Y’all these random, 4am Youtube recommendations have been hitting different.
Are you guys ever just listening to a song for the first time and then suddenly you are in your feels? For like no reason? It isn’t even the lyrics that are speaking to you, it’s literally just the way the song ~is~. The sound of the music or the beat takes you back to a certain time in your life or even forces a memory that doesn’t exist but you wish it did.
I love when music evokes emotion within me, even if I don’t actually know what I’m feeling when I’m listening to it. I can never tell whether I’m sad, nostalgic, nauseous (yes, sometimes I literally feel like throwing up when I listen to certain music), or all three. Despite my confusion, I’ve listened to many songs before and during quarantine that have this effect on me.
So, if you’ve been consistently staying up until you hear birds chirping outside your window and feel like there’s an empty void within you, I’ve made a playlist just for you. It’ll probably make you feel worse than you already do, but hey, at least you’ll feel something?
Cherry Wine by Hozier playing from a distant church in a forest
I can’t count how many times I’ve listened to this. And I don’t even know why I’ve listened to it so much because it literally makes me feel so horrible. When I listen to this specific audio, all I want is to be running barefoot, my white dress flowing with the wind, in a forest somewhere in Europe. But it HURTS because I know I will never have this future. Listening to this also makes me feel like I was some sort of 16th-century princess of England in a past life and that I’m walking around in a secret garden to meet up with a prince behind the bushes. The chirping birds; the light flow of water; the fact that it sounds like it’s playing in the distance. Once the song is over, I am always left with this empty longing for a life I know I’ll never live. Or I’m left with this desperate need to remember something I know has never happened. But even though this song leaves me feeling pretty crappy, it is so beautiful. The muffled guitar kind of sounds like a harp, adding to the mystical effect. Hozier’s voice fits perfectly for this type of medieval-folk vibe. I have a love-hate relationship with this song.
Hell of a Night by Travis Scott but just the beginning instrumentals
Okay, so this audio is originally from one of Travis Scott’s first mixes called Hell of A Night. The full song is already fire but the beginning instrumentals are amazing. I honestly feel like he couldn’t have found a more perfect sample. The vibes are i m m a c u l a t e. As it crescendos from a quiet volume to a more prominent one, it’s as if something inside of my chest is building up too. It’s so hard to explain. Also, when that first set of synthesizers come in, I really can’t help but smile. It feels so epic. Listening to this makes me think of the type of summers you see in movies that take place by the beach. Ones that include night drives on Highway 1 with the windows down, running in and out of the ocean with best friends, and watching sunsets on a big hill. A type of summer that I’ve never experienced and probably won’t for the remainder of my teenage years 🙁 So even though the actual audio has a pretty exuberant beat, listening to it makes me feel sad. It reminds me of the time that I’ve wasted and opportunities I never seized.
Sweet Creature by Harry Styles with isolated vocals
This one probably makes me so emo because it’s Harry Styles. When I listen to this, I feel like there is a knot twisting up in my chest. So Harry Styles released his debut album during my sophomore year and I can confidently say that sophomore year was my worst year of high school, emotionally, by far. I listened to this song a lot during a time when I was super stressed, sad, and confused – which is probably why I always feel so strange when I hear it now. It’s nostalgic but not in a good way. The audio itself is beautiful yet it uncovers some really unhappy times. His isolated vocals are stunning but again, it instills this very empty feeling inside of me. Also, I’ve been a huge fan of One Direction since 5th grade (!!!), so listening to any songs from their solo careers makes me realize how old they are and how old I am.
Sanctuary by Joji but slowed and reverb
A song for the ultimate sad boi hours. The original version of Sanctuary was my top song of 2019, according to Spotify, because I listened to it every day in the summer and every time I drove home from cross country practice. This song is just pure nostalgia for me, honestly. It not only reminds me of a time where I was more free and happy (last summer) but of also how fast senior year went by. Even though I had a good senior year, I still feel like I didn’t pay enough attention to the little details and took for granted the time I had left with my friends. So, as I’m listening to this song while writing this blog, extreme guilt is building up in me. I can’t believe that I’m never going to be a part of the NNHS cross country team again; I’ll never go to off-campus lunch with my friends again; I’ll never experience seeing my friends in the hallways again. It all just flew by before my eyes so fast. This particular audio definitely has more of a “wow” factor. As in “wow, the deeper tone and slower beat really allow for the sadness to seep in even more than the original.” The prolonged instrumentals make me feel as if I’m floating and ascending towards the sky. It also forces you to appreciate the lyrics and vocals.
Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers but in a dream
‘I wAs BoRn In ThE wRoNG gEnErAtIoN.’ As much as I would hate to be alive during the 1960s as an Asian-American woman, I will admit they had some wonderful music. Before listening to this version, I’ve never had a problem with the original. It was always just a song that I would blast in the car and belt out to. Even upon my initial hearing of this version, it sounded sad, but it didn’t make me feel. Then I started reading the comments. So, with all the songs I’ve recommended, people will usually make up heartbreaking, emo scenarios to go along with it in the comments, and the things people came up with for this audio hit different. Someone literally said, “Unchained Melody but you’re blasting off in a rocket to Mars looking out the window as Earth is bombarded by nuclear explosions.” It is so random and something I’d never think of, but when I read it… I was shaken. For some reason, a bunch of the scenarios for this audio are about the world ending, and oddly enough, they kind of make sense. Also, this is going to sound so stupid when I say it, but listening to this song makes me realize that actual people were living during the 60s. Yes, obviously, I know people were alive 80 years ago, but this version transports me to that time and makes me feel like I’m actually there. People like my grandparents and my dad were alive during that era, and it’s crazy to me. Then I’m reminded of how much time has passed and I get pretty sad about it. I know it sounds pretty dumb reading this, but just listen to it and you’ll understand.
I probably could have written a more cohesive and informational blog that would have included scientific data, but these are my genuine thoughts. I actually shed a couple of tears because I was listening to the songs while writing this. Music has a great impact on me and during these strange times, I’ve done a lot of listening and reflecting. In the future, I wonder which songs will be the ones to bring me back to #quaratine2020 and make me feel weird when I hear them for the first time again.