Welcome back from winter break, everyone, and hello to our new friends who have joined the AP Lit blogging game. As I’ve stated before, my blog is kind of a mess without any one central theme, but I will always do my best to make these pieces interesting…or at least, I try to. You see, even with my heart in the right place and despite my love for the catharsis of blogging, I can never start these godforsaken things on time. I am always either forgetting a due date or being too busy or just generally having no idea what to write about. I know it is a new year, but I’m still the same old me and I’m not so much of a hypocrite to force advice onto you that I don’t even follow myself, so here you have it folks: my most tried and true tips for maximizing your procrastination.

1. Download lots of “meaningful” games on your phone.

Now, this tip may seem obvious, but you would be surprised how important that fourth word is. Choosing a task that is actually engaging to you will stop yourself from becoming bored and moving on to other games which may also disengage, and god forbid actually bore you into doing your work. If all else fails and you cannot find anything better to do online, try not to forget the built-in anti-productivity games every human comes equipped to do. My personal favorites include seeing how long you can hold your breath for, saying the alphabet backward, making up histories of the people around you, or even just mindlessly dancing around. It doesn’t matter if you’re having fun at this point, as long as you’re not doing your work, in my book, you’re succeeding.

2. Trick yourself into thinking you’re being productive.

Though it’s decidedly a bit meta, making yourself believe your procrastination is actually helpful can help to ease the guilt of wasting your life away and the total panic of destroying your grades. Maybe make lists of all the things you need to do, maybe categorize what all you’d like to buy from the grocery store, or even just learn how to change a tire–you never know when that might save your day! (How can you expect me to do school work when I could be learning the skills which might one day save my life???) You’ll both be doing something AND avoiding the undesirable something else. Whoever said procrastination wasn’t useful?

3. Contemplate the meaning of life and the inevitability of your own demise.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Work is futile, death is inevitable. Streak naked in the streets, kiss your loved ones. Pray to your gods.

4. Don’t worry about it.

Historically, procrastination has been a brand of laziness and unworthiness, HOWEVER, in recent years there has been some research to come out saying that procrastination is actually very beneficial to the staller. It allows you to examine your priorities, become more creative, unconsciously process and streamline the task, and eventually act coherently and confidently in one fell swoop of efficiency. In all honesty, this one grade or assignment does not have the power to totally tank your grade, so take a deep breath and relax. Nothing is worth the sacrifice of your mental health. 

[Bonus pro tip: If people are accusing you of being “lazy” and “inefficient” or you’re just generally tired of forcing yourself to do half-baked assignments at the last minute, just remember that procrastinating is defined as the act of delaying or stalling; so it goes to argue that if you never actually complete that task of deliberation, you never procrastinated.]

Well, folks, at the cost of ever having this blog sponsored by the school (a girl can hope), there you have it–my favorite tips for procrastination. In all honesty, procrastination can be extremely serious and not at all worth it, but if you’re committed to doing it, please  ̶d̶r̶i̶n̶k̶  procrastinate responsibly.