior. If I call someone out for it, I become the weird girl who gets so genuinely angry over “just a word.” So, congratulations, with just eight letters you have essentially shut down lines of communication!

I am willing to end relationships over whatever. Hear me out: I am not a Twitter user cancelling a celebrity over the absolute smallest of injustices. If whatever. becomes a pattern, I will respectfully ask  you to stop and try my best to explain why I set that as a personal boundary, just as I am doing now. But as with any set boundary, if that continues to be crossed time and time again there will eventually be a point of no return. 

However, allow me to qualify my argument. I am not opposed to all forms of whatever; my true qualm is with whatever. Whatever you want to do, I’m down with whatever, and whatever sounds good are all perfectly valid uses of a valid word in the English language. The discrepancy here is all in the context and connotation. To use whatever. as a weapon to strike at another person is where I start having issues. There are thousands upon thousands of possible combinations of words to respond to the same question with marginally more effort and consideration for how the other person will feel. If you don’t want to do something or talk about it — just say that. There’s no reason for whatever. to be the first instinct. 

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking: Megan it’s just a word, you’re being a little aggressive. People use it all of the time and don’t mean anything negative by it. But, it’s not really just a word, is it?  Words are power; connotation is power. Receiving a whatever. when you are trying to have a genuine conversation — trying to connect with someone — effectively severs that connection. My words are an extension of me just as yours are an extension of you. If you are not able to honor me through a justified response that doesn’t nullify the entire conversation, that is (whether you understand it or not) a reflection of your character. The words we choose to use and the connotations we choose to use have a much larger impact than we tend to consider in the moment; what may seem to be a minuscule decision in an irrelevant conversation allows doubt and uncertainty to bloom in the mind of the person on the receiving end. What did I do wrong? Are they mad? Do they even want to talk to me?  Every word can be a stake driven through the heart or a balm used to heal. 

So, please, pick another way to respond. Or whatever.