When this pandemic first started, it felt surreal.  It didn’t feel like something that would so deeply affect my life.  Even when school was canceled, it still felt like a threat that was so far away, something that would not affect people my age so why would it matter.  

It didn’t even feel real to me when my mom got the call that my grandma had a fever and was going to be rushing to the hospital.  It didn’t feel real when we heard that two of the staff and a resident in her nursing home had contracted COVID-19. It didn’t feel real when we got the call that her condition had worsened, and our family booked a last-minute flight to New Jersey.  The severity of this virus only hit me during those days of waiting, wondering, knowing that each passing day meant that the chances that she would pull through this were diminishing. 

My grandma, Dr. Vatsala Gopinathan, died peacefully on March 28th, 2020.  She was born on March 30th, 1939.  

Dear Grandma, 

Today would have been your 81st birthday.  It saddens me so much to see you join the numbers as one of the thousands who has lost their lives to this virus that came out of nowhere.  It angers me that this unpredictable event has robbed you of the years you had left, the time that I could have spent if you, so close to your 81st birthday.  

Living in Naperville, over 800 miles away, I know that I have not spent as much time with you as I would have liked.  I wish that you were able to be a part of my life more and I a part of yours. However, every moment that we spent together was special.  Even when Mom made us watch you prick your finger to test your blood sugar, a reminder to not eat so many sweets or else we will end up getting diabetes.  

I remember Immigration Day in 5th grade where we all pretended to be a person making his or her way through the immigration process to start a life in the U.S.  All of us dressed up as if we were from our country of origin, giving ourselves fake names, backgrounds, identities. I was so excited that I could pretend my name was yours, giving me an excuse to talk to you and mom about why you came to America and what that experience was like.  I included in my journal real pictures of you and Grandpa when you were in India and when you first came here. I remember looking at this whole process through your eyes and journaling about it, recognizing the bravery that it took for you to leave your entire family and all that you had known just for the benefit of your children.  

I know that you had a hard life and that life hasn’t always been fair to you.  I admire that you were still so strong despite what has happened to you. I admire how you turned to your faith, using God’s strength as your own, your devotion being truly is inspiring.  I wish that I had asked you about it, to have more conversations with you.  

You raised two excellent women and they are so strong because of everything that you guys went through together.  My mother is the strongest most responsible person that I know, and I know you were a part of that.  

You were alone when you died.  This virus robbed our family of being with you through your final moments, and that is something that I struggle to be okay with.  What gives me comfort is that it is very peaceful and you felt no pain. I just hope that you know that we were all together in thinking about you through it all because we love you and always will.  

I love you Grandma, and I know that you are watching over us from heaven.  I am sorry that you left us this way but I know that you are happy wherever you are. 

Love, Alexa