In recent years, the term “self-care” has been popped up all over the Internet. It seems like as time passes, society advances, and life gets increasing complex, we become more stressed.
Originally championed by women of color, self-care had an entirely different connotation. In this New York Times article, it says that the term was originally defined by Audre Lorde as such: “‘Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare’”.
Healthcare professionals also find that a term which used to refer to “a prescription for patients to take ownership over their health and recovery […] like ‘following through on your commitments, pulling yourself off the couch and showering even if you don’t want to, or setting boundaries with family members’” has shifted dramatically through its propogation on social media.
As the younger generation, we should be proud that the world is moving forward and we are the ones doing the moving; more and more, mental health is no longer trivialized but treated with as much significance as our physical well-being. However, as much as self-care seems to feed into this movement, I think it’s important to recognize all the ways in which it distracts us from genuinely taking care of ourselves.
Some of the biggest proponents of self-care are online influencers. While this can open up the conversation about mental health, it frequently does little more than skim the surface. Influencers promote products to help us, the consumers, treat ourselves and relax. Whether it’s special teas, skincare products, essential oil diffusers, or bath bombs, it almost always seems like their version of self-care is contingent upon indulgence. As such, something that began with good intentions has quickly become commercialized.
The issue here is that there seems to be an agenda behind promoting self-care. Companies have quickly realized how much they stand to gain from campaigning under the pretense of “self-care”, while in reality, the message they are sending us is: you need our product to feel good and relaxed. I don’t think this is necessarily what individual influencers or companies are aiming for, but nonetheless, that seems to be the result. Online self-care or pamper routines feel performative, because often they are. It’s difficult to model the mundane, everyday tasks in our lives that count as self-care: going to the dentist, having a tough conversation with a loved one, taking care of household chores. It’s much more fun and glamorous to visit a spa, use a new meditation app, take galactic-colored bubble baths, and treat yourself to a nice meal. Somewhere along the line, our personal wellness became inseparable from commodities.
I’ll admit, that’s definitely my instinct when it comes to taking a “self-care day”. I’ll treat myself to a matcha latte, put on a face mask, and watch Netflix. The reality is that these products give us a false sense of peace, because they’re only temporary distractions. We feel bad if we can’t afford luxury products or keep up with trends. In a society where so many aspects of our lives are already commoditized, we subconsciously begin to feel worse and worse, because there are just too many things out there that are deemed “essential”.
That’s why making self-care “trendy” has become dangerous. I’m definitely not the first to realize this, and I hope I won’t be the last. While social media and advertising have served as a good medium to bring mental health to the forefront of public discussion, it can’t end there. The solution usually isn’t as simple as buying a bath bomb or coloring a picture. I’m not saying these tactics can’t be effective, but for many people, they must be used in tandem with something more substantial, something that allows you to actually process your thoughts and emotions. This could look different for everyone; some people do that through prayer or meditation, others through therapy, others with the help of medication.
These are some things that I have found to be personally helpful, and not just motions that mimic personal progress.
1. Taking a break from social media. You are absolutely capable of doing this! For me, once I realize I’m falling down the typical comparison rabbithole, I take a break. Let yourself breathe and be free of all the subconscious pressures and notions that social media impresses upon you.
2. Relying on other people. This seems counterintuitive to the “self” portion of self-care, but sometimes we need other people. We need people to console us, to guide us, to reason with us. Craving empathy is not always a bad thing, let someone else help you shoulder your burdens. We were built for community, and sometimes we need to let ourselves depend on others.
3. Letting myself think. I have a bad tendency to escape my thoughts and push them aside, usually with some inundating activity like watching TV. But actually running through it all, facing the issues, that’s always good. I’m a very verbal processor, so I like to talk it out with someone, or even just talk to myself.
It is a disservice to anyone battling stress and mental health to promote the concept that products alone can solve your plights, because they can’t. Ultimately, the name itself rings true–self-care. You have to be the one actively taking steps to better yourself, you need to put in the time to process your emotions and conquer your stress, you have to advocate for yourself. Only you know how to do that; no quantity of face masks can change that.
I thought that this was an incredibly articulate & thoughtful expose on some of the harmful mindsets which embody the self-care movement in our current age. I really appreciated your points on how purchasing products has replaced a genuine sense of peace with one’s identity, and your tips on where we can allow ourselves to find real rest. I’ve definitely found myself equalizing self-satisfaction with owning material products & gaining outside validation, and I also think it’s important for us to draw a line for the degree we allow our external environment to influence how we view ourselves. I also really appreciated your emphasis on how everyday activities should be a form of self care rather than just the glamorous money spending activities endorsed to us by consumerism. Looking forward to reading more of your blogs!:)
Thanks Stephanie!! I’m glad you found this interesting/helpful. External environment can only do so much for us, but marketing and advertising often makes us feel differently. I definitely think shifting the focus of self-care away from what media has dictated will be beneficial to us all.
Hi Helenna,
I don’t have much to say about the “capitalism” portion of this post–I think you hit the nail on the head. I think that “self-care” as a concept is also in the eye of the beholder: if someone thinks that they’ll benefit from a Netflix/matcha session, go ahead! Personally, I find myself playing FIFA, watching Youtube, and following sports.
The issue, as you touched on, is the fact that our own relaxation has been commercialized. In my opinion, this “one-size-fit-all” solution to an individual problem doesn’t offer much of value. Instead, take some alone time to figure out what exactly makes you tick, and make your me-time truly by you, of you, and for you.
I think this is a great post to read and reflect on. I really appreciate that you warn us against blurring the line between self-care and self-indulgence. I think I also have the bad habit of turning to self-indulgence as a replacement for self-care. I think self-indulgence has it’s time and place, but I agree that it’s dangerous to confuse the two. I could definitely do some more of your third option, just letting myself think, which I tend to put off sometimes in favor of distracting myself with Netflix or reading. I thought that your point about relying on others was very valid. I tend to try to tackle things myself when I get super stressed or worried and I sometimes get frustrated with other people when they try to help, but it would definitely be easier for me to let others help. I appreciate your advice and I hope I can take up some of your suggestions!
I’m so glad! We hate hearing it, but sometimes online shopping (aka retail therapy) cannot solve all woes – believe me, I’ve tried. Self-indulging is necessarily bad, unless we use in lieu of self-care. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I’m here!!
I really appreciated this blog post, and I think the topic of self-care is not paid attention enough. I understand where you’re coming from with the capitalism angle, but then again, that’s the world we live in and most things thrive because of capitalism. I feel that part of our responsibility to ourselves is to figure out what is good for us – and what’s not. This world of social media make it harder for us to distinguish, but that’s how life goes. Like you mentioned in your post, we lean on each other too. That’s just my two cents. Anyway, thanks for prompting this discussion! Hopefully we can all take care of each other this last semester #seniors.