Ya know something laddies? I was having a lil talk with me fellow crusader about a show that I had immense distaste fo’, and ya know when I was giving an idea of a sho’ dat be far mo’ entertaining than that darn boring dumpsta of a sho’ we was watchin’, ya know what my fello’ man said? He said dat would be boring! Now to ya, this might seem like mindless banter, and that is prolly what it is, but this got me to think about media: the shows, movies, games, and books I have experienced throughout my short lifetime and got me thinking: What makes good media? I s’pose many of ya have retrospected upon this short thought, but this has been swirling to my mind till I came to a conclusion: It’s the humanity within these stories that draws us in. But to explore this detail, let’s return to the garbage sho’ in question that I discussed with me fello’, a sho’ by the name of “Komi can’t communicate”. 

This darn sho’ is absolutely pathetic! But lemme give ya lil bit of context. The sho’ “Komi can’t communicate” is about a highschooler named Komi, and if ya couldn’t infer at this point, this girl can’t communicate! The plot itself seems very mundane, but it’s the execution of the plot that absolutely drives me up a wall, but I don’t think ya wee lads understand how shoddy it is; watching paint dry is far more entertaining than this smuck.

  To start off, for a comedy show, it didn’t make me laugh. All the humor is reactionary humor and for short form content, it’s serviceable and punchy if pulled off well, but for 20 minutes of exaggerated reactions the characters become drawn out, and worst of all, it’s nonsensical within the context! For example, there’s this scene where a classmate is being harassed by a bully then Komi somehow gets the attention of the bully as she fails to communicate in an attempt to help, but guess what? Somehow an emotionless stare scares off the big bully because he jumps to the assumptions that a school girl is about to assassinate him. Ya lads might be thinking to yourselves, this context sounds preposterous, but is it at least executed well? That’s the thing, the context and the twist being so stupid I had no expectations and that’s the problem, when there are no rules, anything ridiculous becomes ordinary within the bounds of that universe. It’s not funny because the plot of the show implies that she has a conflict, yet the universe rewards her for not overcoming it and a show without conflict is boring. Her “anxiety” doesn’t bar her from popularity. Her “anxiety” doesn’t prevent her from achieving ordinary tasks such as shopping and the most she gets is the wrong drink for free because the barista somehow assumed that this ordinary highschool girl was an influencer. Ya see the problem with this brainless storytelling? It’s incredibly boring. She has no consequences for her inhibitions such as lack of friends, in which she already made two in two days, getting humiliated for her inability to speak, or not being shut in. Simply put, this sho’ is a goddamn liar and that is the crime. We’re not watching a comedy about a person struggling through life, we’re watching a darn goddess have an easy life, where nobody reacts to her flaws.

I’m not saying that it’s boring to watch gods do things, but what is boring is when their god-like status is without consequence or logic. Let’s take a look at a different comedy sho’; a far better one by the name of One Punch Man. It’s a story ‘bout a man so strong that any physical conflict has become dull. On its own, it doesn’t appear to be a very interesting show, but it’s about the main character, Saitama, and how he affects the world around him. In the show, he’s struggling to make a living because he isn’t a certified hero in the beginning despite doing it for years, yet his morals keep him from raising a fit. But, being a god doesn’t stop him from being human as he lives like a normal guy even having difficulty with the most ordinary of things like killing mosquitoes or catching sales, and it’s his reactions to the world around him that make him interesting. The characters have self agency when compared to the characters of Komi that constantly get on both knees for her. The characters of One Punch Man have their own goals and own reactions to his strength and it also causes a lot of interpersonal conflicts that he can’t resolve with his strength. From his handling of the conflicts is where the comedy comes from, but most importantly, it maintains a coherent and interesting story. Where One Punch Man succeeds where Komi fails is ultimately keeping the characters at heart human. It’s the humanity of these stories that draws us in, not the caricatures. That’s why the best stories usually involve people overcoming conflict because people aren’t perfect, life doesn’t come easy.

Komi simply lacks the conflict, the logic, or the discipline to be a show entertaining for those who are constantly thinking. For me, when I watch shows, it’s really hard for me to turn off my brain as my fellow crusader suggests as turning off my brain will result in a coma. Even if I could, does that mean I am even paying mind to the show? I don’t think the show is neither heartwarming or funny. It’s a show that will be forgotten for its lack of story that the writer lacked discipline to make great. When we look at shows such as “Seinfeld”, “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Las Vegas”, “Dexter”, “Breaking Bad”, etcetera, there’s always conflict, cause and effect, and motivations that make logical sense within their respective contexts, and without them they wouldn’t have as high ratings or be remembered by the general populous because they ultimately represent humanity whether it be in the best or worst light. My idea of fixing this show would be putting Komi in a really bad place, and from there she would have to build herself up and actually  do things on her own instead of being a cardboard cutout on a trolley being pushed along. My fellow crusader said it would be boring because it would be “too” realistic, but I beg to differ. I believe that the characters that feel the realest are the best. Tony Stark may not be real, but his reactions and mannerisms make him seem real, making for great movies. Captain America’s morality may seem unachievable, but it’s his firmness in his beliefs even with the limitations upon him that make him entertaining. Fiction slaps when it hits too close to home and manages to make us believe in their actions.

As a crusader, I find film and media to be very important as it can influence our very lives. Just think about the bible and how much it affects the very course of history. Though this was a very angry and probably dumb rant about a stupid show, it makes me angry because of it’s populartiy among weak minded individuals that encourage fecal matter such as this because it only encourages more of the same to be made. Remember wee lads, your dollars speak louder than words, so laddies, do you want to throw your money in the trash or use it to raise gems? Just know, your investments will follow you back.

 

Today I, the crusader, would like to try something a bit different. I would like to expand your imaginations, test the limits of description by setting up otherworldly scenarios using the English vocabulary to stimulate the senses so lets start off with a few scenarios.

 

Scenario 1:

 There’s a man in a gym. He was pumping that iron like mad. Non stop curling, not even resting. Lifting the dumbbell, his muscle fibers contracting, veins bulging like mad, heart pulsating to desperately, rushing the blood to deliver the oxygen. Biceps peaking every time he motions the weight to the top, almost like a soda can about to burst. His face reddens through the distress and lowers the weight back down until his arm is hanging. 

He brings it up. He cautiously relaxes when lowering it. His body begs him to stop through shocks and twinges of pain every time, yet he continues, exhausting his breath every time. He frowns in an enraged yet sharp focus, but little does he know he is finally on his last curl. As he reaches the top the twinges of pain transform into undying inferno as his strained muscle fibers give up. 

Snap snap snap.

The pain blazes through his arm, his hand drops dead as his once mighty grip softens. The dumbbell is surrendered to gravity and slams to the ground. His face still crimson, he opens his mouth to release a bellow that would sway a prairie. The only thing left for him to accomplish is a mundane recovery as he waits to receive help.

 

Scenario 2:

There’s a human floating in nothingness. The human continues to drift away oblivious to its own existence. Simply mindless.

…

…

…

Klak klak klak klak klak!

Suddenly, the skin on the human loses its color and is cracked. Slowly, starting from the digits, the skin flakes off as to only unveil a black skeleton entangled with veins that hid underneath the shell. The veins lead to a still beating heart. The heart pulses rhythmically as the veins that protrude from the heart expand the deflate. 

Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

Moving further down the skeleton are bare lungs. The lungs arise as if marching to battle yet set as in retreat.

Woosh!

The skull is somehow emitting a breeze of air in this environment of nothingness. Though the skull is plain upon first glance, upon closer inspection, something is mysterious about the empty sockets. A pair of small white singularities pop into existence of the eye sockets. The white singularities start to expand into a formless goop that starts to fill the void until they become white spherical balls. The balls grow a circle full of color and a circle of black right in the center. The pupils point down to it’s skeleton toes. Bark starts to form around the black digits that soon envelopes the whole mass. Now a humanoid bark creature, it grows leaves above the torso to become a tree in the nothingness…

 

Though these scenarios may not have purpose or retrospection, I hope, in the very least, they were entertaining. These abstract scenarios will get a strange reaction regardless of whether they were good or bad. That’s enough rambling from me today. No need to pay attention to this ancient crusader. Now go spend your youth somewhere else before your bones get old too! Hasta la vista!

Hello wee lads! Being the crusader that I am, I’ll probably perish trying to take the As under my name, but before such an event were to transpire, I like to advise those going to the future and beyond to the most vital part to living is learning to fight. Learning to fight the battles that are difficult. The willingness to face up to a challenge. You may not always have help nearby, that’s why one must learn to fight for themselves. Learning to trade blows as the worst thing to happen in 

Though physical confrontation is intimidating to encounter, standing up to fight is how you avoid calamity. Though fighting is generally looked down upon with the exclusion of sport, it is very valuable that people learn to fight. In my days as a wee lad I used to fear confrontation, but when you take a karate class, it is inevitable that you will have to step onto the mat to spar. Though sparring may not be as contact heavy as an actual fight, I learned that even with the minimal amount of protection I had equipped a hit is a hit regardless of where it hits. But what I hated even more was even through all that, I was losing. I wasn’t improving. I was freezing up and flinching. Even when I landed a hit, it was either blocked or missed. It’s difficult to get a physically inactive child to learn when they don’t even have the maturity to stand their ground, take initiative and engage, or think ahead and plan the next move, but through it all regardless of what I thought, I started to improve after being stagnant for so long. After all the kicks to the balls, getting the wind knocked out of me, punches to the throat and head, jamming my thumb, I started to careless about getting hurt. Getting pained doesn’t matter if you can still move. Getting pained is inconsequential if you’re not broken. Just suck it up and move.

Moving past my initial reservations, I started to focus on getting the win. That required reaction, mobility, planning. But that required motivation and fortitude much like the tests ya younglings stress over. But unlike the tests, it was thrilling, interesting, unpredictable, and ever evolving. I would be made to spar with anyone regardless of age and experience and adapting is what makes it fun. Whether fighting be fantasized or feared, fighting has consequences with those results being immediate and what it ultimately comes down to is whether ya lads can outperform the opponent. 

Well laddies, it’s time I leave so I can perish getting those As. Ciao!

The Fairy Chronicles

 

Hey, hey, hey! Allen is the name. Let’s take a break from the crusade, cuz gather round kiddos, I’ve got a story for you. A story that combines properties in such a way that’ll make you think I’m insane. Where did I obtain such a story to tell?

…

My brain.

Welp, let’s see if I can be a storyteller. It’s quite the challenge I tell you, but let’s dive right in because this story ain’t starting till I tell you. 

Back in the good ‘ol days there was a prince named Romeo in his tower with long luscious hair, hair so long that if he ever swished his neck it would definitely snap his neck from the recoil, but his refusal to see a barber ever stayed so firm. His hair was also long for another reason… love…

Oh, what is that furry beast that approaches the tower with such a disfigured walk pattern? Oh, it’s a wolf. Wolf that blows vortexes from his mouth. What could he possibly want with Romeo?

“Lil Romeo, lil Romeo, let down yo hair fool!” snarled the wolf.

“Not by the head of my dandruff filled hair!” cried Romeo taken aback by the forward advances of the wolf.

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and plow that damn tower down!”

So he huffed and he puffed and excreted his signature move from his lips: Stinky vortex. His special technique he had practiced after his blight against fatty pig in a certain. Brought the tower crumbling down and destroyed Romeo’s sense of smell with a stink so foul it nearly rotted his brain. From the debris, Romeo arose, dazed and in pain, but worst of all his hair had been tarnished! Everything from the shoulders down had decayed away. All that was left was billowing smoke. Romeo looked up to only see the hulking wolf standing on his rear legs flashing his white teeth.

“You know what happens when you don’t pay your dues.”

“I’m sorry! I- I’ll get the product to you next time!”

“Friend, your word is simply not enough anymore. I can’t risk another mistake.” He flexed his paw forcing the nails out.  “I’ll end our relationship now.” He raised his paw. “Pick a god and pray!”

Boom!

A big hulking mass wearing quite the frilly dress had gotten in between the wolf and Romeo. It was Juliet!

“Romeo, my love!” She boasted. “Aw darn! How could harm have befallen you!” She slowly turned red, veins bulging, eyes poppin’, ears steamin’. “You’re not living another day!”

She shot a right hook to the face of the wolf. The wolf ducked right under, but little did he know that she was expecting that because, as soon as he dodged, she shot an open hand to his throat, lifted him up like a rag doll and tore him into two.

Though thankful that Juliet had come to the rescue, He slowly widened his eyes realizing the Pandora’s box she had just opened…

 

Later that same day, there was Gnome and a boy standing over a grave with shattered rock splayed everywhere. The boy was tall and with an oppressive aura that nearly suffocated the poor gnome.

The gnome creaked, “Who might you be lad?”

The boy replied “The boy that cries for wolves” and clenched his fists. “I’m going to get my product no matter how long it takes and put their heads on a pike!” He grew even bigger than he was before. It would take a miracle for Romeo and Juliet to survive the disaster coming their way, but that’s a tale for another day…

 

Well that’s all the time I have. Like and subscribe and share this story if you would like to see more. I’m your host Allen and I’m signing off.

Back in my day when I was a wee lad,  taking advantage of my brain and my eyes wasn’t a priority for me.  When playing a video game, I skipped over the text, never considering the story and only vying for the action even if it hindered progress. When looking for snacks, I wasn’t interested in learning the cereal names, just recognizing the patterns and shapes. But as wee lad in the twenty first  century it was inevitable that I would happen upon something different. A book series that would invoke the inner workings of imagination that was introduced by a father that wanted to induce the same experience of reading that he himself experienced.

Now I did have reading experience. I, of course like most young children, read the children’s books, but these books didn’t invoke a motivation to comprehend, to learn, to grind the gears of imagination. The books were simple with illustrations, meant to compete with the distractions of television and video games. I did enjoy children’s books, but they didn’t challenge. Heck, I read manga before I read a real book due to the completely unique illustrations that unfold a complicated story through visuals, but that changed when my dad took a book off the home library. A book so thick that I couldn’t understand the appeal of. A book I judged the cover of. A book called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone.

My dad came into my room to read me a book as usual. but the only thing that struck me as odd was he wasn’t approaching a shelf to  bring to me the usual children’s book. Instead he already had in hand a book with the nerd on a broom for a cover. I squirmed at the thought of reading a book lacking images, but I didn’t complain as I wasn’t the one reading and as I was already in bed, too comfortable to move. I maybe could have resisted experiencing the book, instead I  let my dad read me Harry Potter, giving it a chance, putting faith that the Harry Potter books I’ve heard praise about in my school were good. Putting faith that my dad was doing something good. That night I listened patiently as my dad read to me. Though the complexity of the words were not much more difficult than the illustrated books I read before, the same words were used in such a way that my mind couldn’t resist painting the image of the wizard world. I couldn’t stop caring about Harry Potter and his experiences which masterfully took advantage of human emotion and their ability to attach themselves to the unreal. It was like watching a movie in one’s head just like ones the teacher always emphasized. As my dad progressed continually reading each word, I wanted more and more of the story. When my dad finished reading the chapters for that night I couldn’t believe myself then: I wanted more of Harry Potter. I was drowned by the sweet nectar of words. Words I found inferior to the medium of visual entertainment. It was unprecedented.

Though my experience may not be unique for a kid of this era, if it weren’t for this starting point I don’t believe I would have the discipline to read like many children. From then on I looked for more challenging books. More stories. Longer books. Though my hankering for reading has fallen off over the years, that experience has lingered in my mind for so long because had my dad never attempted to get me to read Harry Potter, I don’t think I would be in this class. I don’t believe I would care to look for books. I don’t believe I would be as well read as I am today. For I thank my dad for caring about my literacy and J.K. Rowling for creating such a fantastical world that has changed my views on literature. It’s why I strive to emulate the writing style of J.K. because it’s the reason why it entices so many to read.

Sup’ bros!? My name is De La Serna. Allen De La Serna and welcome to the domain of crusades. Though you may not be with me to experience life with me, you will get to observe me as the specimen I am. Though this journey may repeat the failure of my predecessors, it is an epic nonetheless.

If you wish to learn to be the best crusader, it is vital to have an unyielding will! Never surrender! Though your will may be weak, this list of songs can turn that around:

–Push it to the limit by Paul Engemann

–You’re The Best by Joe Esposito

–Stayin’ Alive by Bee Gees

–Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

–Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins