In a competitive sport such as figure skating, it’s rare that someone stays on the top for longer than a single season. It’s rare you even have an undefeated season. So with this in mind, you think one would eventually become “comfortable” with the idea of not winning. Wrong.
I’ve never had an undefeated season. This competition season I walked away from two competitions without placing (one gave me a participation medal and I’ve never been more insulted. If there’s one thing I despise, it’s participation trophies). I only won two out of ten competitions this year. You’d think by now I would have reached the point where I’m okay with not winning. Yet in my mind, losing still equals failure.
While in Italy in February, my team took the hardest hit we’ve ever taken by not earning the World Team title. The rest of the month was really hard as I struggled with trying to keep my mental state in tact and also train for the National Championships, knowing we still had to show up with our chins held high. I have never felt like such a failure before. For me, this loss clouded the rest of our accomplishments. It was all I could focus on. Although we tried to stay as positive as possible, the rest of the season felt like we kept being kicked while we were already down. The World Team decision had left a heavy weight on our shoulders that we were unable to shed when the time came to let loose and just perform. The season ended on a pretty negative note for me and I couldn’t help but feel relief when it was all over, ready to move on and away from it all.
We had a meeting Monday night to discuss the upcoming competition season and our vision for how we want this next year to play out. During this meeting, one of my coaches introduced this idea of a “Confidence Coin”. On one side, you embrace that cockiness that every athlete has to have a little bit of, that “I’m the best” mentality, the drive to always win and be at the top. But on the other side, you embrace failure. You accept your defeats and you own them. In doing so, you can become the best athlete you can be.
In the past month I’ve done a lot of reflecting on what went wrong last season and how I personally influenced the downfall we experienced. And it all boils down to not being able to lose gracefully. I held a lot of anger last season. At judging panels, Team USA and US Figure Skating officials, other teammates. Admittedly, I placed blame on people who weren’t at fault simply because I couldn’t accept that we hadn’t met the expectations set in place for us. I was too focused on my anger towards others and my sadness thinking about what could have been to realize the benefits to those defeats.
Through this reflection I’ve learned that it’s necessary to lose. If you never lose, you’ll never learn how to be better. I’m going into this new season with a completely different mindset. In a complete turn of events, I’m now thankful we lost as much as we did last season. It’s lit a fire in us that will hopefully fuel us to victory. I never want to feel the way I felt that last night in Italy or the weeks after. I’ve realized that there really is an art to losing and it’s necessary to be able to do so graciously. Setbacks are not permanent and will push you to be a better version of yourself. I feel lucky to have gained this knowledge and be able to carry it with me into this season. I have a really good feeling about the 2023-24 season, and I truly think it’s because of the lessons I’ve learned and how I’ve been able to become a better athlete through them.
P.S. Earlier this semester I wrote a blog post ranking my skating programs. At the time, I was unable to share videos of the programs from this past season, but HERE is a video of one if you are interested in watching it!
Hey Abbi! I really liked reading your blog, I never knew that you were a figure skater. I always found this talent so fascinating and it is my favorite sport to watch in the olympics. I always wondered how ice skating competitions work, but I now understand how hard it is to win them. I am really sorry that you did not have the outcome you wanted to have this season, I totally get that. I thought your coach’s idea of the “Confidence Coin” was really creative and effective. I really like how you incorporated this into your blog post because it is true, embracing failure is what makes you a better athlete instead of quitting when something does not go your way. I understand how hard it is to accept that sometimes you need to look at what went right in your performance in order to grow and not focus on the negatives. I had this issue with Volleyball when we were undefeated the entire weekend at Nationals and we lost the game right before we would have gone to the championship match and we ended up placing third. I was so upset because I was mad at everyone else, but after my coach talked to me he told me to look at what went right that game and how many great memories I had created that season which really helped to calm down and still love the sport. I really liked reading your blog!
Abbi, while I haven’t talked much to you in person, I really enjoyed reading through your post. From the beginning, I never knew that you figure skate competitively, and I find that very cool (no pun intended). I find it impressive when anyone takes an interest really go far with it, especially with you going to the level of competing internationally. That in of itself is a very impressive feat and I wish I could have done the same with my interests. Your emphasis on the process of losing and how it is necessary for self-growth was especially relatable to me: I have been both the person that was a sore loser and on the receiving end of one. I would blame others if one thing didn’t turn it the way I wanted on some days and have vitriol directly aimed at me from people that knew better on others, especially figures that were supposed to be the adult figures and the ones with the cool head in a situation. The way you described losing in the tournament in Italy and the process you took to assess the loss and self reflect was a nice aspect that I’d want to see in other posts. Usually the problem and solution are written and talked about, but the process of getting to that point is often a point that is often less talked about. In short, I enjoyed and related with your post about loss and self reflection/improvement and I hope I can take these ideas and apply it to my interests to continue improving as a learner and as a person.