Rating Mainstream Chocolate Bars
Disclaimer: I’m not the most qualified person to be writing this blog as I am not an avid chocolate lover nor eater, but, I’m assuming I’ve done more research than the average person, so, I am going to do it anyway. Furthermore, only chocolate BARS will be included on this list—no M&Ms, no whoppers, etc.
This year I missed out on fully celebrating all of the festivities that come along with Halloween partly due to the pandemic and partly because I didn’t really want to. As such, my ratings will be based off of past Halloweens, random chocolate tastings, and my personal opinions/biases.
KitKat. Although the wafers lack flavor, KitKats make up for it with their crispy quality that truly adds a lot to the eating experience. The chocolate is good, nothing incredible, but solid all around. However, the thin nature of the chocolate due to the thick layers of wafers brings in the validity of whether KitKats are even chocolate bars. Nonetheless, KitKats did very well on the packaging and design of the bar. 6.5/10
Crunch. This bar gives me a sense of nostalgia. I remember this was my favorite candy bar growing up. I don’t even think it was the actual bar that intrigued me the most, instead it was the bright blue packaging and the big bold red letters. However, now, as a more sophisticated and well educated person, I will try to ignore this bias; I am no longer blinded by the alluring, nymphatic packaging of the Crunch bar. Don’t be fooled, although Crunch bars seem very large, a king size Crunch bar has the same mass as a king size KitKat or really any other king size chocolate bar. Though, the bar itself is rather good. The two main ingredients, milk chocolate and crisped rice, allow for a simplistic yet satisfying eating experience. 7.5/10
Milky Way. Whoops, another nostalgic one for me. This has turned into less of a chocolate bar tasting review and more of a how I feel about certain chocolate bars. Sorry! As a car-loving kid I remember watching a milky way commercial from 1989 where a red car races a blue car and for some reason I thought that it was the coolest commercial ever. Ever since then, Milky Ways have been ingrained into my brain and honestly I have no choice to think they are good. However, objectively the bar isn’t amazing. The chocolate is decent, as well as the marshmallow filling, but the caramel can be a little distracting at times. But… according to my nostalgia index 8/10
Snickers. I really despise snickers. Usually I don’t mind nuts in my chocolate bars, but Snickers, Snickers are just different. When I eat a chocolate bar I expect a good mouth feel, it should go down easily, not 16 peanuts in a single chocolate bar!(Yes, that is the actual number). I know this will be a controversial one. I have come across many people who say this is their favorite chocolate bar or even candy and I honestly don’t know why. Not only is the chocolate bar itself not that interesting or stand out compared to Milky Ways, Three Musketeers or Baby Ruth, the texture is also a little much for me. 4/10
100 Grand. This is undoubtedly the ugliest chocolate bar on this list. Besides the obvious warty outside, the cylindrical shape of the candy is somewhat reminiscent of feces. Sorry. It’s true though. However, looks aside, this bar is actually really good. The rice krispies on the outside, which give the bar it’s warty nature, remind me of a jacked up crunch bar. Furthermore, The chocolate is very strong, and very rich. In the center of the bar there is a layer of caramel that adds much needed chewiness to the bar. Overall, this bar is my favorite tasting, but, minus one point for appearance. 9/10
This will conclude my very subjective review on chocolate bars. I predict that my views will likely be very different than a lot of other people’s simply because I base my ratings more on my personal memories rather than the actual chocolate itself. As such, this may be an unreliable and therefore useless information, but I hope that at the very least this arouses some sort of discussion(especially about Snickers, I really don’t understand the intrigue of Snickers)
I am one of the many individuals who LOVE snickers. They’re just so tasty and have the perfect amount of caramel, chocolate and nuts. But, after a few I would have to agree that the texture gets to be a little too much and too heavy. I’m actually allergic to chocolate but I still eat it anyway because I’m here for a good time not a long time. And 100 grand is also a top tier chocolate bar I would have to agree with that.
Ethan,
Good to see a fellow 100 grand fan. I only ever find myself eating these around Halloween (I’m not sure if they’re even sold the other 11 months of the year), but it is up there with my favorite candy bars. If you can get past the appearance, it combines all the best aspects of other candy bars into one. It has the caramel of a Snickers, the crunch of a Kit-Cat, the crispy rice of a Crunch Bar, and the milk chocolate of a classic Hershey’s. It can be a little difficult to chew, but it’s worth it for the flavor. It’s a shame that this chocolate bar is so underrated.
Hello Ethan,
Thank you for sharing your unique opinions on the most commonly doled out chocolate bars with us. Of the bars you listed in your blog, I must admit that Milky Way always has, and probably always will be, my favorite. I was beyond surprised when you included a reference to the 1989 commercial; my dad showed me the same commercial as a kid when I pronounced Milky Way as my candy of choice, and I had completely forgotten about it until now. There truly is a nostalgia factor in the Milky Way that is unmatched by the rest of the candy you discussed. As for Snickers, I wouldn’t take the public opinion too strongly, they are certainly the most overrated candy in my mind as well.
Hi Ethan, I would also say that I am not the biggest fan of chocolate bars but have definitely had my fair share over the years. Of the chocolate bars that you rated, my personal favorite has always been the KitKat. There is no better feeling than breaking the KitKat bar in half and hearing the crisp of the first bite. I also agree that the packaging and overall look of the bar plays a huge role when rating each one.
Wow, I really agreed with lots that you said. I too am personally a huge fan of crunch bars, the texture and crunch with the chocolate is an amazing combination to me that many people don’t really like as much. I’d also agree with your assessment of snickers, nuts within candy really mess with the taste and texture and despite its popularity and hype, snickers are not a good candy, the only candy I enjoy with nuts are almond joys.
Hey Ethan,
I actually agreed with the majority of your rankings. I too am a huge fan of Milky Ways and Kit Kats, and you gave them both relatively good scores. I’ve personally never had a 100 Grand, but I will be sure to check it out in the future and try one soon. However, I was a little disappointed to see that you didn’t include Hershey’s in your rankings. They are one of the most iconic chocolate bars out there, and personally my absolute favorite. What score would you give Hershey’s? They would have to be at least an 8, in my opinion. Other than that, I really had no fault with your rankings. Even though you stated that you are not a chocolate expert in your disclaimer, I feel that these ranking should qualify you for that title! Great read!
Hello Ethan,
I enjoyed reading about your rankings and I had to recommended you try Dairy Milk Silk Bubbly. It can be generally available at Indian grocery stores and it is literally the one of the best chocllets bars as it practically melts in your mouth. The only reason it in not widely known in the US is because of the FDA approvals but I highly recommend you try it.
Thanks, I’ll give it a try if I ever see that sounds good.