Several years ago, my mother discovered the idea of “love languages” and so began her love affair with making us take the test annually. 

Regularly the first finished, my oldest sister, introverted and quiet, typically scores with her top two love languages being words of affirmation and quality time. Despite the sarcastic undertone of our family, she is just looking for a kind word to let her know we care, and uninterrupted time to feel known.

My mother, youngest sister, and father all share their top two as acts of service and quality time. They are always asking what they can do to help and running around giving favors, not to mention, my mom reacts beyond normal appreciation when we do something as simple as loading the dishwasher or picking up our socks. 

My score often varies, but in this last run of testing, I discovered my top two – acts of service and quality time – with words of affirmation surprisingly at the bottom of my list.

Despite the somewhat questionable quality of these assessments, our family always shares quality time in our top twos. And honestly, it just makes sense. Who doesn’t want to spend quality time with their loved ones? Don’t we all want to feel as though the people we love want to sacrifice and invest their time to be around us and connect with us?

In the wake of the stress and breakdowns leading up to November 1, it has been increasingly clear that quality time is necessary for my own personal health and happiness. Pouring over college applications had taken up most of my freetime, the rest of it occupied by trying to get enough rest to get through the next day. By the time the deadline rolled around, I was exhausted and rundown. School was almost something to look forward to because I got to see my friends and confide in them how I was feeling. However, I spent less and less time with my family. 

On the flip side of that deadline, I have consciously made an effort to spend more and more time with my family. Movie nights, family dinners, and board games have all been carved out of my schedule. And I’ve been happier because of it. 

Studies have shown that quality time greatly increases a family’s health and happiness. One study even showed that parents defined one of their quality of life determinants as that quality time with their families. Human connection is necessary for everyone and connection with your family is such an important ingredient/component. Families do not have to be as harmonious as the Brady Bunch or as colorful as the Addams family, but all families need connection and love for each other. Studies by Baylor University have shown that even simple, familiar family time at home may be more beneficial than adventurous and exotic vacations. 

Somewhere in applying to all those universities, I gained an understanding that on a year, I wouldn’t have the opportunities that I do right now. While higher education and research will certainly open many doors, it will undoubtedly take me further away from my family. So I will try to enjoy the time I have with them today. Our quality time is irreplaceable, and I hope to make the most of it while I still can. I hope you can too.