‘Ello buds! I’ve come back from my crusade temporarily ‘cuz the cogs in my hollow skull have been turning again so hence I must churn out this sludge of storytelling that may be all too familiar to y’all. I have pitch. I ain’t blind to what kind of audience I have: a bunch of teens that take AP Lit and need to make a comment on something, but you know it might irk y’all to hear what I have to say since we’re involved in this anyways, but I have an idea to adapt Hamlet and make an adaptation that ain’t so faithful to the source material. What is? Well, what if Hamlet took place in a gym with a bunch of gym bros? To your minds, it might sound absurd, but I’ll use this opportunity to create a set-up for this story!

 

So we all know how Hamlet starts: King Hamlet is dead, the uncle has seized control, land has been taken over recently, there’s a pissed off kid who wants to reclaim the land, yada yada yada, you get the jist though my description be a bit amiss, so how does one adapt such a political environment into the ever so testosterone filled energy of the gym? Here’s how I do: 

 

King hamlet:

I’ll make King Hamlet into a big Gym owner Hamlet and recently he’s been outperforming the competitor to his gym with good service for a good price. But as of late he’s been feeling sick and sore and shaken to the core, so during a benching exercise he moves a weight, a weight he would normally be comfortable, that he could do without a spot was the end of Mr. Hamlet as he valued his pride over self preservation. 

 

Now I’ve adapted the previous king, but how am I gonna portray the ghost? I ain’t. I’m gonna replace the ghost with something a touch modern, more believable. Forensics. But ain’t forensics a solid science that it catches the most criminals and you would be right, so it would take a very intricate plot intertwined with how Mr. Hamlet dies and possibly create a race against time as forensics before Hamlet’s suspicions and rage overtake him through his impulsive behavior and a sprinkle of clues. Continuing on we have to create the characters of Hamlet and the uncle:

 

Hamlet:

If it wasn’t made clear by the setting, I’ll continue on with the modern gym bro theme and make him a buff as heck bodybuilder. Having been primed on inheriting the gym chain, already working, well known by the staff might I add, and very inspired by his father, he finds the circumstances absolutely suspicious when his “uncle” happens to take control of the franchise and makes bigger purchases, taking over the business even though he has a medical degree, happens to be caring for his mother.

 

The Uncle:

As foreshadowed, this uncle ain’t gonna be your typical uncle. He’s actually a family friend who likes to dip his toes too deep into their lives. He will also be made out as a kind of a scam doctor to create a motive and also a business partner to incite opportunity for gains. And to make him even more suspicious, he’s been getting to know Hamlet’s mom a little too well.

 

We have our characters, but we can’t have them sitting in a void, so they’ll exist in the suburbs, interactions will take place inside a big and well equipped gym. Currently business in the main gym will be closed off to the public for people to mourn and for the investigation to continue. During this time Hamlet will now get suspicious of his “uncle” who’s living a little too comfortably with them. We will keep the good ‘ol characters of Ophelia and Gertrude with some tweaks.

 

Now why a gym? Why adapt Hamlet into a sweaty gym environment… because the world needs to see a bunch of buff dudes spout soliloquies while throwing weights around in rage. It could be an experience of a lifetime. But this is just pitch of an idea y’all, and I want to put an image of a really buff Hamlet enraged repping a 50lb dumbbell spouting, “to be or not to be” or a weirdly jacked Ophilia trying to break up with the hunk of meat. But now I’ve put that into your mind, y’all should have your imaginations running wild in the testosterone filled gym world of my ideas for Hamlet. But that’s enough entertainment for y’all, I’m off to do other things, Capiche?