Stuck on love? Well, I’m no expert, but after doing some research, I guess you might as well just call me one! Let me introduce to you the (sike)ology of love. How and why do we love the way we do?
There have been three main theoretical approaches to the study of love. The first is the Styles of Love, which was introduced by John Alan Lee in 1973. There are three primary styles: Eros, Ludos, and Storge. In addition, there are three secondary styles: Mania, Pragma, and Agape.
Eros: This name is derived by the Greek god of love and sex. As you can probably guess from the name, this style of love is comprised of romantic and very passionate love. People that are in this category tend to view love as some sort of ideal. These types of people are usually portrayed as “hopeless romantics.” You know the type… love at first sight… #ew. They have a certain type of obsession with love, almost playing in a fantasy world with their lover.
Ludos: Ever played the game of love? Well for these people, love is the main game they play. This name is derived from the Latin translation of “play.” People who have a ludos style like to play with others emotions and manipulate them. They aren’t very attached to their partners. Often times, these people will flirt with others or have a love affair while being in a relationship.
Storge: The name is derived from the Greek term for “natural affection.” This style of love starts out as a friendship. It is slow developed, from a shared interest in activities into genuine interest in the person. People with this style are less passionate with sex and affection is shown through non-sexual ways.
Mania: This comes from the Greek term for “madness.” Mania is a combination of Eros and Ludos. People with this style of love is obsessed with their partner. They tend to get jealous easily and can distrust their partner’s sincerity. They have a desire to be in love, imagining their partner in different scenarios.
Pragma: This comes from the Greek term for “practical love.” Pragma is a combination of Ludos and Storge. People with this style share common goals with the partner and the relationship is business-like. Personality and interests tend to be similar. Their partner satisfies their criteria until someone better comes along.
Agape: This comes from the Greek term for “brotherly love.” Agape is the combination of Eros and Storge. This style is more selfless than the other ones. It believes that everyone is able to find the love that they deserve. An Agape love is patient and not easily jealous. Agape lovers tend to put their partner’s happiness before their own.
Now that you know the 6 styles of love, why don’t you reflect on what style you fit into? If you’re having trouble figuring which style you are, luckily there are developed tests that can help you.
Click This To Take the Love Style Test
The second theoretical approach to the study of love was introduced by Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. The Triangular Theory of Love include three components of love and how they interact with each other. The three corners (components) are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The three components are mixed together to produce different types of love relationships. A relationship that only has one component is less likely to survive as long as others with two or more components. Intimacy is essentially how close you can get with your partner in the emotional sense, creating a feeling of deep connection. Passion is what drives the physical aspect of the relationship. And last but not least, Commitment draws the division between short term and long term relationships.
Through the course of your relationship, the balance of Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment will change. This is perfectly normal!
The third and final approach to the study of love is the one that you are probably the most familiar with (well, because we did it in class): The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The Five Love Languages consist of Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch.
What is really interesting to our generation is that most of us prefer Quality Time as our love language. Perhaps we are so caught up with school and extracurriculars that we don’t get as much time with the people we love. Being there in the moment with somebody is meaningful to us because we take time out of our days just to be with that one person. Personally, I scored the highest possible score in this category.
Another interesting thing is that males tend to score higher on Physical Touch than females. However, this does not mean that they are more touchy than females. It could just mean that they like little pats on the back or a slight touches to show emotions.
If you want to find out what your love language is, click the link below.
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
Now that you have learned the three approaches to the study of love, let’s see how you can apply it to real life! Hopefully, this blog has helped you understand the way you love. See you next time and keep me updated!
XOXO,
your fave blogger 😉
“Love Styles – Truth About Deception.” Love Styles – Truth About Deception, www.truthaboutdeception.com/relationship-issues/love-styles.html.
“Love.” Robert J. Sternberg, www.robertjsternberg.com/love.
Rafter, Mark. “Love and Loss.” 2013.
Regan. “General Theories of Love.” Sagepub, 30 Oct. 2002.
“Triangular Theory of Love.” Hofstra University.
Wow, I didn’t know there were so many models and such solid definitions of love! Do you believe these three models to be generally accurate and descriptive of such an arbitrary idea? They do seem quite logical to me, and certainly cover the multidimensional range of love as they differ from person to person.
Yeah, for the most part I do think these models tend to be accurate. When I look at people relationships, based on what I see and interpret and from what I know, I can usually guess how long their relationship would last and what their relationship is like.