Megan Cablk

(Thank you to Emily Gasperec for this idea!)

I still vividly remember the day I walked into a family friends house only to find a small monkey staring back at me. They had (unbeknownst to us) recently gotten their exotic pet license and adopted him. Now, I am not a particularly big fan of exotic pets — the pets are usually illegally traded, entire populations can be destroyed, families are not always equipped to give the animals the care they need, and some can pose some human health risks as well. But, even though I will never own anything more interesting than a dog, there are some random animals that I wish I could have as a pet, some more reasonable than others.

Raccoon

This one has many mixed reactions whenever I bring it up, but I think raccoons get a bad wrap. I’ve fallen down a hole on TikTok of people who own somewhat domesticated raccoons as pets, and I want to be one of them. Many of the videos show the raccoons eating eggs or vegetables with their littles hands, others show them cuddling up with their owners and even having play time. To me, they seem a lot like cats, minding their own business for the most part, but they’ll hang around once they gain your trust. I truly don’t know what it is about raccoons, but — much to the chagrin of my mom — they are easily my top fantasy pet. A definitely appealing alternative to a raccoon that has similar characteristics is a red panda. 

Toucan

Toucans are an interesting choice for me since I’ve never really had the desire to have a pet bird, but I think my obsession with The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room song from Disney World (not the show that goes with it, just the song) has made this interesting for me. I think toucans are easily the prettiest of the tropical exotic birds; I love the contrast of their dark bodies with their colorful beaks. On the contrary, I also think they are the funniest looking bird ever because they are so disproportionate with their aggressively long beaks. This combination makes this pet very appealing to me and it would be a great conversation starter to have a toucan perched on my shoulder. Part of the toucan earning a spot on this list also comes from a Tik Tok I saw of a toucan, so we can clearly tell what I am doing with my free time.

Otters

I’m sure everyone has seen the fact about otters holding hands when they sleep so that they won’t drift away from each other, and even though this is a basic thing to love, that very fact gets them on my dream pet list. I feel like otters would be very similar to dogs, just the semi-aquatic version, so in my mind I can justify being able to handle them. The biggest potential issue I see with this is the smell of the raw fish, shellfish, and other aquatic creatures that they would need to eat to have a balanced and nutritious diet, but I think they are cute enough to get over it.

Armadillo

Out of all of these, I think I would best be able to handle an armadillo. I did have a pet turtle for most of my elementary school years, so I think the experience would be pretty similar, just with some habitat and diet changes. Like raccoons, armadillos have the small hand appeal going for them and a sick ball-forming party trick to show off to my awe-inspired family and friends. Of my selections, the armadillos has the lowest external energy and attention needed, which makes it more manageable in my mind.

To reiterate my previous points, I am well aware that I would not be able to give any of these animals the proper care they deserve — even if you could have them as pets. These animals should be left alone in their native habitats, or if necessary, brought to ethical and respectable wildlife reserves that will be able to take care of them. Owning an exotic pet is potentially very detrimental to the animal, the environment, and the family itself. However, in my wildest dreams, I would love to have any of these animals be my constant companion.