Hi, my name’s Eshani and I’m a 3 wing 2 Enneagram, ESFJ Slytherin. Now I don’t (normally) go around introducing myself like this to other people, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with boiling my essence down to a single, all-encompassing label. Rather than an unchangeable designation like my birth year (Monkey) or Zodiac sign (Taurus), I much prefer the terms bestowed by the various (and undoubtedly credible) quizzes of the World Wide Web. I don’t know where this fixation with personality tests came from (probably the American Girl Doll subscriptions circa first grade), but since its emergence, has been an ever present fixture in my life. 

I’d be hard-pressed to admit it nowadays, but Buzzfeed is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. It is quite literally the Mecca for personality test lovers, a treasure trove of every kind of categorical questionnaire you could think of. Like, just last week, I took one to find out which My Little Pony cinematic universe character I was most similar to. Spoiler, I AM (98%) Twilight Sparkle. Rounded up, that’s 100%! I’m also Rory Gilmore (seasons 1-2 pre-Jess, since that’s the start of her devolution and I would never), Caroline Forbes (comfort character asf), Margarita Pizza (take a stab at why), Bang Energy (a generous estimate, but I’ll take it), and Thanksgiving. No qualms with that last one. 

Sure, every single person is a distinct entity and shouldn’t be crudely placed underneath an umbrella since they are so talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, and completely not ever been done before. But it’s fun and I get bored easily so I do. Plus, I, like many teenagers, have this deep, overwhelming desire to fit in and belong to a group via a shared identity; even if it means squeezing my entire personality into an impossibly tiny box only to be left dissatisfied with the imperfect result. Just a few of the reasons why I love personality tests so so much <3!

Every year, we inevitably end up taking one for some class or another and it almost always ends up being my highlight of the week. It’s usually Myer-Briggs (case in point this class), which has gotten a bit redundant over time, but has also given an opportunity to refine my knowledge of the different labels. I’ve unintentionally memorized the types of my closest friends and family (caring or creepy, you decide) and at this point, I’m probably a walking talking algorithm that could sort you into one of the sixteen myself. In fact, I’d argue that I could classify you better than a measly website can. That girl over there, the one who is in 5 APs, on the cheer team, and holds down a research internship but deals with friendship issues because of her involvement as (their) school president, yeah she’s a Protagonist. An ENFJ-T to be exact. T for Turbulent because she still hasn’t quite found the balance between leveraging her authority as a leader and prioritizing her personal relationships. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to call anyone out on anything, this is just a hypothetical. Take it with a grain of salt. But I mean it when I can say I can categorize literally any person. Don’t believe me? Comment for a classification and find out! Offer only valid after November 1st.