When I was around five years old, I was incredibly jealous of my grandpa. Why?
Everyday, when I got back from school he was lounging back in his massage chair watching Chinese World War 2 dramas, not a worry in the world. I just couldn’t wait to be old and wrinkly so I could do the same.
At the same time, my grandpa had a similar desire. When I was in kindergarten, he would walk me to the local community center where I was signed up for gymnastics, my first and only year of it. I absolutely hated the class, so everyday on the walk back, my grandpa would hear me whine about why I never wanted to go back. Eventually, one day he snapped, “Eric, you should enjoy gymnastics. I wish I could do it too, but my bones are too old.”
It seems that everyone wishes to be older when they are young and younger when they are old. Our identity seems to be tied with our age, as age generally correlates to the number and types of experiences we have enjoyed and endured.
A perspective on age from the Jazz Age
F. Scott Fitzgerald plays with this relationship between age and identity in his short story “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (pdf version) published in Collier’s Magazine in 1922.
Read more about the life of F. Scott Fitzgerald here.
The story starts in 1860 Baltimore when the main protagonist, Benjamin Button (who would’ve guessed?), is born as an 80-year old man. He’s the full package: balding, bearded, wrinkly, cigar-smoking, and already knows how to talk. Continuing, the story follows the life of Benjamin as he mysteriously becomes younger for the rest of his life.
Interestingly, his father, Roger, and the rest of the Button family do more to cover-up the peculiar birth of Benjamin instead of attempting to figure out his condition. Roger, obsessed with the family image, makes Benjamin play with other small children, dyes his hair, and makes him dress in children’s clothes (try to picture it but, for your own benefit, not with too much detail).
This theme is echoed in all of Benjamin’s relationships. His beautiful wife marries him because she is into older men even though he’s actually the same age as all the other men trying to woo her. However, his reverse-aging frustrates her, as she believes that Benjamin is being selfish and should be able to stop his anti-growth on demand. Worst of all, Benjamin’s own son, Roscoe, is ungrateful enough to make his own dad call him “uncle” because he doesn’t want a prepubescent kid calling him “son” in front of others (it’s quite understandable if you want to punch Roscoe in the face).
Video summary of the short story:
For his whole life, Benjamin struggles through a society that loves him in his prime, but refuses to accept him when he is old/young and young/old. Even his own family doesn’t bother to help him find a solution to his problem, for they care far more about their own image. Curiously, the Button family’s treatment of Benjamin at the end of his life can even be seen in American society today.
Cultural views on aging
Picture your generic senior citizen. You’re probably imagining a face with wrinkles, graying hair, and maybe a cane or a walker. Americans generally view the elderly as weak and frail. As a result, many people are convinced that the elderly are reliant on caretakers. It’s common for children to send their parents into senior living institutions, something I’m convinced Roscoe would do if the Buttons were living in modern America and weren’t so rich.
According to Pew Research, in 2050, one in five Americans will be age 65 or older. With the percentage of elders in society to rise, we must rethink how we see old people. The American Society of Aging hopes to correct three major misconceptions surrounding aging: (1) aging doesn’t have to mean a decline in capabilities, (2) seniors should not be viewed as “others” and (3) the elderly should not be held completely accountable for their own circumstances.
Unsurprisingly, the American outlook on the elderly is not consistent with the rest of the world’s. For example, from my experience, the Chinese view aging differently than Americans. Grounded in Confucian principles, the Chinese venerate their elderly. Most Chinese people could never imagine sticking their folks in a strange institution. Instead, elderly Chinese people typically live with their children, helping with cooking, cleaning, and, most importantly, childcare.
Take my own paternal grandparents for example. When I was born, they left their village in China to help my parents raise me and my sister in American suburbia. They have since returned to their farm, but even now they play an active role in taking care of my numerous cousins. Their village has a vivacious elderly community that come together to dance, gossip, and play mahjong. When I visited China a few years back, I was surprised that my grandpa was still “hanging out with the boys” on a regular basis. Furthermore, his whole village is full of elderly people who live like they’re still young. There’s an 85 year old man that can still climb trees to pick fruit! When I’m that old, I doubt I’ll even be able to climb stairs.
However, one thing remains constant between the cultures: people are scared to age. There’s even a word for it: gerascophobia. In both America and China, anti-wrinkling creams and cosmetic surgeries are widely advertised and demanded. While Americans take supplements in attempts to stay young, the Chinese take traditional Chinese medicines with the same end goal.
As an American living with a Chinese family, I’ve gotten to experience a little bit of both philosophies. I still don’t know which I prefer, but I sure hope I don’t end up like Benjamin Button — shunned and forgotten.
Anyways, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is definitely a rewarding read. If you have any doubts, just remember that if Hollywood made a movie adaptation and got Brad Pitt to star as Benjamin Button, the short story itself can’t be half-bad.
Official Trailer for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)
Sources:
https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2014/01/30/attitudes-about-aging-a-global-perspective/
Eric, I really loved this post! I think you definitely sold the story; I’m going to go read it as soon as I finish commenting, but I also loved your application of the story to your own life. Like you, I also couldn’t wait to grow up as I child. I watched a lot of movies and TV shows romanticizing the teenage/high school years, and absolutely couldn’t wait to be that age myself. It’s only now, as I high schooler that I realize how much I miss being a little kid– no homework, tests, and college stress!
Yes! Watching “Suite Life on Deck” and seeing Zack and Cody have so much fun in high school on a boat really glorified growing up. Now, we’re in high school and its nothing like the show. However, actually growing up has taught me to appreciate things that I never would have expected as an elementary schooler like the joys of taking naps and spending quality time with my family.
Hi Eric, interesting post.
The aging process seems to be one process in everyone’s lives that can never be reversed. While some take this inevitability to be a dragging process, waiting to be something in their future, it’s clear that some try to combat or slow down the flow of time as much as possible in their own lives.
Being also of Asian-American descent, I can definitely relate to the Confucianism, familial piety that still is rooted (albeit, quite loosely) in my family. It’s amazing to me when we visit China where our grandparents live, as the whole dynamic of the household appears to shift depending on who’s parents are at home. Kind of like Benjamin Button, I notice that my parents, in front of my grandparents, act similarly to my child self – obedient and respectful.
On a more philosophical level, I wanted to pose a question to you regarding the contents of your experiences as well as the story itself: Why do you believe that every age seems to be discontent with their current lives, preferring rather the youth or maturity of their different-aged counterparts?
Interesting question Jason! I would say it just comes down to humans naturally wanting what they can’t have. 20 year olds want to turn 21 so they can do something they couldn’t before — legally drink. Similarly, we don’t appreciate what we have until we lose it.
Yes! It’s great that you pointed out how most people aren’t content with their age. Being younger/older is always better. I remember sounding extremely foolish when I said I wanted to be older to my aunt, who lives in China and uses various cosmetic creams to look younger. And, I totally relate to your experience with a dream environment for the elderly in China. My grandfather goes out on walks everyday to talk with his coworkers who’ve known each other since before I was born. That contrast is vast in the US. Just in my neighborhood, we had two massive senior homes constructed where our society puts old people to be forgotten. I, unfortunately, also have a bias against the elderly; I get extremely depressed whenever I visit my grandma who lives in a senior home. Each person I look at seems to be a hollow shell of who they used to be and are walking around listlessly waiting for their time. I hope that as I get older myself, I’ll be able to find the bright side of reflecting on one’s life.
Agreed. I think it’s hard for us teens to completely understand what it means to age, but we will definitely learn when our lives become more challenging.
I read this short story as well! I thought you had a really interesting take, especially when discussing old age from both a Western and Eastern perspective. Watching my grandparents age has been really made me think. Like you, they’ve stayed with our family at our house for pretty much all of my life, rotating based on visa windows. My paternal grandparents even moved permanently to Bolingbrook, where they live at a senior living apartment complex. It seems like they would have a lot more autonomy back in China, where they feel at home, they’re close by many of their friends, they have access to cabs and public transportation because they can speak Chinese, and they can peacefully live out the rest of their lives. It places a pretty big burden on me, because I wonder if for all four of my grandparents, they are only here in America because they feel obligated to help raise me and my sister. I don’t think they fear aging so much as they fear ceasing to be “useful”. That is what saddens me most, that it seems their lives revolve around being useful and fulfilling their duty to us, but I also understand that this mentality is typical of Chinese culture, and it’s not really my place to change them or fight them about it. Anyways, I think your insights were really thought provoking, and they’ve definitely pushed me to re-evaluate my relationship with my grandparents and their relationship with aging!
I understand what you mean by “I don’t think they fear aging so much as they fear ceasing to be ‘useful’.” Whenever we visit my grandparents, they always go out of their way to go above and beyond with how they treat us. They cook huge dinners, offer to wash our clothes, and want to take us out and do as many fun things as possible, even if it means pushing their physical limitations as they age. Of course I’m grateful for the effort they put in to show their love, but I also want them to understand that I don’t need gifts and favors to know that they still love me.
You made a great parallel between the story and your own grandparents, it helped me understand the story exponentially. You’re take was extremely interesting and enterntaining to read. I know I often look at my grandparents and older people out in society as cute and frail because that’s what our society has told us they are. But I often also fall into a spiral thinking about how when I’m older, will I perceived as that? I don’t feel like I’d ever be seen as frail or weak because that’s not how I present myself through my personality, but there doesn’t seem to be an in between for mean old people or nice and cute old people. It’s a super interesting topic, I hope when I’m old, I’m able to accept what I look like and how others perceive me while still being myself. It sounds like a super interesting story, what do you think you’d do if you were in Benjamin Button’s position?
Thanks for the comment and question! It’s a question that I thought about a lot while reading the story and one that I don’t have a confident answer to. On one hand, if I was Button, I would do everything in my power to make the most out of my unique condition. At the same time, I would also have to accept my limitations and the inevitable progression of time in order to find a way to work with my condition instead of against it.
Can I just say how much I love the voice in this! All the little side comments about your thoughts on the characters really made me want to read it. I am planning on opening it up right after I comment. I also love how you touch on the idea of how different cultures view aging. In America’s society, it feels like age equals ugliness, but at the same time, it’s interesting how TV shows also like to put older people into younger roles, like adults playing teenagers. Great voice, can’t wait to read the story!