I’m sorry loyal readers, but this week there will be no blog. The author is all out of ideas and frankly, doesn’t really feel like writing right now. He has told me to pass four pieces information along to you. One, he loves his loyal audience and hopes that they know he is only doing what is best for them, a bad blog is much much worse than no blog. Two, David’s Daily Dose of Dog Poop will continue as normal after this week. Three, yes he has heard your outcries and will consider hiring a writer to make his blog daily as advertised, but that may take a couple of weeks and he will get back to you quicker than you can learn and comprehend the intricacies of the German language. Four, intros are really hard for him and he really doesn’t have a good last sentence planned to finish it off, so he would hope that you accept this one.

Anyway I should probably go into further detail as to why there is no blog. It isn’t simply that writing can be boring without the proper inspiration, but also that everything in the world seems so much more interesting while trying to write. I heard from the author that while he started to write the blogs in the back of a car he became fixated on just how interesting leaf blowers were. Rather than letting leaf blowers be background noise and continue to write, he started to wonder just why would somebody invent something that doesn’t really solve a problem, but instead just pushes it away onto somebody else. “Why don’t leaf blowers just suck and collect leaves, like a vacuum?” and “ Are leaf blowers intended to give people the opportunity to get their neighbors mad at them?”  are all questions that I heard him pondering before he made a rather large decision to travel to Alabama (where he assumed the leaf blowers came from) to answer these questions. Unfortunately, these questions were to pressing to look up the origin of leaf blowers or to heed my warnings that Alabama may not have been the right place to go.

When he boarded the plane, he was ready to write (I’m almost sure). However on the other end of the flight, I had received a text explaining that he no longer had time for leaf blowers or writing, there was something much more interesting, and thus much more pressing in the world. This was the point, dear readers, when I knew that there was no more hope of a blog this week. As his readers, I do believe that you have the right to know what this amazingly pressing matter. I will inquire about this and get back to you when I can

UPDATE: It has been four days, and he has made it back to Illinois. He lost his phone and notebook but he was happy to have returned to his home. I asked him what he had been up to and I finally found out about the rest of the adventure. On the flight he read from an in-flight magazine that a leopard could carry twice its weight while climbing up a tree. He believed that there was no way that this could be true, and made it his sworn goal to test this theory.

Picture from the magazine

After being kicked out of 2 zoos, he had tested up two one-and-a-half times its weight but not yet two. (I still don’t fully understand how he pulled this off, but he preferred not to specify the actions he had to take to get his trials). He could no longer find any zoos within the area to help him fact check the magazine, so he began to wonder how he would be able to get home. His strategy: Caricature drawings. (apparently he was either out of money, or had lost his wallet, a fact that he failed to mention). This was widely unsuccessful but apparently, a very enriching experience. On one particularly bad drawing, a man offered to pay for our dear author to get as far away from him as possible, and thus, our dear author earned his flight back to Illinois.

The near $200 caricature in question.