I stand there. Silent. Not knowing what to say or how to respond. I feel a tight knot in my chest; an inevitable feeling of despair surfacing inside of me. Paper in hand, my thoughts race a mile a minute. What did I do wrong? Why does this always happen to me? Am I not good enough? I stare in agony at the object that consumed my thoughts. I’ve always been told that I was smart, but am I? Did this confirm everything that I’ve been feeling throughout my life? I look at the paper one more time; tears start to form as I look at the D written across the top of the page. I fall apart inside and feel my body slowly fall into the dark abyss…
What you just read was an excerpt of mine that I wrote in AP Lang last year. To me, this was one of the best pieces I’ve ever written. It was very therapeutic. Junior year was extremely stressful, so putting my thoughts on paper really helped me become more in-tune with my emotions. It was like journaling or meditating, I found comfort in telling my story. Looking at my paper now, all of the feelings that I had started rushing back. The feeling of feeling interior. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always felt the need to compare myself to other people. It’s an underlining habit that I just can’t seem to crack. It’s ever so consuming and can really shatter someone’s self-esteem if they’re not careful. However, I recently started to realize that a lot of other people go through the same thing I do, they’re just better at hiding it.
So here are some tips for when you feel down and can’t help but compare yourself to others. P.S: You are all beautiful and deserve everything. I know this school differentiates the top elite students from the quote on quote “average” kids, but none of you are average. None of you are less than. Please know that.
- Give yourself positive affirmations every day
I know, I know, it may sound extremely silly, but this actually helps a lot. When I wake up in the morning and go to the bathroom to get ready for school, I stare in the mirror and say
“You’re beautiful”
“You can do anything you want to do in life”
“Today is a good day. You’re going to be happy”
Keeping this positive mindset throughout the day will have you searching for things that make you happy so you can stay happy. However, If you think talking to yourself is weird, try going online and listening to meditation videos (it’s basically the same thing). Hearing someone (or yourself) say that you’re beautiful and important will cause you to believe it over time. Remember, you have to be your biggest cheerleader.
2. Surround yourself with people who uplift you
It’s so easy to get into a negative mindset, especially when you’re around those who are negative themselves. It hinders your growth being around people who don’t appreciate you, who don’t support you, and who don’t respect you. Be around people who love you and show you how much you mean to them. Surrounding yourself with positive energy is the first step towards healing the demon’s inside.
3. Turn failure into lessons
This is something that I struggle with. I always have this mindset of “Why me?” or “I did everything right, what happened? I deserve to get what I want and I got the complete opposite, why is that?” What I fail to realize though, is that pain doesn’t discriminate. Neither does failure. You could have a plan laid out for yourself, you could have goals and dreams and aspirations, but sometimes they don’t come true. It has nothing to do with you in particular, it’s simply not the path that you were destined to take. It’s a hard pill to swallow, coming to terms with failure. Once you come to terms with it though, don’t give up, know that things can only get better for you. It’ll just take time, all good things take time.
Thanks for reading:)