Eric Wang's Absent-Minded Blog

I strongly believe that a good reflection should not highlight moments of triumph and glory; it should examine moments of failure that yield valuable insights. For me, high school represented a period of time when mistakes had minimal and ephemeral consequences – when I could do almost whatever I wanted, unbridled by the shackles of responsibility and conscientiousness that bind adults – when I was free to experiment liberally and broaden my horizons. Although I thoroughly enjoyed my high school experience, it was characterized not by my successes but rather by the many failures and incidences of defective judgement that I accrued over the course of four years as a result of this freedom. It was my hope to fail hard and often early in life when the repercussions were still trivial so that I may enter adulthood armed with knowledge and experience.

Reflecting about failures is not easy; failures are commonly associated with painful and dark chapters of one’s life as they illuminate one’s flaws and probe at one’s insecurities. But I believe that we are in part defined by our insecurities because they are powerful forces that motivate us to achieve success. Crippling feelings of personal inadequacy spawn an insatiable drive to compensate for these perceived inadequacies, and this drive functions as the impetus for profound personal reinvention and advancement. Positivity is extremely overrated when it comes to motivation. 

Therefore, this high school reflection will focus on the five biggest failures of my high school career.

________

The most critical moment in my life so far occurred during the summer following sophomore year. I can distinctly remember sitting in my car in the LA Fitness parking lot, feeling as if I was drowning in a sea of failure. I had just exited a long relationship, a dominant presence in my life for over half a year. I had been elected out of student government, an activity that had been an important part of my identity and a source of pride. But most of all, I realized that I had achieved remarkably little both academically and physically during freshman and sophomore year. I realized that in the course of embarking on a less ventured path, I had abandoned the core values that had guided me through middle school and had become soft and weak.

I was angry at myself for allowing myself to reach this position and for taking my parents advice. After all, how could I not trust them? My father graduated from China’s most elite university and my mother achieved her PhD in computer science at the age of 21. Both are now in comfortable professions, and most importantly, have my best interest at heart. Yet despite being academics themselves, both warned me of the dangers of academia and strongly advised me to leave my comfort zone of math team and the notorious grind mentality in favor of exploring high school. They advised me to read extensively, follow current news, and socialize with a diverse range of people. They told me that admission to a prestigious university was worth far less than the acquisition of general knowledge and interpersonal skills. They challenged me to defy the negative stereotype of a high-achieving Asian male – socially inept, nose buried behind a pile of textbooks, inexperienced with the opposite gender. 

But now here I was, filled with anguish, regret, and the bitter taste of failure. I began to wonder how different my life would’ve been had I elected to dedicate myself unconditionally to my studies – how far I could’ve gone if I had limited my social circles, applied myself to the realm of academia, and exercised diligence. I knew that in order to compensate for my lack of self-advancement during freshman and sophomore year, I would have to make great sacrifices my junior year. Looking back, it was an amazing year; I succeeded in accomplishing numerous objectives, and emerged a far smarter and stronger person. But it wasn’t enough to replace two years of indolence and neglect.

My choice to live my life in an unconventional manner has cost me tremendously, and will continue to do so in the future. But I have come to the realization that it has also endowed me with a unique perspective and set of experiences that comprise an integral pillar of my identity and personality. 

________

Towards the end of freshman year, my friends began excitedly discussing their plans to take driver’s education classes and acquire their learner’s permit, which would allow them to get their driver’s license on their 16th birthday. Not willing to miss out on such an amazing opportunity, I made a mental note to discuss this with my parents and sign up for a driver’s ed class as soon as possible.

But for the entirety of sophomore year, I failed to take action. As a result of inadequate willpower or simply just mindless oversight, I managed to procrastinate this important task until the summer before junior year, when I came to the jarring realization that I would now only be able to get my license on April 11th, 2019, nine months after my 16th birthday. In high school, procrastinating on important projects and tests served me well. The adrenaline rush and subsequent sharpening of my mind and senses typically provided the push necessary to drive a project to completion or memorize a substantial amount of information. But in this case, without a definite deadline made readily apparent to me, I had failed to take initiative.

In retrospect, it seems ludicrous that I could screw up something so coveted and important to me: the freedom and independence furnished by a driver’s license. And yet, somehow, I managed to cost myself nine months of being able to drive without adult supervision – nine months of spontaneous ice cream dates and late night escapades, of being able to leave the house without inconveniencing my parents. I learned how to drive in two hours in the St. Margaret Mary Church parking lot. But because I had failed to exhibit even the slightest degree of competency by researching the requirements for attaining a driver’s license as an adolescent, I condemned myself to nine months of suffering. 

These nine months taught me that while procrastination for tasks with clear deadlines can be effective, procrastination for tasks with nebulous or unknown deadlines is detrimental. Although I can harness the benefits of procrastination in settings where deadlines rule the realm, the regular employment of this strategy is not conducive to a fulfilling life; whereas school provides many conspicuous and concrete deadlines, life does not. Therefore, in life, those who possess the mental strength to sacrifice immediate comfort for future glory will ultimately distinguish themselves from the weak-willed. 

________

The third major failure in my high school career occurred in Room 148 at Naperville North on February 2nd, 2019. Although it was relatively inconsequential in the bigger picture, it was deeply personal to me. I had invested a considerable amount of time and energy into Science Bowl, and was delighted when I discovered that I would be competing with the NNHS A Team as the biology specialist, with a surefire guarantee to the National Science Bowl in Washington, DC. 

Except we failed. In an astonishing upset, the NNHS A Team lost to the NNHS B Team in two games, both by wide margins. Although the loss can be partially attributed to forces outside my control, my individual performance was remarkably poor. I went home, cried, ate enough food to feed a small village, and slept for three hours. I had just lost a free trip to Washington DC with my friends, a valuable asset for college applications, and a substantial fraction of my well-being. It wasn’t sad just because I failed; it was sad because I had tried so hard, and still failed. 

However, this personal failure imbued me with a powerful drive that persisted for the next few months and may have been responsible for edging me over the USABO Finalist cutoff. Through losing Science Bowl regionals, I learned the incredible value that can be reaped from failure and gained an appreciation for legendary Chinese general Han Xin’s wisdom of “fighting with one’s back to the river.” Faced with the unsavory prospect of finishing junior year without any major accomplishments, I attacked the USABO grind with renewed strength; failure was not an option. 

________

On April 18th, 2019, I opened my SSP (Summer Science Program) portal and discovered that one of my teachers had not submitted their letter of recommendation. Filled with an impending sense of dread, I emailed the SSP admissions committee asking if I could still contact my teacher and send in a letter of recommendation, but they gently pointed me to their application page, which stated that all applicants are given a grace period of one week after April 1st (the deadline for the application) to review their application status, send in any supplemental letters of recommendation, and notify the admissions committee if any submitted materials had not yet been marked as received. Given that I had failed to act before the end of the grace period, my application was voided and my chance of attending the prestigious summer program extinguished.

For half a minute, I stared at the email, hoping that I had somehow misread, and that my SSP application was still viable for consideration. I had spent over 20 hours working on the application – 20 hours of lying in the middle of the field behind Kennedy well past midnight thinking about essay prompts and crafting responses. But because I had forgotten to remind my teacher to submit his letter of recommendation and instead operated on the assumption that he had already submitted it, all my efforts were now nullified.

I was incredibly ashamed that I had committed such a blatantly stupid error. This failure was a prime example of how my egregious lack of vigilance and attentiveness towards my responsibilities can yield devastatingly wasteful consequences. However, after significant reflection, I now realize that this seemingly simple blunder was most likely the product of a far more sinister reason. Perhaps I was so fearful of the possibility of rejection that I was unwilling to confront an issue that caused me mental discomfort. Because thinking about my application triggered feelings of anxiety at the prospect of rejection despite the effort I had invested, I procrastinated the task of reviewing my portal until it was far too late. 

I have since learned that in order to engender continual and vigorous self-advancement, the sting of rejection is a necessary pain; if I am not being rejected hard and often, I am likely not competing at a challenging level. I must remember that the people who will reject me over the course of my lifetime are often not society’s most knowledgeable, prescient, or influential figures; their decision is the result of a complex web of conflicting factors that dilute the possibility of a final judgement that accurately reflects my caliber. Compounded with the fact that rejection feeds self-perceived inadequacies that fuel rapid self-advancement, it is evident that rejection is a valuable tool with powerful applications – a tool that I failed to utilize when applying to SSP.

________

On December 14th, 2019, at 11:14 AM, I learned that I was deferred Early Action from MIT.

Needless to say, I was disappointed. Armed with my success in STEM competitions and relatively strong resume, I was hopeful that I would be among the handful who received early admission to MIT. Knowing that it was pointless to speculate about what individual factors could have led the admissions committee to defer my application, I knew I only had myself to blame. 

Can I honestly say that I have done everything in my power to maximize my chances of admission? No. My high school career is saturated with periods of neglect and stupidity where I failed to produce anything of value; instead of exercising continued effort balanced with measured indulgences, I divided my life into alternating phases of hyper-disciplined grinds and unadulterated hedonism. I have on numerous occasions horribly mangled my chances of admission by recklessly affording others the opportunity to expose unscrupulous behavior. And most critically, I have failed to construct an airtight resume, replete with the necessary extracurricular activities and personal qualities. 

Perhaps if my judgement were sharper and my decision making keener I would’ve opened that letter at 11:14 AM to find that I had been offered a spot in MIT’s class of 2024. Although I was eventually accepted in the Regular Decision round, I recognize that my failures in this regard are entirely my own responsibility. I have realized that the college I go to is a soft reflection of how hard I worked in high school. But my career, legacy, and future happiness will be a reflection of how hard I work in the coming years.

Jim Rohn once said, “in life we must choose between the pain of discipline and the pain of regret”. I have learned that the pain of discipline is far less acute than the pain of regret. 

________

It would be laughably false to assert the cliche of “no regrets” in the context of my high school career. Although these five moments represent what I consider to be the most impactful and insightful failures from the past four years, they are the tip of a colossal iceberg. My life thus far can be accurately summarized as a dismal series of sub-optimal outcomes and bungled responsibilities with a few notable successes sprinkled in. Yet I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to make so many indelible mistakes that will stick with me throughout my life and guide my future actions. 

On the whole however, I loved my high school experience. Although there were certainly ups and downs, these four years were filled with exhilarating adventures, captivating experiences, and memorable moments with people who mean a lot to me. I am incredibly grateful towards my family – my father, my mother, my sister, and my grandfather – and my friends for affording me the opportunity to fulfill my aspirations and for guiding and supporting me through the years. I fervently hope that the future will be even brighter. 

A long way out in the deep blue sea there lived a fish. Not just an ordinary fish, but the most beautiful fish in the entire ocean. His scales were every shade of blue and green and purple, with sparkling silver scales among them.

The other fish were amazed at his beauty. They called him Rainbow Fish. “Come on, Rainbow Fish”, they would call. “Come and play with us!” But the Rainbow Fish would just glide past, proud and silent, letting his scales shimmer.

One day, a little blue fish followed after him. “Rainbow Fish,” he called, “wait for me! Please give me one of your shiny scales. They are so wonderful, and you have so many.” 

“You want me to give you one of my special scales? Who do you think you are?” cried the Rainbow Fish. “Get away from me!” Shocked, the little blue fish swam away. He was so upset; he told all his friends what had happened. From then on, no one would have anything to do with the Rainbow Fish. They turned away when he swam by. 

What good were the dazzling, shimmering scales with no one to admire them? Now he was the loneliest fish in the entire ocean. One day he poured his troubles to the starfish. “I really am beautiful. Why doesn’t anybody like me?” “I can’t answer that for you,” said the starfish. “But if you go beyond the coral reef to a deep cave you will find the wise octopus. Maybe she can help you.”

The Rainbow Fish found the cave. It was very dark inside and he couldn’t see anything. Then suddenly two eyes caught him in their glare and the octopus emerged from the darkness. “I have been waiting for you,” said the octopus with a deep voice. “The waves told me your story. This is my advice. Those fish who seek your scales envy your beauty and silently despise their own aesthetical impotence. They are weak beings who seek to steal from you by asserting a morally corrupt entitlement to the fruits of your labor. You must bear them no mind and recognize a fish’s right to his or her own property. As the shark does not concern himself with the opinions of the minnows, so shall you wear your scales with pride, for they are the proof of your loyalty to your own values and a badge of your personal excellence.”

“I see …” the Rainbow Fish started to say, but the octopus had already disappeared into a dark cloud of ink. Give away my scales? My beautiful shining scales? Never. If I view myself as a sacrificial animal and live my life solely for others, I shall condemn myself to a depraved existence. If the other fish will only accept me when I give them my scales, then the other fish be damned!

And so the Rainbow Fish swam away to find other fish of similar caliber who were worthy of his company – other fish that he could be proud to call his own. 

When the radius of a circle increases, its circumference will increase at a faster rate. By the same principle, as human knowledge and understanding grow, we become far more aware of how astoundingly little we actually know. Although our great accomplishments, fueled by the brilliance of mankind and the astounding powers of the magnificent brain that evolution has graced us with, suggest that we have omniscient control over our environment and hold the world to the whims of our manipulation, it is evident that there is much of our world that we have yet to understand – ranging from the mysteries that constitute the phenomenon of life to the intricacies underlying the behavior of minute particles. A myriad of baffling questions exist, haunting the human mind and fueling the study of philosophy as an academic discipline. However, the question that I consider to be of capital importance and relevance in this nebulous realm is the question of religion. 

Before expressing any further viewpoint on the matter, I must first emphasize that as religion is indubitably a highly controversial topic in our political and social climate, the opinions I am going to express are done so with full and due respect to the principle of religion itself. As the overwhelming majority of people identify with a particular religious doctrine or believe in a higher power of some form, it is needless to say that religion occupies the lives of many and is an integral to the fabric of our society – and thus deserves the respect that it commands in our society. I personally believe that religion is wonderful for society as it draws people together and is the foundation for many communities that strengthen human cooperation. Although it is within my right to advance my own rationally grounded arguments, I should do so with the utmost respect for others and their faith. 

I believe religion exists and is able to thrive because it is a creation of our minds that serves three main purposes – it is a haven from the chaotic world outside, it mollifies the desperate human need for companionship and protection, and it provides a cushion against the ubiquitous trepidation felt by all members of the human race for the inevitable march of death – in other words, it creates answers where they do not exist. I have the confidence to say that it is a creation of the mind because there is truly no evidence that any one religion is correct over the other – or that the principles and ideas espoused by religion (such as the existence of a God or gods) exists in the first place. Although some elements or events of religion can be attested to by historic record, no one can definitively prove that their deity exists. Now, that is not to say that we inherently have the burden of proof – obviously, something can exist yet not offer tangible evidence for its existence – but it is a common principle adopted by our society that it is imprudent to act based on assumptions that are not true beyond a reasonable doubt. With that being said, I will briefly discuss the three key purposes that religion serves and how it does so effectively, thus making it a desirable feature of life for many:

1. Religion is a haven or source of respite from the chaotic world outside as it provides guiding principles and dictates a certain type of behavior expected of its adherents. Because humans seek and are attracted to situations or groups of people that they are familiar with or can easily empathize with, it is natural for them to construct a certain set of guiding principles that if adopted by the majority of the members in a given group, will foster a sense of security, predictability, and ultimately comfort. By offering a distinct and lucid set of principles by which all should act, religion effectively sets a standard for society and imposes behavioral guidelines that work together to ensure that everyone can live harmoniously, with shared beliefs and interests. 
2. Religion assuages the innate need for humans to seek protection and companionship and to know that they are not alone. In times of need, people will often cling to some asset or entity that they believe is a source of respite or an oasis from the chaos without. Most religious doctrines speak of a higher being that cannot be perceived through the senses endowed by the human anatomy but rather cherished through faith. This idea that even in our darkest and most desperate times, we are not alone but rather protected and watched over by a superior power is especially appealing. This element of religion is perhaps the most effective in times of great economic stress or instability – as many turn away from the materialistic aspects of reality and instead seek solace in their faith, even if it is a fabrication of mankind. 
3. Religion gives us the baseless reassurance that we will continue to exist after our physical bodies die. As the paramount fear in life is death, people often resort to the pretentious notion that they must exist after death. Without recognizing or finding an explanation for how the vast expanse of the universe existed before them and thus could viably exist afterwards, people intrinsically seek the idea that they cannot possibly cease to exist following their death. Despite the fact that science has proven that we are medically just as vulnerable to death as other animals (and in fact are closely related to/evolved from organisms that we would consider inferior beings), our minds cannot grope with the idea that one day, our conscious being will cease to exist. Although the idea that I one day may not exist in any form terrifies me, I am willing to accept it as the most likely scenario. When my body fails to supply the necessary biological substances to allow for continued brain function, or when I ultimately die, I do not believe it likely that my “soul” or consciousness will transcend to a higher level or continue to exist. 

I fervently assert that we cannot truly assume that one religion is correct over another – if we entertain the idea that a higher power does exist. In a practical sense, our religion is determined by the state of our birth and the environment that we are born in. We tend to espouse similar beliefs to those of the people and communities that we are surrounded with, and adopt the belief systems characteristic of our culture and region. In addition, if we take a deeper look at the way that religion really functions and the profoundly absurd ideas it often preaches (many of which are ludicrously outdated and irrelevant to the modern era) we can observe a plethora of glaring inconsistencies, blatant contradictions, and otherwise senseless dogma. 

According to Occam’s Razor (the principle that when selecting from a competing number of hypotheses, one should select the one that makes the fewest assumptions), I should only assume that no higher power exists, despite the possibility that it is wholly possible that one does. However, on a far more personal level, I am inclined to believe that a higher power does exist. Whether or not this is a vestige of some prior faith or a result of society’s imposing demand that I satisfy some element of my spiritual health so as not to seem so radically detached from the status quo to merit disapproval, I would most identify with agnostics. The possibilities for the existence of such a higher power are effectively limitlessly – and because these possibilities are so numerous and perplexing that they only inspire fear and uncertainty within me, I shall therefore abstain from devoting excessive quantities of mental energy towards them because they are questions beyond my immediate concern – or frankly, my ability to tackle or even comprehend fully. Therefore, it is most prudent to proceed with an open mind, and to give little thought to whether or not a higher power truly exists or if there is really a meaning to life – or if our existence as tremendously insignificant beings in the vast expanse of the universe matters at all. 

 

I discovered tonight that I am the greatest League of Legends player humanity has ever been graced with. My prodigious mechanical talent compounded with my immaculate knowledge of the Summoner’s Rift landscape and incredible understanding of macro tactics make me truly a once in a generation phenomenon. For the past three nights in a row, my team, armed with my astronomical skills and guided by my fearless leadership, has absolutely dominated the opposition in what can only be dubbed a “classic ewang carry.” ALPHAPOOFACE – the man, the myth, the legend. The righteous honored him; the wicked feared him; and the gods blessed him with the strength of a thousand men. 

If you ask any of the nine other players who had the honor of witnessing my glory, they may attempt to furnish your mind with a slightly different accounting of events; rest assured however that any deviation from the description I have provided you is sure to be slanderous, blasphemous, and flagrantly false. Those who themselves do not possess the unparalleled prowess required to be a League of Legends virtuoso often find it difficult to recognize unadulterated talent where it is conspicuously abundant. 

See? It’s so easy to sound smart. Just barf up a cacophony of unrelated big words, spin them into an incoherent sentence, and BOOM you got yourself a pseudo-intellectual. Better yet, plagiarize the whole d*mn thing. Say something that sounds “deep and profound” that some old crackpot said fifty years ago but really belongs in some edgy teenage girl’s instagram post and pass it off as your own sh*t. “Love is the fruit of the soul”. Godd*mn, Aristotle. Why can’t we all be as big-brained as you? 

I hate it. I hate when people use big fancy words and big fancy phrases to say a whole lot of nothingness to seem smart. The problem is, I do this so often that I can recognize when other people are doing it, but I hate when other people do it because it means I’m not monopolizing the benefits that are reaped by employing this strategy. 

My life is absurdly f*cking boring right now. I can’t go the gym, can’t hang out with friends, can’t even leave my f*cking house. My parents have basically grounded my a** until school is back (if that even happens), so for the time being I am a prisoner in my own basement. At least I’ve had time to clean my bathroom so it is no longer an active biohazard. I’ve also had a lot of time to think and write about random sh*t. I’m currently writing a long a** high school reflection about the many failures I’ve accrued in high school and how they have shaped my insecurities, because I strongly believe that “we are defined by our insecurities because they are the primary forces that motivate us to achieve success; crippling feelings of personal inadequacy spawn an insatiable drive to compensate for these perceived failures, and this drive functions as the impetus for profound personal reinvention and advancement”. Oh look, I’m doing it again. Big fancy words and elaborate sentences to sound smart and say something a golden retriever could understand in as many words as possible. Mark Twain once said, “I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one instead”. 

Whatever. I don’t really give a sh*t. I’ve realized that the fewer things you care about, the more energy you can allocate towards the things that matter. Maybe I’ll write a long-winded tenet about this. Nah, I’d rather write about something exciting. Like a book review on the Kama Sutra. Maybe for my next blog post I’ll rank sexual positions by various criteria to determine the ultimate sexual position. Speaking of which, I’m majoring in 69 next year. Course 6 – computer science, Course 9 – neuroscience. The only reason I chose this major is so that if anyone asks me in the future what I majored in college, I can say “I majored in 69”. I know a f*ckton about neuroscience because I’m a huge nerd who sits at his computer all day reading about psychology studies and other nerdy sh*t, but I’m total a** at computer science. I was doing a problem on leetcode today and just as I submitted it told me that my runtime beat 5.6% of submissions and my memory storage ranked within the top 98%. My mom came over and started laughing. She called me a dumb watermelon in Chinese and told me to read this big fat book about algorithms. I’m sad. I am the dumb sheep of the Wang family. I killed all of Eric Chen’s sheep in Minecraft yesterday. For some reason the mindless slaughter of those digital animals brought me more pleasure than anything else has this past week. Actually, devising new and creative ways to torment Eric Chen on that realm has been my primary source of happiness this past week. That, and playing piano. I love playing piano. Piano is fun. E-Learning is not. I’m going to bed. 

A few days ago, someone told me that my blog posts were total dogsh*t. They told me that in order to write a “quality” blog post, I should just write whatever unfiltered material happens to be swimming around in my brainsack. So, for this blog post I have decided to sit on my a** at 2:00 AM with all the basement windows open and ramble away like a runaway train as I listen to NCS and Allen complaining about how I can’t hit any Q’s. Allen, if you’re reading this, you’re a**cheeks at League. You feed on every champion you play and understand less macro than a sack of potatoes. 

I was originally gonna post some tenet I wrote years ago for this blog post because I’m too godd*mn lazy to do anything school-related senior year second semester. But the first two I posted were apparently mistakes because a bunch of angsty snowflakes came up to me and told me that I’m not allowed to say things that might offend people or hurt their feelies. F*ck their feelies. Fear of retribution and militant censorship stifle the principles of free thought and expression that America was founded upon, so I will say whatever the hell I please.

Sh*t. I just heard a loud noise outside and now I’m scared. I watched Parasite a couple days ago with the lads and some old friends from Central and it was scary as hell. The movie was awesome – brilliant plot, acting, music, and message; but the one scene where the dude peeks his eyes above the floorboards is terrifying. I had nightmares over it. When I was young and got nightmares I would call for my dad and he would come and turn on the lights and comfort me until I fell asleep again. Now he just tells me to grow the f*ck up. I’m sad. I wish I could always be young. I feel like a child trapped in an adolescent’s body. I went to Main Event for Zach’s birthday yesterday and I fit in better with the 5 year olds running around and waving their laser guns than I do at school. It actually takes a lot of energy to wake up each day and act like a normal 17 year old. Sh*t, I’m almost an adult. I’ve got three more months where I can commit a misdemeanor and be tried in a juvenile court. That’s not a lot of time left. At least as an adult I’ll be able to vote, sue, and legally join the porn industry. But I still can’t legally buy or consume alcohol. That’s a bummer. How can you be able to join the porn industry but not be able to buy alcohol? Alcohol has created far more people than it’s killed.

Yay, I feel a bit sleepy now. This is a good thing. It means my sleep schedule is less f*cked up than I thought. Hopefully I will be able to fall asleep before 4 AM watching videos of Jack Welch discussing management techniques. I recently read books by Simon Sinek and Sheryl Sandberg that discussed the nature of leadership, but I like Welch’s approach. I love reading. Reading the New York Times is my coping mechanism in Ceramics class. I am the only senior at my six person table in ceramics 1, and each day I get to hear freshman talk about their sh*tty love lives. It’s f*cking torture. All they talk about is who is dating who or who is going to spring with who. I don’t give a sh*t. I considered joining in their conversation and imparting my sagely wisdom, but found that my neurons are far too precious to squander on some squirrely freshmen. I once ran over a squirrel with my car. I felt incredibly guilty. I imagined the poor squirrel as it was crushed mercilessly under the weight of my car. I imagined its family grieving the tragic loss of a beloved relative. Filled with remorse and burdened by my conscience, I went home that later that day and wept. Just kidding, I didn’t actually care. Survival of the fittest. 

I’m really tired now. This blog has been a f*cking disaster. I honestly probably would’ve been better off posting my “On Information” tenet because it’s actually coherent, but I doubt anybody would want to read a long a** manifesto about why it is imperative to distinguish between essential and nonessential information as the advent of new technologies dramatically increases our capacity to encode, store, and retrieve information. Whatever. I don’t give a sh*t anymore. I’m going to bed. 

“Eric is outside, parking his car – he will be here soon. Also, I’m your assassin.”

With a deadly flourish of his arm, Zachary Xi swung his water gun around his body and fired a steady stream of water at his unsuspecting target. At 6:03 PM on February 21st, 2020, at the downtown Starbucks Reserve, Chloe Forero was eliminated from Senior Assassins. 

Weeks earlier, she had contacted me about an “interview to explore different opinions on affirmative action at Starbucks”. Like a shark sensing blood in the water, I immediately sensed that something was off – the timing seemed too odd, the topic too enticing, the location too public. Feeling amused and slightly insulted that Chloe believed me so foolish to fall for such a glaringly obvious setup to have me killed, I immediately agreed to the meeting and contacted Zach, who was conveniently her assassin. After agreeing not to kill each other in the event that Chloe was my assassin (which turned out to be the case) and recruiting Allen Gu to help record, we set out after school on Friday to perform the hit. 

However, although I was delighted to have thwarted her nefarious scheme and secured my friend a successful assassination, I was disappointed at not being able to share my “opinion on affirmative action”. Therefore, I will use this blog post as a vehicle to share my thoughts about this controversial topic. 

Some believe that affirmative action is a necessary instrument to correct for disparities in opportunity and inherent biases that threaten to undermine equality. They believe that enforcing admittance quotas in both universities and the workplace is a social responsibility that promotes diversity and helps the underprivileged.

Others believe that affirmative action threatens to destroy the principles of meritocracy upon which society should operate. They believe that affirmative action introduces inefficiencies and negative externalities and unfairly offers certain ethnic groups or genders advantages in both the college admission process and the workplace. 

Me? I don’t care.

I believe that private universities should be free to act in their own rational self-interest as private institutions. As entities that do not receive state or federal funding (are not funded by taxpayer money), they are beholden to nobody. Of course, they are subject to public scrutiny and shoulder an obligation to uphold high moral standards, but they are free to act however they wish. If universities believe that enforcing affirmative action will enhance their image or further their mission to recruit students that they believe will bring them glory, recognition, and hefty grants in the future, then what is stopping them? They have no reason to recognize any student’s “right” to be accepted regardless of that student’s qualifications or claim to be the victim of affirmative action. Therefore, I do not believe it is important whether or not we personally support this policy. Private universities can and will likely act in their own best self-interest; regardless of whether or not they practice affirmative action, there is little we can do. 

Before the age when one fully matures and establishes a firm foothold in society, it is prudent to design relationships with planned obsolescence and invest minimally. After this age, one should begin the search for a life partner and build a strong and durable relationship founded on love, trust, respect, and admiration. 

Before diving into the rationale behind this belief, I would like to first establish that raw sexual attraction is among the least significant of the factors holding a true relationship together. Humans are naturally polygynous – meaning that a single dominant male presides over a harem of females. Like the overwhelming majority of mammals, we do not remain faithful to our mates; human males are wired to mate with as many females as possible in order to maximize the chances that their genes will be propagated to the next generations through their progeny. Perhaps this can partially explain why over half of the ritualized pair-bonds we call marriages end in divorce. Sexual attraction also does not last – libido in both males and females drops precipitously in the later years, as age dulls what was once a fierce and primitive drive to procreate. From an evolutionary perspective, sexual attraction is simply the means by which the continuation of human life is ensured; despite the complex civilizations we have created, we are all subject to the same instinctual pleasure-seeking urges. For this reason and many others, I believe that the surge of chemically induced euphoria that accompanies sexual encounters is not a sacred union with another human being symbolic of a shared love – it is simply nature’s way of motivating us to reproduce. Compounded with the fact that careless promiscuity is a dominant theme in our culture (and often glorified), it is evident that raw sexual attraction and long-lasting, healthy relationships have little to do with each other. 

Serious relationships formed before maturation and integration into society are an egregious squandering of time and energy. Adolescents especially lack the maturity to understand what is truly in their best interest, and often flagrantly misjudge potential partners for compatibility. Having met relatively few people in their short lifetimes, they select these partners from a very small pool of individuals often located in their immediate vicinity. In addition, before the brain fully develops (~ age 25), personalities are liable to drastic change, and interests have not fully formed. As a result, it is astronomically unlikely that a relationship formed in youth will persist into adulthood. Aside from a handful of happy memories, there is little that can be reaped from a romantic relationship after its end. Therefore, to minimize the wasteful investment of time and energy that characterizes a serious relationship as well as the pain induced by its conclusion, one should not build relationships with intentions of longevity. Although it would be excessive to assign an expiration date to a relationship, one should constantly be vigilant of the fact that in all likelihood, its end is near. With this in mind, the wisest course of action would be to limit investment, both financially and emotionally.

Eventually, however, it is imperative to seek a life partner with whom one can share a lifetime of experiences. Personally, I believe that intimacy and connection with other people is not only essential for our well-being and happiness; it is the essence of what makes life meaningful. A life partner should be someone you cherish and love, someone that you share a high degree of mutual respect and admiration with, and someone that you trust with your vulnerabilities and insecurities. At the end of the day, when our petty conflicts and human constructs fade away as we face the march of time that leads us to our inevitable deaths, all we really want is to have someone to hold and call our own. 

 

“Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where a gun begins.” – Ayn Rand

It has become increasingly apparent that only an esoteric handful in our society possess the mental faculties and patience of mind to engage in civilized, rational discourse; even the handful that do choose to participate in meaningful conversation often fail to realize that morality is entirely a social construct, one that can only be legitimized and maintained through the threat of force.

By definition, morality is a set of beliefs or principles concerning the distinction between behavior that is deemed “good” or “bad” that we consult when attempting to formulate a verdict concerning a specific act or motive. Morality can be likened to a code of conduct shared by members of a society and maintained by methodically instructing the younger generations to adopt this set of principles. However, it is evident that even in a small and relatively homogeneous community, the morals that people hold can differ drastically. Morality, like power, honor, and a myriad of other human inventions, exist purely because our belief in it shapes the nature of our actions. Because it is an intangible concept that is greatly influenced by personal interpretation, morality is extremely nebulous and subject to variation from person to person. Conflicts instigated by disagreement over the categorization of things as “moral” and “immoral” are ubiquitous in our society and are often the root of larger scale problems that threaten cooperation between diverse groups of people. When such differences in morality exist, how does society as a whole determine the lawfulness of certain acts, distribute resources in an equitable manner, and ensure a harmonious relationship between its members? In other words, who gets to impose their morality on others? 

A brief examination of our present times and recent history will reveal that those who wield the threat of force ultimately wield the power to bend others to their will and establish their morality as the status quo. Today, a host of arbitrary laws are imposed by the direct threat of police force; the aftermath of a war is determined by the side with the stronger military; the verdict of a court case is heavily influenced by the purchasing power of the parties involved. This use of force, which can take a plethora of potent forms, is also a dominant theme in human history. We view historical leaders who commit heinous crimes as “evil” simply because their definition of morality differed from ours. If we can temporarily detach ourselves from the immediate emotional reaction of disgust, horror, or repugnance that is quick to consume us when we read about their “sins”, we will come to realize that they operated in accordance with their own morality – a morality that we may consider to be twisted due to the fact that it was very different from our own, but a morality nonetheless. Through political leverage, exclusive access to valuable resources, or control of the military, these leaders were able to manifest their “evil” moralities into reality through the use of force. 

It is clear that force plays a dominant role in determining the prevailing morality in our society. Without it, there would be no dominant ideologies, and society, which hinges on human cooperation fueled by belief in a shared intersubjective realm, would likely devolve into a chaotic cesspool of unorganized individuals with each toting his/her own proposed morality. Without force, the power to influence others’ morality could only be attained by garnering legitimacy as an erudite voice, which is far less effective than inspiring fear and absolute obedience through the threat of immediate force. Between obeying a venerated elder and submitting to an armed soldier with a gun aimed at your temple, it becomes obvious that the latter is a significantly more motivating force. Without the threat of force, people have little incentive to align their morality with those of others. As prideful beings, most humans are obstinate in the belief that their morals and principles are “correct” and should be universally observed as a paragon of righteous behavior; only the threat of force can nullify their tenacity and command their obedience. 

 

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