Aye there kiddos! I got a nursery rhyme for y’all!
Gather ‘round and boost my ego
Sit your booty and listen to my tune!
I’m a man with a plan
I’ve got jam in my pants
Take it out and spreading it on my hand
Get a plain piece of bread
Spread it on there
peeps yelling “That’s an unsanitary fool!”
Too bad I don’t give a darn!
I open my mouth
Sink my teeth
Hold my bladder while thinking of water
Uh-oh, it looks like I made a mess
Good thing I brought an extra pair of pants
“No sir. Yes sir. Excuse me ma’am.”
I rush to bathroom, bread in hand
scarfing it down as fast as I can
Uh-oh, looks like I’m on the ground choking now
Looks to me I just passed away
Nobody came to save the day
Don’t matter no more ‘cuz I’m a ghost
I’m gonna haunt from coast to coast
Gonna find me self a hardy host
Time to execute more exquisite plans!
I hope you kiddos enjoyed this nursery rhyme.
My time has come. I must take off.
You can come back again for some more boggling times!
Allen, Allen, Allen. I don’t know how you do it. I’ve read your blogs before, and every time I think… he’s done it. This is the craziest it could get. But this is a new level. I don’t know if after reading this I want you to submit it to Vertigo as a satire or if I should call for some help, but needless to say, thinking of you writing this made me laugh. The simplicity of your rhyme scheme, and the blatant breaking of it is just funny in itself, and the stream of consciousness writing just represents you so well. The more I read it, the more interesting it is to me. I would like to know, is this a situation that you have been in before, hopefully just exaggerated for an audience or is this just someplace your mind goes when you’re bored? Either way, I read it, I laughed, and if that was your goal then great success, if it wasn’t, I think you ought to talk to someone 😉
Howdy! I’m glad to have put a smile on your face with my wordplay and am going to address some of the questions you have asked. I have I ever faced a similar situation to this or is this someplace my mind goes when I’m bored? No, I haven’t been in a situation similar to this as I am alive and well with my dignity intact and yes, I imagine so many things when I’m bored. To be quite honest I day dream more than I actually sleep. I’m always looking to push the boundaries of the English language so tune in for more possible future posts!