As my first semester as a high school senior inched slowly to a close, I found myself not so much complaining rather than lamenting about my current predicament— piles of unfinished assignments, most of them overdue, with no hint of being completed anytime soon. In the midst of such a dire situation, I longed for two things:
to rewind time, and to fast forward time.
I wanted to rewind to the days where homework took five minutes and school was something to look forward to; when reading was for leisure only and hours of spare time was an unwanted bore. Yet at the same time, I yearned to fly forward past winter break into the second semester.
A second-semester senior.
Magical words that promised limitless freedom, carefree school, and bittersweet memories beyond compare.
But to be quite honest, none of this wishful thinking brought any relief to my stress. If anything, it simply multiplied my already countless complaints and dissatisfactions. Deep down, I always knew that my procrastination would catch up to me, my endless daydreaming and “productive procrastination” tactics were just excuses to continue prolonging my present responsibilities. I began to wonder why I seemed to be always trapped in this mindset, selfish and undeserving, I could not understand the reason behind my distaste towards each stage of life that I was presented.
When I was eight, I wanted to be ten.
When I was twelve, I wanted to be fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I wished to be seventeen.
And yet when I passed seventeen, finally stepping through the gates of eighteen that signified adulthood, I immediately thought of how I would give anything to be eight again.
See, humans can never be satisfied.
While lost in my own world of musings, I decided to utilize my time productively and momentarily forget about my most pressing issues by turning towards a well-loved film— Midnight in Paris.
Owen Wilson’s portrayal of the tender, budding American author Gil Pender who is transported back into the golden era of the 20’s never fails to make me smile, but as the film drew to a close, its message smacked me right on the head and I was stunned by my own ignorance. Gil had enjoyed dropping in on the 20’s and experiencing the Jazz Age glamour of his wildest fantasies including meeting the Fitzgeralds, Hemmingway, and Dali, but he was aware of his present realities.
On the other hand, when Gil and his newfound friend Adriana visited her favorite era— Belle Epoque, Adriana did not want to leave at all. Compared to Gil Pender who adored the 20’s but still acknowledged his real-life responsibilities, Adriana found her reality of life in the 20’s was so dull that she couldn’t wait to leave it soon enough, not even thinking twice of the consequences that could come with leaving her time period.
Adriana, if you stay here though, and this becomes your present then pretty soon you’ll start imagining another time was really your… You know, was really the golden time. Yeah, that’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life’s a little unsatisfying.
These were the last few words Gil Pender uttered to Adriana before he left her in Belle Epoque, whilst coming to his own realization that we can’t dwell on the past without losing sight of the present. I’ve been just like Adriana, living in the fantasies of my headspace and unwilling to acknowledge my most current, pressing responsibilities; continuously wish, wish, and wishing for times to be different, my workload to be lighter, and Infinite Campus to be kind.
Alas, humans will forever be lusting after the unattainable, including moping over regrettable decisions years after it had past or willing for future months to arrive sooner.