The Fairy Chronicles

 

Hey, hey, hey! Allen is the name. Let’s take a break from the crusade, cuz gather round kiddos, I’ve got a story for you. A story that combines properties in such a way that’ll make you think I’m insane. Where did I obtain such a story to tell?

…

My brain.

Welp, let’s see if I can be a storyteller. It’s quite the challenge I tell you, but let’s dive right in because this story ain’t starting till I tell you. 

Back in the good ‘ol days there was a prince named Romeo in his tower with long luscious hair, hair so long that if he ever swished his neck it would definitely snap his neck from the recoil, but his refusal to see a barber ever stayed so firm. His hair was also long for another reason… love…

Oh, what is that furry beast that approaches the tower with such a disfigured walk pattern? Oh, it’s a wolf. Wolf that blows vortexes from his mouth. What could he possibly want with Romeo?

“Lil Romeo, lil Romeo, let down yo hair fool!” snarled the wolf.

“Not by the head of my dandruff filled hair!” cried Romeo taken aback by the forward advances of the wolf.

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and plow that damn tower down!”

So he huffed and he puffed and excreted his signature move from his lips: Stinky vortex. His special technique he had practiced after his blight against fatty pig in a certain. Brought the tower crumbling down and destroyed Romeo’s sense of smell with a stink so foul it nearly rotted his brain. From the debris, Romeo arose, dazed and in pain, but worst of all his hair had been tarnished! Everything from the shoulders down had decayed away. All that was left was billowing smoke. Romeo looked up to only see the hulking wolf standing on his rear legs flashing his white teeth.

“You know what happens when you don’t pay your dues.”

“I’m sorry! I- I’ll get the product to you next time!”

“Friend, your word is simply not enough anymore. I can’t risk another mistake.” He flexed his paw forcing the nails out.  “I’ll end our relationship now.” He raised his paw. “Pick a god and pray!”

Boom!

A big hulking mass wearing quite the frilly dress had gotten in between the wolf and Romeo. It was Juliet!

“Romeo, my love!” She boasted. “Aw darn! How could harm have befallen you!” She slowly turned red, veins bulging, eyes poppin’, ears steamin’. “You’re not living another day!”

She shot a right hook to the face of the wolf. The wolf ducked right under, but little did he know that she was expecting that because, as soon as he dodged, she shot an open hand to his throat, lifted him up like a rag doll and tore him into two.

Though thankful that Juliet had come to the rescue, He slowly widened his eyes realizing the Pandora’s box she had just opened…

 

Later that same day, there was Gnome and a boy standing over a grave with shattered rock splayed everywhere. The boy was tall and with an oppressive aura that nearly suffocated the poor gnome.

The gnome creaked, “Who might you be lad?”

The boy replied “The boy that cries for wolves” and clenched his fists. “I’m going to get my product no matter how long it takes and put their heads on a pike!” He grew even bigger than he was before. It would take a miracle for Romeo and Juliet to survive the disaster coming their way, but that’s a tale for another day…

 

Well that’s all the time I have. Like and subscribe and share this story if you would like to see more. I’m your host Allen and I’m signing off.